|A marriage broker goes to see Mr. Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years.
“Mr Cohen, don’t let it get too late. I have exactly the woman you need. You only have to say the word and you’ll meet and be married in no time!” says the marriage broker.
“Don’t bother,” replies Mr. Cohen, “I’ve two sisters at home, who look after all my needs….I am happy with that arrangement.”
“That’s all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife.”
“I said ‘two sisters’…. I didn’t say they were mine!”
|A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. “Lou,” says the shocked friend, “what are you doing? I’ve known you for over fifteen years, and I’ve never seen you take a drink before. What’s going on?”
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, “My wife just ran off with my best friend.” He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
“But,” says the other man, “I’m your best friend!”
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, “Not anymore! He is!”
|Every year they’d attend the county fair and every year Earl would look at Peggy and say, “Look at those planes! I’d love to ride one of those planes..”
And every year Peggy would reply, “Yeah, but it costs $10, and $10 is $10!”
Finally, the year came for Earl’s 75th birthday. They go to the fair and again, Earl exclaims “Look at those planes! I’d love to ride one of those planes..”
To which Peggy again replied, Yeah, but $10 is $10.”
The pilot overheard the exchange and chimed in, “Listen, I’ll give you both a ride, and if you don’t say a word or scream during the entire ride, the ride is free. But if you do, you will owe me $20 for the ride.”
Earl got so excited about his opportunity and both he and Peggy hopped on the plane. The pilot pulled out all the tricks. Barrel roles, loops, corkscrews, everything he could to get some kind of noise, but they were quiet the whole ride.
Finally, they landed and the pilot said, “I can’t believe you two didn’t make a sound!”
Earl said to the pilot, “I was going to say something when Peggy fell out, but $10 is $10.”
|At St. Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands’ marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, ‘Wella, I’va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!’
The priest responded, ‘Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?’
Giuseppe proudly replied, “I gonna go pick her up.”