|A young man introduces his fiancee to his parents. While they were having dinner the girl gently farts.
Annoyed by the funny smell the father in law yells “Rocky!!”
The girl is relieved that the future in-law blamed the dog from under her chair but after a few minutes she lets one more rip.
The boy’s father is getting nervous. Rocky!! be careful now!!
Worried no more the girl fires another one. Feeling exasperated, the boy’s father yells:
Rocky! Get out of there fast! She’s gonna sh*t on you!
How much do you know about farts besides the fact that they sound and smell funny, and come out from the bum?
People usually laugh about burping, hiccups and farting. Sometimes, even they are embarrassed and annoyed about these body functions.
Yes they sound interesting and smell weird, come out from the bum but how much do you actually know about these farts? Here are 12 facts about farting that you probably never heard about.
1. THE AVERAGE HUMAN BEING FARTS 14 TIMES A DAY.
How many times they do it in front of others will determine exactly how “human”—actually, “inhumane”—they are.
2. YOU FART ENOUGH EVERY DAY TO FILL A BALLOON.
The average human toots about 700ml of flatus daily—enough to blow up a birthday balloon!
3. THE SPEED OF FARTS.
Farts exit the anus and enter the world at a speed of 10 feet per second, or slightly less than seven miles per hour.
4. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL?
Truth be told, only 1% or less of the gas in your average, everyday, run-of-the-mill fart has any odor whatsoever. The main culprit is hydrogen sulfide, which generates those rancid “rotten egg” notes that make farts the bane of the world’s nostrils.
5. WOMEN’S FARTS SMELL WORSE THAN MEN’S.
Sure, there’s a certain breed of male idiot who thinks it’s funny to fart in front of others, and to be fair, women don’t tend to be afflicted with that special strain of sadism. But before they start getting all high and mighty, they should realize that female farts have a higher hydrogen sulfide concentration than male ones and thus, fart-for-fart, they’re smellier than dude farts.
6. A FART BY ANY OTHER NAME WOULD SMELL AS STINKY.
The word “fart” is considered a “vulgarism” and—just like farting itself—is not recommended for use in polite company. The polite noun is “flatus,” even though almost no one uses it. The word “fart” is said to have been coined in 1632 and defined as “to send forth wind from the anus.” “Fart” is derived from the Old English word “feortan,” which means “to break wind.”
7. FARTING AMONG THE ANCIENTS.
Roman Emperor Claudius declared that “all Roman citizens should be allowed to pass gas whenever necessary,” which is an ancient variant of the modern maxim, “Wherever you be, let the wind blow free.” The ancient Japanese were said to have held “farting contests” to see who could break wind the loudest and longest. The Greek physician Hippocrates decreed that “Passing gas is necessary to well-being.”
8. THE OLDEST ONE-LINER IN RECORDED HISTORY IS A FART JOKE.
Professor Paul McDonald of the University of Wolverhampton tags a Sumerian joke from 1900 BC as the world’s oldest recorded one-liner. The joke:
Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.
9. FARTS ARE SPRINKLED THROUGHOUT LITERARY HISTORY.
Despite our modern revulsion for human flatulence—it is a topic so unspeakable, it may qualify as a form of pornography—literary masters of antiquity suffered no such hangups. Literary luminaries who mentioned farting include William Shakespeare (flatulence is mentioned five times in his plays), Jonathan Swift (who penned a 1722 essay titled “The Benefit of Farting Explain’d”), Geoffrey Chaucer (whose Canterbury Tales include a line about a man who “let fly a fart as loud as it had been a thunder-clap”), Dante Alighieri (whose Inferno mentions a demon who used “his ass as a trumpet”), and Founding Father Ben Franklin, who wrote a whole essay titled “Fart Proudly.”
10. HITLER HAD TERRIBLE GAS.
Not only was the infamous Nazi dictator a speed freak, he also suffered from hepatitis and gastrointestinal cramps, which led to a condition of chronic flatulence for which he took 28 different medications. It is almost certain that no one complained to Hitler about the smell.
11. WHAT EXACTLY IS A FART?
Flatulence—which occurs in nearly all living organisms—is a mixture of hydrogen, nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, sulfur dioxide, and in some cases, methane. These gases are produced as the byproduct of the trillions of bacteria that break down food during the digestive process.
12. CAN FARTS BE MEASURED?
Yes, indeed, they can—using a “rectal catheter,” researchers are able to shove a tube up a patient’s poop chute to determine the volume of gas that is produced during the sacred act of farting.
Farting in public is generally frowned upon, but that doesn’t mean you should be ashamed of a little gas. Farts are a sign we are healthy.
Okay, so it’s not the most glamorous health tip, and some people might find it a little embarrassing to talk about… But farting is a normal result of a healthy digestive system and good indicator of our well-being.On average, we fart about 5-10 times a day, according to Medical Daily.
