Dec 042017
 
The Right Way To Spell Potato

If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau

Then the right way to spell POTATO should be:

GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU

 

A Billboard In Croatia

 Political  Comments Off on A Billboard In Croatia
Sep 192017
 

We need to plaster these billboards all over California, Texas, and our whole southern border. The triggering would be so epic!

A Billboard In Croatia

From The Telegraph:

A Croatian language school has launched a new billboard in Zagreb depicting First Lady Melania Trump with the line: “Just imagine how far you can go with a little bit of English.”

The campaign was launched by the Američki Institut, a centre for the promotion of American culture based in the Croatian capital.

On Thursday the centre posted on Facebook a picture of the billboard showing a painting by a local artist of the first lady in front of an American flag with the message: “We entered the billboard game”.

The marketing campaign aims to remind people “of the importance of knowing the world of languages ​​and how much knowledge is essential for international success,” said Brett Campbell, Institut’s co-founder, in an interview with local newspaper Vecernji List.

“We are witnessing the great wave of emigration of Croatians who are looking for their fortunes in Anglo-Saxon countries, such as Ireland, Canada, Australia etc.

“If you are well-versed in English, in these markets you can go very far. And we can help you, ” the Boston-native said.

The campaign is the work of Ivis Burić, Vecernji List reported.

“People can have all sorts of opinions about Melania Trump, but they can not deny her the success she deserves and her knowledge of English,” she said.

“Not everyone can not become one of the most powerful women in the world.”

Mrs Trump, who was born in Slovenia, is fluent German, French and Serbian as well as English and Slovenian.

 

 

 

English Is A Crazy Language

 Amusing, Funny  Comments Off on English Is A Crazy Language
May 302017
 

English Is A Crazy Language

There is no egg in the eggplant,
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England,
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted, but if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don’t fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn’t the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught,
Why hasn’t the preacher praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways?
How can the weather be as hot as hell on one day
And as cold as hell on another?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down,
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn’t a race at all.)

That is why:
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts,
But when I wind up this poem
It ends.

 

Joke Of The Day: Language Lesson

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Language Lesson
Mar 102016
 
Rubber Chicken A friend of mine is an officer in the naval reserve.

A few weeks ago, He was attending a conference that included admirals in both the US and the French navies.

At a cocktail reception, my friend found himself in a small group that included an admiral from each of the two navies.

The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans only learned English.

He then asked. “Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you having to speak French?”

Without even hesitating, the American admiral replied.

“Maybe it’s because we arranged it so that you didn’t have to learn to speak German.”

The group became silent.

 

 

Where Did English Come From?

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Oct 032015
 

Yale faculty member Claire Bowern explains the evolution of the English language in this animated TED-Ed video.

Enjoy!

When we talk about ‘English’, we often think of it as a single language. But what do the dialects spoken in dozens of countries around the world have in common with each other, or with the writings of Chaucer? Claire Bowern traces the language from the present day back to its ancient roots, showing how English has evolved through generations of speakers.

 

Joke Of The Day: Angering The Irishman

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Mar 142015
 
Rubber Chicken Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser.”

“Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that.”

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. “I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn’t care.” The second Englishman remarked, “You just don’t know how to set him off…watch and learn.” So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying, cheating, idiotic, low-life scum!”

“Oh really, hmm, didn’t know that.”

Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his buddies. “You’re right. He’s unshakable!”

The third Englishman remarked, “Boys, I’ll really tick him off… just watch.” So the third Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, “I hear St. Patrick was an Englishman!”

“Yeah, that’s what your buddies were trying to tell me.”

 

 

English Confusion

 Funny  Comments Off on English Confusion
Dec 022014
 

English ConfusionSay What? Now I’m Confused:

ENGLISH CONFUSION:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
3) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
4) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
6) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
7) They were too close to the door to close it.
8) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
9) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests then object on the object.

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. – Why doesn’t ‘Buick’ rhyme with ‘quick’?

 

Joke Of The Day: Lighten The Load

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Oct 302014
 
Rubber Chicken An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says ” We’re having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive”

The four open the door and look out below.

The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers “God Save The Queen” and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers “Viva La France” and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers “Remember the Alamo” and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.