Jul 022017
 
OLDER THAN DIRT QUIZ

 
INSTRUCTIONS: Count all the ones that you remember, NOT the Ones you were told about.

1: Blackjack Chewing gum
2: Waxed Coke-Shaped Bottles with Colored Sugar Water
3: Candy Cigarettes
4: Soda pop machines that dispensed Glass Bottles
5: Coffee Shops or Diners with Tableside Juke Boxes
6: Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7: Party lines on the telephone
8: Newsreels before the movie
9: P.F. Flyers
10: Butch Wax
11: TV test patters that came on at night, after the last show and were there until TV Shows started again in the morning.
12: There was only three (3) TV channels, if you were fortunate
13: Peashooters
14: Howdy Doody
15: 45 RPM records or 33 1/3 records
16: S&H green stamps
17: Hi-FI’s
18: Metal Ice trays with levers
19: Mimeograph paper
20: Blue Flashbulbs
21: Roller Skate keys
22: Cork Popguns
23: Drive- INS
24: Studebakers
25: Wash tub Wringers
26: Packard’s
27: Heavy metal grinder that hooked on to your pull out cutting board.
28: 78 records
29: Spin & Marty
30: Ritz Brothers

If you Remember 0-5 = You’re still Young
If you Remember 6-10 = You are getting Older
If you Remember 11-15 = Don’t Tell Your Age
If you Remember 16-25 = You’re Older Than Dirt

Now this is a way of raising money as a game each answer is so much money you have to pay. Only us Old folks would be paying a lot. ( Smile )

Games like this are easily made up, try making up your own!

Older Than Dirt Quiz

 

Joke Of The Day: I Lied…

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May 292017
 
Joke Of The Day: I Lied... Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the County Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman. With her youthful sex appeal and charm, she hangs on to Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast.

At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replies, “Girlfriend? She’s my wife!” They are surprised but continue to ask—“So, how’d you persuade her to marry you?”

“I lied about my age,” Bob replies.

“What…did you tell her you were only 50”, they asked.

Bob smiles and says, “No, I told her I was 95.”

 

 

 

How To Know That You Are Miraculously Mature

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May 042017
 

Your miraculously mature when…

1. You and your teeth don’t sleep together.
2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren’t wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you’re not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver’s license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you’re on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting “lucky” means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long – to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt – doesn’t work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak – and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don’t feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don’t care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don’t even remember being on top of it.

 

Joke Of The Day: Older Person Friendly Policy

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Apr 302017
 
Joke Of The Day: Older Person Friendly Policy Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time.

Every day, he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. “Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”

“Yes, I know boss and I am sorry and am working on it.”

“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear.”

“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I will try harder.”

Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, “I know you’re retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning late so often?”

The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled. He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, “They usually saluted and said, Good morning, Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?”

 

 

 

Nine Important Facts To Remember As You Grow Older

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Apr 222017
 
Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older

okd-man
#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.
#8 Life is sexually transmitted.
#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.
#3 All o f us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
#2 In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.
#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow..

Don’t ignore this message. This is your only warning.
A friend sent this to me — he must have mistakenly assumed I was aging!

 

Joke Of The Day: Grandma’s Pies

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Mar 112017
 
Joke Of The Day: Grandma's Pies Grandma made such beautiful pies. One day I asked her, “How do you get such beautiful pies with the crimps around the edge so even?”

“Well, it’s a family secret,” she said. “But if you promise not to tell, I’ll let you in on it.”

“Okay,” I said. “Tell me!”

“Well, first, I roll out the dough, making sure it is flat and even. Then I cut out the bottom layer and carefully put in the pie plate and make sure it is firmly against the sides of the plate.

“Then I slowly pour in the filling, making sure it’s not too full.

“Next, I cut out the top layer and carefully put it over the filling.

“Finally, I take out my teeth and just run them around the edge of the pie crust, and they make the nicest even impressions you ever did see!”

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: The Despondent Widow

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Mar 082017
 
Rubber Chicken Mildred was a 93 year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl.

She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl’s old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a burden to someone, she called her doctor to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be.

“On a woman,” the doctor said, “your heart would be just below your left breast.”

Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

 

 

 

99-Year-Old Woman Gets Arrested So She Can Check It Off Her Bucket List

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Mar 062017
 
A 99-year-old woman in the Netherlands got the help of her local police to fulfill her longtime wish of getting arrested.

99-Year-Old Woman Gets Arrested So She Can Check It Off Her Bucket List

Attaining centenarian status might be a grandiose accomplishment for many, but 99-year-old Annie is determined to do more than that in her long life. In fact, she’s outlined an entire bucket list of everything she’d like to do before she passes, and one of the goals was to get arrested.

Fortunately, she didn’t need to commit a serious crime to make this a reality. Instead, she contacted the Nijmegen-Zuid police station and authorities were more than willing to help her dream come true.

Like a hardened criminal, Annie was handcuffed and “briefly allowed” to sit in a cell with fastened handcuffs. This occurred after officers picked her up from her home. A rare exception was made for the 99-year-old, as citizens who haven’t committed a crime aren’t ordinarily allowed to be in the cells.

The photos below perfectly encapsulate how pleased Annie was to be able to check “go to jail” off her bucket list. She clearly loves to live on the wild side and because she’s an advocate for living life to the fullest, her story has been shared on True Activist.

99-year-old Annie wanted to fulfill her life-long dream of going to jail…

99-Year-Old Woman Gets Arrested So She Can Check It Off Her Bucket List

…so contacted officials at a local police station.

99-Year-Old Woman Gets Arrested So She Can Check It Off Her Bucket List

They made her dream come true, and she was more than pleased to check the feat off her list.

 
 
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