Sep 082017
 
Joke Of The Day: A Wife's Temper A man goes to the doctor, worried about his wife’s temper.

The doctor asks, “What’s the problem?”The man says, “Doctor, I don’t know what to do.

Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.”

The doctor says, “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth.

Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.”

Two weeks later, the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The man says, “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water.

I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”

The doctor says, “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.”

 

 

 

Sep 072017
 
Man Looking For A Wife In 1865

We don’t know the provenance of this delightful newspaper ad posted at reddit. We can assume that it was published around 1865, as the young man was a fan of Andy Johnson, or president Andrew Johnson, who served from 1865 (upon the death off Lincoln), was impeached in 1968, and remained in office until 1969. For an 18-year-old, the writer seems to have his life together, but was probably working too hard so far to meet many young woman. When he says he wants to buy waterfalls, he is most likely referring to a waterfall bustle, as was the style at the time. I would bet that he got responses to this ad. The last line makes him seem cute as well as successful.

 
 
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Aug 312017
 
Joke Of The Day: Inviting A Friend For Supper With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, “Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight.”

His wife replied, “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!”

The husband said, “I know all that.”

“Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?” asked the wife.

The guy answered, “Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married.”

 

 

 

Aug 302017
 
Joke Of The Day: A Great Relationship A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

“Oh, we’ll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship,” the husband explained. “She was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. She communicates well and I act like I’m listening.”

 

 

 

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

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Jul 282017
 

Fourteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives

  1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
  2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
  3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
  4. Dogs’ parents never visit.
  5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
  6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
  7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re pissed.
  8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
  9. Dogs won’t wake you up at night to ask: “If I died, would you get another dog?”
  10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell ’em.
  11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don’t run around frantically with room spray.
  12. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.
  13. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won’t kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.

  14. And last, but not least:

  15. If a dog runs off and leaves you, it won’t take half your stuff….

Makes you wonder…:)

 

 
 

Joke Of The Day: The Best Toast

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Jul 012017
 
Joke Of The Day: The Best Toast John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the Best toast of the night”.

She said, “Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?”

John said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.”

“Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!” Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John’s drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, “John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.”

She said, “Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he’s only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.”

 

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Bad Diets

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Jun 302017
 
Joke Of The Day: Bad Diets A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami, Florida.

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old man in the front row, raised his hand and said, “Wedding Cake?”