Certain foods make us fart more – especially complex carbohydrates such as beans, sweet potatoes, oats and wheat – and foods that are packed full of nutritional value can often lead to a stronger odor.
Whether you fart five or fifty times a day, here are 8 reasons why you should let it out and pay attention.
1. It reduces bloating.
The most common cause of bloating is a build-up of gas in your gut. That’s right – the full, tight discomfort that makes your pants a little tighter might just be because you need to fart. So don’t hold it in.
2. It’ll help you balance your diet.
Everyone has a unique gut and we all handle foods differently. If you are experimenting with nutrition and diet, farts are a good indicator of balance or imbalance, according to Huffington Post. Too much red meat, for example, usually results in a strong, unpleasant odor, while complex carbohydrates tend to cause larger amounts of gas with a more neutral odor.
3. It can relieve abdominal pain.
It might not be appropriate to fart in every situation, but holding it in – especially if you have a lot of gas in your gut – can cause intestinal distension which hurts, according to Berkeley Wellness.
If you feel that you need to fart but you can’t, try gently massaging your stomach to promote the movement of gas through your system.
4. Holding it in can be bad for your colon.
Withholding gas can exacerbate hemorrhoids, for example, as can trying to manipulate the way gas comes out. The best policy is to let it come out naturally. People whose colons have been compromised by illness are also best not to hold in flatulence.
5. Inhaling farts is good for you.
This sounds silly, but a study from the University of Exeter has found that exposure to small amounts of hydrogen sulfide gas (which our guts produce during digestion) may prevent mitochondrial damage to our cells. This could prevent strokes, heart disease, and arthritis, among other things.
6. Farts tell us about our health.
Pay attention to the gas you are passing every day. Is it frequent? Does it have a strong odor? Is there any pain? Fatulence can be an early warning sign for a range of health issues. If you have any pain or pronounced changes in your flatulence that you don’t think are related to diet, it might be worth seeing your doctor.
7. Diagnose food allergies.
Some food allergies cause us to have severe flatulence, and this is certainly the case for lactose intolerance, according to Medical News Today, as with Coeliac Disease. If you have a notable increase in farting after consuming certain foods or food groups, consult your doctor – there are very simple tests which can tell you whether you should be avoiding those foods.
8. It feels good.
We should all admit it – it feels good to let out gas that has been sitting in our abdomens and bothering us. Holding in gas can make us irritable and snappy, and according to Women’s Health Mag the best thing we can do is excuse ourselves to the bathroom and let it out quietly. There’s no relief quite like it.
Still embarrassed? If you think that you pass too much gas and have ruled out any medical issues, then there are small things you can do to reduce the amount of gas you produce, according to Web MD. You can eat more slowly, and avoid carbonated drinks and artificial sweeteners. Limit dairy, and get plenty of exercise. If you think your farts are healthy, then embrace it. Passing gas is a great sign that your digestive system is working as it should.
A kid interrupts a Weatherman’s live forecast to fart on him and warn everyone of a crazy toot storm.
A weatherkid sounds like a cute idea, but an 8-year-old boy named Houston showed Mississippi why it’s probably not the best idea.
Meteorologist Patrick Ellis was doing a run-of-the-mill live weather cast for WLBT on Saturday evening when Houston ran on camera. He is the son of Rocky Wilkins, a lawyer with a recurring segment on WLBT,
“I don’t know what’s going on, but Zayn doesn’t know,” he told Ellis animatedly. “Are you sure, are you crazy sure?”
Houston then proceeded to do a bird impression and directed his rear end to the clearly-flummoxed Ellis, who later implied on a now-deleted social media post that the boy had farted on him.
“All I’m going to say is watch out for the ‘toots’ across central Mississippi,” Ellis said, according to Thrillist.
That was the most interesting first weather I've ever had…
— Patrick Ellis (@PatrickEllisWx) March 5, 2017
When Ellis tried to improvise with the boy onscreen, asking if he wanted to “point out the weather,” the boy continued on with the fart jokes.
“Yah, there are farts everywhere and toots ah-naa-naah it’s crazy,” Houston said right before his dad picked him up and took him off screen.
Wilkins said Houston is a regular at the TV studio and has practiced weather forecasting many times in front of the green screen, but never before while the cameras were live.
“During my preshow meeting, Houston went into the studio. I was few feet away from him while he was on air and I thought Houston was doing a good job,” Wilkins said. “Also, meteorologist Patrick Ellis was handling the situation like a real pro. But, when it was time, I had no problem getting Houston off the set and back to where he needed to be.”
Wilkins added his son was “enjoying his celebrity status” and liked being on TV.
“My son told me he’s looking for an agent and I’m now worried he will start charging me an appearance fee just to show up at the dinner table,” Wilkins said.
Hatton Weeks, the news director at WLBT, said he was unable to comment or provide more details on the incident for “a host of reasons,” but did confirm it happened on their Saturday newscast. WLBT is the local affiliate for NBC, according to its Facebook page.
“Say hello to my little friend!”