|After spending several hours wandering through the woods, Bob and Jim are thoroughly lost. Disorientated, they sit down to discuss what to do next.
“Hey, I have an idea,” says Bob. “If we each fire three shots into the air, someone will hear them and come to help us.”
Jim agrees, so each of them fires their shots. An hour later, nobody has come to help, so they decide to fire three more shots. Another hour passes – still no one.
“Okay lets try this one more time” says Bob.
“Dude, this had better work,” replies Jim. “These are our last arrows”.
|A young farm couple, Homer and Darlene, got married and just couldn’t seem to get enough lovin’. In the morning, before Homer left the house for the fields, they made love. When Homer came back from the fields, they made love. And again at bedtime, they made love.
The problem was their nooner – it took Homer a half hour to travel home and another half hour to return to the fields and he just wasn’t getting enough work done. Finally Homer asked the town doctor what to do.
“Homer,” said the doctor, “just take your rifle out to the field with you and when you’re in the mood, fire off a shot into the air. That will be Darlene’s signal to come out to you. Then you won’t lose any field time.”
They tried Doc’s advice and it worked well for a while. Homer came back to the doctor’s office…
“What’s wrong?” asked the Doc. “Didn’t my idea work?”
“Oh, it worked real good,” said Homer. “Whenever I was in the mood, I fired off a shot like you said and Darlene’d come runnin’. We’d find a secluded place, make love, and then she’d go back home again.”
“Good, Homer. So what’s the problem?” asked the Doc.
“I ain’t seen her since huntin’ season started.”
The Great white hunter, indeed!
|A builder, pastor and professional golfer went deer hunting together. They were all novices, but wanted to try it.
They had been out all day and towards dusk they all spotted a 5 point buck at the same time. They each took aim and 3 shots were fired at the moving target. The buck went down, so they rushed over to make sure it was dead. It was, so they started to discuss who had actually hit it. As they were discussing it, a game warden happened along and asked what the problem was. They told him, and he said for them to stand back and he would try to figure it out based on the bullet hole and the rifles that were being used.
After only a couple of minutes, he came to them and said that the pastor was the one who hit the deer. The three wondered how he could figure it out so fast. The warden said the bullet went in one ear and came out the other.
|One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said,
“See that old man asleep in the chair by the fire-place? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you’ll never forget.”
They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.
“Well,” he began, “I remember back in ’44’, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don’t know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this, ‘ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!……’ Well… I just sh*t my pants.”
The young men looked astonished and one of them said, “I don’t blame you, I would have sh*t my pants too if a lion jumped out at me.”
The old man shook his head and said, “No, no, not then, just now when I said ‘ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!'”