Jul 142017
 
The Purina Diet

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog (duh?).

What did she think I had – an elephant?

On impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

 
 

Jul 142017
 
Joke Of The Day: Dog Plants A teacher was telling her class about plant names that have the word “dog” in them, such as dog-rose, dogwood, dog violet.

She asked the class if they could name another flower with the preface “dog”.

Steven raised his hand and said, “Sure Miss Jones. How about a ‘collie’ flower?”

 

 

 

Jun 252017
 

A chart that compares dog age to human age.

Relation of dog to human years

Dog Human
  6 months
  8 months
10 months
12 months
18 months
  2 years
  4 years
  6 years
  8 years
10 years
11 years
12 years
13 years
14 years
15 years
16 years
18 years
20 years
21 years
  10 years
  13 years
  14 years
  15 years
  20 years
  24 years
  32 years
  40 years
  48 years
  56 years
  60 years
  64 years
  68 years
  72 years
  76 years
  80 years
  88 years
  96 years
100 years

 

Why Do Dogs Tilt Their Heads?

 Information  Comments Off on Why Do Dogs Tilt Their Heads?
Jun 042017
 

Almost every dog does the head tilt, but what exactly does it mean? Confusion? Curiosity? Or is it just them being cute and hoping for a tasty treat? Well, here’s what may be going on.

 
 

Joke Of The Day: Don’t Talk To The Parrot

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Don’t Talk To The Parrot
May 302017
 
Joke Of The Day: Don't Talk To The Parrot Wanda’s dishwasher was broken, so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, ‘I’ll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll mail you a check. Oh, by the way, don’t worry about my dog Spike. He won’t bother you. But, whatever you do, DO NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!”

When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally, the repairman couldn’t contain himself any longer and yelled, ‘Shut up, you stupid, frickin ugly bird!’

To which the parrot replied, ‘Get him, Spike!’