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Jan 012015
 

New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. ~ Mark Twain

Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go. ~ Brooks Atkinson

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. ~ Bill Vaughan

The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to. ~ P. J. O’Rourke

Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year’s resolution. ~ Jay Leno

New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time. ~ James Agate

Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle. ~ Eric Zorn

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~ Bill Vaughan

New Year’s Day is every man’s birthday. ~ Charles Lamb

New Year’s Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. ~ Mark Twain

Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less New Year and leave it at that. ~ Judith Crist

Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits. ~ Anonymous

May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions! ~ Joey Adams

I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too much of a daily event for me. ~ Anais Nin

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account. ~ Oscar Wilde

I’m a little bit older, a little bit wiser, a little bit rounder, but still none the wiser. ~ Robert Paul

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other. ~ Anonymous

From New Year’s on the outlook brightens; good humor lost in a mood of failure returns. I resolve to stop complaining. ~ Leonard Bernstein

The object of a New Year is not that we should have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul and a new nose; new feet, a new backbone, new ears, and new eyes. Unless a particular man made New Year resolutions, he would make no resolutions. Unless a man starts afresh about things, he will certainly do nothing effective. Unless a man starts on the strange assumption that he has never existed before, it is quite certain that he will never exist afterwards. Unless a man be born again, he shall by no means enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. ~ G. K. Chesterton

 

Aug 222013
 

Aphorisms

An APHORISM is a short, pointed sentence expressing a wise or clever observation or a general truth.

Here are some ‘gems’

1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.

2. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail.

3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.

6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?

7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks ?

9. Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.

10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.

11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. Like this: It could be a right number.

13. No one ever says “It’s only a game” when their team is winning.

14. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.

15. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.

16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.

17. After 70 if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.