Chinese Proverb Updated For 2012

Chinese Proverb:
“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish… and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Updated Version 2012:
“Give a man a welfare check, a cell phone, cash for his clunker, food stamps, section 8 housing, Medicaid, 100 weeks of unemployment checks, a 40-ounce malt liquor, needles, drugs, contraceptives, and designer Air Jordan shoes… and he will vote Democrat for a lifetime.”

Confucius Says

  • A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
  • A girl’s best asset is her ‘lie’ability.
  • America good place to put Chinese restaurants.
  • Before becoming master fisherman, must be master baiter.
  • Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.
  • Better to sleep with chicken than to choke it.
  • Boiling water, very hot.
  • Boy and girl go camping together sure to have naughty intent.
  • Butcher who backs into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.
  • Chemist who fall in acid, absorbed in work.
  • Crowded elevator smells different to midget.
  • Don’t drink and park, accidents cause people.
  • Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
  • Fool climb tree to find cherry—wise man spread limbs.
  • Girl laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
  • Girl who is wallflower at party is dandelion in bed.
  • Girl who sits on judges lap get honorable discharge.
  • Girl who slide down banister nude get splinter by crackey!
  • Girl with back to fire warming whole of her body.
  • He who eat ice cream in car is a Sundae Driver.
  • He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.
  • He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
  • He who fishes in another man’s well often catches crab.
  • He who live in glass house consumate in basement as well.
  • He who lives in glass house dresses in basement.
  • He who outruns the cheetah is very fast on his feet.
  • He who pick bum have smelly finger.
  • He who refuses to listen is lying.
  • He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
  • He who sniffs coke drowns.
  • Hockey player on ice have big stick.
  • House without toilet is uncanny.
  • If chain still swinging, seat will be warm.
  • If you turn an oriental around, he become disoriented.
  • If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.
  • Keeping it in family sure sound incestuous.
  • Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
  • Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on the whole woman have more!
  • Man should never straddle barbed wire fences.
  • Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
  • Man who abuse his computer get bad bytes!
  • Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night.
  • Man who bounce woman on bedspring this spring have offspring next spring.
  • Man who can bait hook without hooking finger, is a Master Baiter!!
  • Man who date flat-chested girl have good reason to feel low-down.
  • Man who dream of eating giant mushroom—wake up with no pillow.
  • Man who drive like hell bound to get there!
  • Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
  • Man who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.
  • Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
  • Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
  • Man who fly plane upside down have crackup.
  • Man who get paid pick up chick.
  • Man who goes to bed with cigarette wake up dead.
  • Man who go out with flat chested woman feel shallow.
  • Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake with smelly finger.
  • Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand.
  • Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
  • Man who jump off cliff jump to conclusion!
  • Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!
  • Man who lay maiden in pantry get ass in jam.
  • Man who lifts stones off woman get rocks off.
  • Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
  • Man who lose key to girlfriend’s apartment get no nukey!
  • Man who pee through screen door strain himself.
  • Man who piss into wind always get his own back.
  • Man who pull a fast one leave rubber behind .
  • Man who pulls on woman’s bra-strap may get bust in mouth.
  • Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
  • Man who read woman like book, prefer braille!
  • Man who run behind car get exhausted.
  • Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
  • Man who screws cook in pantry often gets ass in jam.
  • Man who sells Kotex, is crack salesman.
  • Man who sink into woman’s arms soon have arms in woman’s sink.
  • Man who sit on tack get point!
  • Man who sleeps with old hen finds it’s better than pullet.
  • Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands.
  • Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
  • Man who stand on toilet get high on pot.
  • Man who sucks nipples—make clean breast of things.
  • Man who take woman on camping trip have one intent.
  • Man who tell one to many light bulb jokes soon burn out!
  • Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
  • Man with athletic fingers make Broad Jump!
  • Man with hand in bush not necessarily trimming shrubs.
  • Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
  • Man with one chopstick go hungry.
  • Man with tool in woman’s mouth, not necessarily a dentist.
  • Naked man fears no pick pocket.
  • Never eat yellow snow.
  • Never raise hands to angry child—it leave groin exposed.
  • Panties not best thing on earth—but next to it.
  • Passionate kiss like spider’s web. Soon lead to undoing of fly.
  • Pentecostal who pass out get laid in church.
  • Rape impossible. Woman run faster with skirt up than man run with pants down.
  • Sailor who get discharged from Navy feel sad to leave buddies behind.
  • Schoolboy OK to masturbate as long as it’s not against Principal.
  • Seven days of honeymoon make one whole weak.
  • Squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts, man lay on crack and rock nuts.
  • Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg not find nuts.
  • Support bacteria – it’s the only culture some people have!
  • The hand that turneth the knob opens the door.
  • Those who make love in strawberry patch have butt in jam.
  • To make egg roll, push it.
  • To prevent hangover stay drunk!
  • Virgin like balloon–one prick, all gone.
  • Virgin with thimble on finger never feel prick.
  • War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
  • Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
  • When baby cry, give bust in face.
  • When in doubt, whip it out.
  • When lady says no, she mean maybe. When lady say maybe, she mean yes. When lady say yes, she no lady.
  • Wife for life is better than wife for strife.
  • Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
  • Wise man never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
  • Woman is like jazz music—3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.
  • Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
  • Woman who dance while wearing a jock strap have make believe ballroom.
  • Woman who fly air plane up-side down, have big crack up!
  • Woman who go to man’s apartment for snack may get tit bit.
  • Woman who put detergent on top shelf, Jump for Joy.
  • Woman who spend much time on bedspring may get offspring.
  • Woman who wears padded bra, makes mountains out of molehills.
  • Woman with bleached blonde hair have black hair by cracky.
  • Woman with cold hands have fire under skirt.
  • Women fake orgasm, Men fake foreplay.
  • Women take to good hearted men. Also from.

Chinese Proverbs

Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.