Signs Of The Times

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Nov 172016
 

caution-this-sign-has-sharp-edges-Final-800pxThese are supposedly actual signs. You be the judge. Whether or not they are real, they sure are funny!

In the front yard of a funeral home,
‘Drive carefully, we’ll wait.’

On an electrician’s truck,
‘Let us remove your shorts.’

Outside a radiator repair shop,
‘Best place in town to take a leak.’

In a nonsmoking area,
‘If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.’

On a maternity room door,
‘Push, Push, Push.’

On a front door,
‘Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.’

At an optometrist’s office,
‘If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.’

On a taxidermist’s window,
‘We really know our stuff.’

On a butcher’s window,
‘Let me meat your needs.’

On a fence,
‘Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.’

At a car dealership,
‘The best way to get back on your feet – miss a car payment.’

Outside a muffler shop,
‘No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.’

In a dry cleaner’s emporium,
‘Drop your pants here.’

On a desk in a reception room,
‘We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.’

In a veterinarian’s waiting room,
‘Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!’

In a Beauty Shop,
‘Dye now!’

In a restaurant window,
‘Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.’

Inside a bowling alley,
‘Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.’

In a cafeteria,
‘Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.’

 

Church Signs

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Oct 052016
 

Church Building1. “No God – No Peace? Know God – Know Peace.”

2. “Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!”

3. “Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.”

4. “Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!”

5. An ad for one Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads: “For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.”

6. When the restaurant next to another Church put out a sign with big red letters that said, “Open Sundays,” the church reciprocated with its own message: “We are open on Sundays, too.”

7. “People are like tea bags – you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.”

8. “Fight truth decay – study the Bible daily.”

9. “How will you spend eternity – Smoking or Non-smoking?”

10. “Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives”

11. “Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.”

12. “It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.”

13. “Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.”

14. “If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.”

15. “If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.”

16. “Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.”

17. “This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?” —– (U R)

18. “In the dark? Follow the Son.”

19. “Running low on faith? Step in for a fill-up.”

20. “If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.”

21. There was a church that had problems with outsiders parking in its parking lots, so they put up a sign: CHURCH CAR PARKING – FOR MEMBERS ONLY, TRESPASSERS WILL BE BAPTIZED! That took care of the problem!