Elf Jokes

 Jokes  Comments Off on Elf Jokes
Dec 202016
 

santa-claus-and-elf-800px

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elfabet.

Q: Who is the most famous singing elf?
A: Elf Vis.

Q: What is the most favorite elf pet?
A: An Elflephant?

Q: What do elves do when a fellow elf falls down?
A: They elf em up.

Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: He had low Elf esteem.

Q: What do you call an elf that likes to swim?
A: An elfin.

Q: What do you call a stingy elf.
A: Elfish

Q: How do elves get up into the workshop attic?
A: The Elflevator.

Q: How do you describe an elf who refuses to take a bath?
A: Elfully smelly.

Q: What do you call an elf who teaches english?
A: A subordinate Claus

 

Santa’s House Listed On Zillow Real Estate Website

 Amusing, Funny  Comments Off on Santa’s House Listed On Zillow Real Estate Website
Dec 152016
 

Santa’s House

The folks at the real estate website Zillow are obviously in a holiday mood. They’ve just revealed a listing for Santa’s House at the North Pole.

It’s not opulent but it’s extremely cozy, with three bedrooms, two bathrooms and 2,500 square feet of “gorgeous old-growth timber logged on site.” Santa Claus’ house has never been sold and is not on the market, Zillow said in a news release.

Although the house is not for sale, Santa was able to update his home’s description and add photos, which can enhance the “Zestimate” value, Zillow said.

Built in 1822, the home looks great, thanks to a 2013 update with modern amenities.

Santa’s Kitchen

The gourmet kitchen, for example, features an oven with 12 different cookie settings. The living room retains its Old World charm with a floor-to-ceiling river rock fireplace for roasting chestnuts.

Santa’s Study

In Santa’s study are a writing desk and sewing table where Santa made the original teddy bear, according to Zillow.

“Santa’s home at the North pole is one of the most famous homes in the world, so we’re thrilled it’s now on Zillow,” said Zillow spokesman Jeremy Wacksman.

Map Of Santa's House

Also, at the Santa’s house listing on Zillow, children can start following Santa’s Christmas Eve trek to deliver presents around the world through the official NORAD Santa tracker. Type “Santa’s house” into the search bar on Zillow.com and click on “Locate Santa” in the lower right corner of the page.

Santa's Workshop

The 25-acre property includes a workshop that is, of course, state of the art with work stations for 50 elves. The garage houses Santa’s all-weather sleigh, and the stables have space for eight live-in reindeer.

With all these features, this property would be snatched up if it were for sale. The “Zestimate” price of $656,957 or rental rate of $3,300 per month would be a bargain for Santa Claus’ house at the North Pole.

Santa's House Zillow
Santa's House Zillow Estimate
 
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Terminally Ill Child Dies In Santa’s Arms

 Amusing  Comments Off on Terminally Ill Child Dies In Santa’s Arms
Dec 132016
 

Kleenex alert! Santa Claus gives a dying boy his final Christmas wish. This is a heartbreaking and heartwarming story all wrapped together.

Sometimes… it’s not easy being Santa Claus.

It’s a Christmas story from East Tennessee that has gained worldwide attention.

Eric Schmitt-Matzen spreads Christmas cheer year-round and grants wishes as Santa Claus. His long white beard and curled mustache makes him perfect for the part.

He and his wife, who joins him as Mrs. Claus, even went to Santa school six years ago.

But a month and a half ago, he answered the call to grant what would end up being one child’s final Christmas wish.

“He was more concerned about missing Christmas, than dying,” Schmitt-Matzen recalled to WBIR 10News.

He said he had just gotten home from work when a nurse at a local hospital called and said there was a very sick 5-year-old boy who wanted to see Santa Claus.

He was at the hospital in about 15 minutes and met the boy’s mother and other family members. She handed Schmitt-Matzen a toy to give to her child.

“When I got there, it was my job to make sure he got Christmas,” Schmitt-Matzen said.

With this tough task ahead of him, he asked everyone else to leave the room so that he wouldn’t break down in tears.

This is how he described what happened next, to a Knoxville News Sentinel columnist: 

“When I walked in, he was laying there, so weak it looked like he was ready to fall asleep. I sat down on his bed and asked, ‘Say, what’s this I hear about you’re gonna miss Christmas? There’s no way you can miss Christmas! Why, you’re my Number One elf!

“He looked up and said, ‘I am?’

