Intellectual Puns

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Jun 262017
 
Puns for those with a slightly higher IQ.

Intellectual Puns

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

What’s the definition of a will?
(It’s a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts.
In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

 

Joke Of The Day: A String In A Bar

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May 272017
 
Joke Of The Day: A String In A Bar A string goes into a bar, slides onto the bar stool and asks the bartender to give him a beer.

“I don’t serve strings,” the bartender says.

The string goes home, ties himself in a knot, and frays the top of himself. He then returns to the bar and again asks the bartender to give him a beer.

“Hey, aren’t you the string that was just here?” asks the bartender.

The string replies, “No… I’m a frayed knot.”