Joke Of The Day: Marrying A Canadian Woman

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: Marrying A Canadian Woman
Feb 232017
 
Rubber Chicken Three friends married women from different parts of the world.

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Canada. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

 

 

 

Canadian Chainsaw

 Amusing  Comments Off on Canadian Chainsaw
Apr 132016
 

A 1946 Canadian-Made Awesome Precision Bow Chainsaw.

Enjoy!

This is an awesome Canadian-made precision bow chainsaw produced in 1946-48. This Montreal-made precision bow chainsaw of high quality is greatly different from the current bow chainsaw models used in today’s works.

This ancient beast is equipped with a scratcher chain, a kind of design that involves a series of teeth that in principle scratch the surface of a wood. Unlike the old chainsaws, the currently used ones are designed with chipper chains which are produced with several features to adjust the depth of the cut.

These kinds of things should be saved from the waster yards and should be restored.

Source…

 

Cops Nab Drunk Driver On A Motorized Picnic Table

 Amusing  Comments Off on Cops Nab Drunk Driver On A Motorized Picnic Table
Aug 262012
 

Priceless!

An Ontario man is facing charges after he and his buddies constructed a motorized picnic table and drove it around town.

Police said they attached a lawnmower motor and four customized wheels to the picnic table and took it for a spin on Sunday evening.

But the joy ride came to a sudden end when residents called police to complain about the group scooting around London’s streets, allegedly with open booze.

When officers found the table parked on a sidewalk, they charged a 46-year-old South Huron, Ont., man with having an open container of liquor in a public place.

Source…

Man Spends 9 Years Excavating His Basement with Remote-Controlled Earthmovers

 Amusing  Comments Off on Man Spends 9 Years Excavating His Basement with Remote-Controlled Earthmovers
Mar 212012
 

SOME people pore over 30,000 piece jigsaw puzzles.

Others build Spanish galleons out of toothpicks or play Minecraft.

But next time someone tells you to do something constructive with your spare time, you might like to take a leaf from Joe Murray’s book – and, er, do something constructive.

For the past nine years, Joe’s supervised a team of excavators, bulldozers and dump trucks as they tackled a giant project … to excavate his basement.

Okay, so at first glance, it doesn’t seem like such a big job. If you know which end of a shovel goes into the ground, you could excavate a room-sized cavern under your house in a couple of weeks.

But if you live in Saskatchewan, Canada, where in winter the mercury has been known to hover somewhere below -15C for several weeks on end, it’s good to have a hobby.

Read more…

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Nov 222010
 

Three men are traveling in the Amazon: a Canadian, an American, and a Frenchman.

They get captured by a fierce tribe of Amazons.

The tribe leader tells them they will be whipped for entering their territory.

The tribal chief says to the Canadian, “What do you want on your back for your whipping?”

The Canadian responds, “I will take oil!”

So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times.

When he is finished the Canadian has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the Canadian away, and say to the American, “What do you want on your back?”

“I will take nothing! I will take my punishment like a real man!” says the American, and he boldly stands there and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch.

Finally, it’s the Frenchman’s turn and the tribal chief asks:
“What will you take on your back?”

And he responds – “I’ll take the American!”

Cultural Differences Explained

 Amusing  Comments Off on Cultural Differences Explained
Jun 112010
 

Cultural Differences Explained between American, Canadians, Aussies and Britishers

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.

Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can’t possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.

Canadians: Believe that that’s the government’s job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.

Canadians: Can’t agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.

Canadians: Don’t, but only because they can’t get more American channels.

Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.

Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.

Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby.

Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.

Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat others in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it “English”.

Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it “English”.

Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.

Aussies: Add “G’day”, “mate” and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.

Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.

Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.

Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.

Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.

Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.

Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.

Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Oct 122009
 

Having shot a moose two Canadians began dragging it by the tail to their pick-up.

On the way they were stopped by a game warden. “Let me see your hunting licenses boys,” he said. When he saw that everything was in order he asked if he could give them some advice.

“Sure!” the hunters agreed.

“Well boys, I think that you would find it a lot easier to drag that moose by the horns and not the tail.”

“Aye, O.K. and thanks,” said the lads.

After about five minutes one said to the other, “Boy, dragging by the horns is sure a lot easier, eh?”

“Aye, you’re right,” said his friend, “but have you noticed that we are getting further away from the truck?”