“I said, ‘Sure!’

“I gave him the present. He was so weak he could barely open the wrapping paper. When he saw what was inside, he flashed a big smile and laid his head back down.

‘“They say I’m gonna die,’ he told me. ‘How can I tell when I get to where I’m going?’

“I said, ‘Can you do me a big favor?’

“He said, ‘Sure!’

“When you get there, you tell ’em you’re Santa’s Number One elf, and I know they’ll let you in.

“He said, ‘They will?’

“I said, ‘Sure!’

“He kinda sat up and gave me a big hug and asked one more question: ‘Santa, can you help me?’

“I wrapped my arms around him. Before I could say anything, he died right there. I let him stay, just kept hugging and holding on to him.

“Everyone outside the room realized what happened. His mother ran in. She was screaming, ‘No, no, not yet!’ I handed her son back and left as fast as I could.”

In the days that followed, Schmitt-Matzen was left with uncertainty about whether to continue being Santa. 

Looking for reassurance, he shared what he experienced with other Santas.

“They told a story who told the story to somebody who told the story to somebody,” he said. 

They continued to share the story and that’s how it ended up getting to Knoxville News Sentinel Columnist Sam Venable. His powerful column on this child’s final wish was shared thousands of times in a matter of hours.

Source…

 

George Washington’s Eggnog

 Recipes  Comments Off on George Washington’s Eggnog
Nov 202016
 

George Washington’s Eggnog

George Washington's Eggnog

Serves 8
Everyone knows that George Washington was one of the founding fathers, served as the commander-in-chief of the Continental Army and was the first President of the United States.

But what most people don’t realize is that George Washington was a brewer, distiller, cocktail connoisseur and one of the original mixologists. As a matter of fact many of his recipes still survive today in their original hand written form. One of his favorite and most popular, and most fitting for this time of year, is his Eggnog recipe. The recipe includes rye whiskey, rum, brandy and sherry and is rumored to have been “a stiff drink that only the most courageous were willing to try.”

So here it is, George Washington’s original Eggnog Recipe, are you “courageous” enough?


Prep Time: 45 min
Cook Time: 168 hr


Ingredients

  • 1 pint brandy
  • 1⁄2 pint rye whiskey
  • 1⁄2 pint jamaican rum
  • 1⁄4 pint sherry wine
  • 12 eggs, separated
  • 12 tablespoons sugar
  • 1 quart milk
  • 1 quart heavy cream

Instructions

  • MIX LIQUOR FIRST.
  • Separate yolks and whites of the eggs*.
  • Add sugar to beaten yolks and mix well.
  • Add combined liquors to the yolk and sugar mixture, drop by drop at first, slowly beating it all the while.
  • Add cream and milk and mix thoroughly.
  • Beat the egg whites* until stiff and gently fold these into cream liquor and yolk mixture.
  • Let this sit in the refrigerator for several days.
  • Taste frequently.
  • *I always remove the white thingum from eggs.

Notes

  • This was one of his favorite concoctions for celebrating Christmas at Mount Vernon.

Adapted from Food.com

 

All I Want For Christmas

 Funny, Political  Comments Off on All I Want For Christmas
Nov 152016
 

Here’s the best Christmas commercial of the year starring Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump.

All Hillary wanted for Christmas was the White House.

Donald Trump isn’t just for Christmas.

*FULL CREDIT GOES TO JOE.CO.UK*

 

Muslims See A Mall Christmas Tree, Then Start ATTACKING IT!

 Political  Comments Off on Muslims See A Mall Christmas Tree, Then Start ATTACKING IT!
Nov 142016
 

Behold… the Religion Of Peace And Tolerance!

Muslim Kurdish Youths attacked a Christmas tree inside the Family Mall in the northern Iraqi city, Duhok (known in Assyrian as Nuhadra) as the police stood by (much like the rioters in America today) and did nothing. This is what happens to a society that allows lawbreakers to threaten the safety and security of citizens with different beliefs or views.

Pay attention America. These may be Muslims living in another country who are disrespecting Christianity, but their lawless behavior and destruction of personal and public property is no different that what we’re seeing in America today.

This is also a great example of why we vet immigrants coming to America from majority Muslim countries who hate us, and why we need to make it clear to anyone who wants to live here, “Either you assimilate or GET OUT!” We have enough trouble with George Soros’ paid terrorists destroying our cities as it is. We don’t need to invite more trouble to our country.

Source…