His buddy says, “What are we going to do?”
The driver says, “Don’t worry. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, peel the labels off our beer bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the bottles underneath the seat, and let me do the talking.”
They pull over and the cop walks up to the car. He looks at them kind of funny, but asks to see the guy’s driver’s license. And he asks him, “Have you been drinking?”
“Oh, no, sir,” the driver replies.
“I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you *sure* you haven’t been drinking?” the cop asks.
“Oh, no, sir,” the drunk answers. “We haven’t had a thing to drink tonight.”
“Well, I’ve got to ask you,” says the cop, “What on earth are those things on your forehead?”
“That’s easy, Officer,” says the drunk. “You see, we’re both alcoholics, and we’re on the patch.”
An Ontario man is facing charges after he and his buddies constructed a motorized picnic table and drove it around town.
Police said they attached a lawnmower motor and four customized wheels to the picnic table and took it for a spin on Sunday evening.
But the joy ride came to a sudden end when residents called police to complain about the group scooting around London’s streets, allegedly with open booze.
When officers found the table parked on a sidewalk, they charged a 46-year-old South Huron, Ont., man with having an open container of liquor in a public place.
“I juggle them in my act.”
“Oh, yeah? Says the doubtful cop. “Let’s see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts tossing and catching the knives. Another man driving by slows down to watch.
“Wow” says the passer-by. “I’m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they’re giving now!