|A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, “What’s the matter?”
He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.'”
“She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?”
“She wasn’t talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!”
|A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband’s temper.
The Doctor asks: “What’s the problem?”
The woman says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his temper for no reason. It scares me.”
The Doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your husband is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until he either leaves the room or calms down.”
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
The woman says: “Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”
The Doctor says: “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.”
|An elderly couple visits the doctor so the wife who is feeling poorly gets a checkup.
The old man waits in the waiting room while the old lady is in the examining room.
After a complete exam, the doctor brings the old woman into his office to ask her a few questions.
“How are you sleeping?” he asks.
“I get eight hours of sleep,” says the woman, “and sometimes I wake up to go the bathroom, but I have no problem falling back to sleep. Occasionally I take a 30 minutes nap in the afternoon, but all in all, I sleep just fine.”
“How is your diet?” asks the doctor.
“I have three well-balanced meals a day,” says the woman. “Sometimes I have a light snack between lunch and dinner, but I eat very well.”
“Do you still have intercourse?” asks the doctor.
“What?” replies the old lady.
“Intercourse,” says the doctor. “Do you still have intercourse?”
The old woman get up out of her chair and opens the door to the waiting room and asks her husband, “Honey, do we have intercourse?”
The old man looks at her and says, “I have told you a thousand times, it’s Blue Cross Blue Shield!”
|During a lady’s medical examination, the British doctor says, “Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”
The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor.
“No! No! …. Just stick out your tongue!”
A detailed look at the process that goes into making a glass eye.
A small, highly skilled team at Moorfields Eye Hospital transform the lives of people who have lost their eyes to accidents and disease. Each year, they work with their clients to create around 1,400 customised, detailed prosthetics, many of which replace eyes.
Modern prosthetic eyes are far removed from the old misconceptions about ‘glass eyes’, combining modern materials, craftsmanship and artistry in an entirely unique way. In this film, ocularist David Carpenter talks us through the entire process of how a single prosthetic eye is made.
|An old geezer, who had been a retired fireman for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said:Dr. Paul Geezer’s clinic. “Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.This is what transpired.
Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.” can you please help me ??
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Aaagh! This is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”
Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”
Dr. Young: “Oh no you don’t, — that is Gasoline!”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak — I can hardly see !!!!
Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so — ” Here’s your $1000 back.”
Dr. Young: “But this is only $500…”
Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”
Moral of story — Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old “Geezer ” !!!!
|Three doctors are in a duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, “Looks like a duck, flies like a duck … it’s probably a duck.” He shoots at it but misses, and the bird flies away.
The next bird flies overhead, and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual and says, “Hmmmm … green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound … might be a duck.” He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.
A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, “Go see if that was a duck.”