|One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word ‘PENIS’ (in tiny letters) on the blackboard.
She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class.
The next day, the word ‘PENIS’ was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board.
Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day’s lesson.
Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day’s being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously.
At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”
|A man was deeply in love with his girlfriend Wendy so he decided to get her name tattooed on his penis. When he was flaccid, it read “Wy” and when he was erect, it read “Wendy”.
The man and his girlfriend Wendy decided to take a holiday to Jamaica. Their resort happened to be clothing optional and so wanting to fit it, the man went to the bar for a drink sans clothes. He noticed the bartender, who was nude, also happened to have “Wy” tattooed on his penis.
Getting excited, he asked the bartender whether he also had a girlfriend named Wendy and if he had her name tattooed on his penis. The bartender looked up at the guy, smiling, and said no he didn’t have a girlfriend named Wendy.
The guy asked what his tattoo read then. The bartender, still smiling, replied, “Welcome to Jamaica, have a nice day”
|An elderly couple was watching a show on the Discovery Channel about a West African bush tribe whose men all had penises 24 inches long. When a man reaches a certain age, a string is tied around his penis and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the penis to 24 inches.
Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked at him and said “How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?”
The husband agreed and they tied a string and a weight to his penis.
A few days later, the wife asked the husband, “How is our little tribal experiment coming along?”
“Well, it looks like we’re about half way there” he replied.
“Wow, you mean it’s grown to 12 inches?!”
“No, it’s turned black.
|A man was involved in a terrible accident which left his member mangled and torn from his body.
The doctor assured him that modern medicine did make it possible for his manhood to be rebuilt, but since it was considered cosmetic surgery, his ObamaCare would not cover the surgery.
On hearing this, the man asked the doctor what the cost would be.
“You have three choices,” replied the doctor. “$4,000 for small, $7,000 for medium, and $15,000 for large.”
The man appeared pleased with this news, but couldn’t decide whether he wanted the medium or the large.
The doctor suggested that since the decision also affected the man’s wife, he talk it over with her privately before making a final decision. The doctor then left the room to give the man some privacy while he phoned his wife to explain the options.
When the doctor returned to the room, he found the man looking very depressed and staring into space.
“Have you and your wife reached a decision?” the doctor asked.
“Yes,” the man replied, sounding very dejected. “After discussing it, my wife has decided she’d rather remodel the kitchen.”
|A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door.
One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four”.
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions.
Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says: “Mirror mirror on the door, make my “manhood” touch the floor!”.
Again, there’s a bright flash and both his legs fall off.
The only thing that the Government has not taxed yet is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!
HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2011, the penis will now be taxed according to size.
The brackets are as follows:
10 – 12″ Luxury Tax $300.00
8 – 10″ Pole Tax $250.00
5 – 8″ Privilege Tax $150.00
3 – 5″ Nuisance Tax $30.00
Males exceeding 12″ must file capital gains.
Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a tax refund.
PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION