Amazing Dominoes with bricks or how they lay bricks in Australia!
Amazing Dominoes with bricks or how they lay bricks in Australia!
|An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been (sexually) with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.
She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. They end up getting married.
On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked, and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.
“What happened?” she asks.
“I’ve never been with a woman” he says, “but if it’s anything like screwing a kangaroo… I’m gonna need all the room I can get!”
Annual Borrud Slip n Slide down at the farm kicked off this year on Australia (Straya) Day !
Then continued on the next weekend.
Over 75 sliders this year taking advantage of the long summer days and warm temps.
Special thanks to Peter Cape, Nick Hill, Andy, Seb, Nick Healey, Will Gardner, Robin, Clive, & Matt Hehman, for their work on this year’s slide. Next year has a few new surprises in store.
Running to the Watering Hole, Australia
I took my team of 13 Working Australian Kelpies for a run with our quad bike on our southern farm. Once I uttered the words, ‘go have a drink’, they took off full speed for the watering hole. Fit, healthy, well loved dogs enjoying life to the fullest. Filmed in Moora, Western Australia. The Australian Kelpie, or simply Kelpie, is an Australian sheep dog successful at mustering and droving with little or no guidance. It is a medium-sized dog and comes in a variety of colors. The Kelpie has been exported throughout the world and is used to muster livestock, primarily sheep, cattle and goats. The breed has been separated into two distinct varieties: the Show (or Bench) Kelpie and the Working Kelpie. The Show Kelpie is seen at conformation dog shows in some countries and is selected for appearance rather than working instinct, while the Working Kelpie is bred for working ability rather than appearance. The Working Kelpie comes in three coat types: smooth, short, and rough.
Aussie teens catch mud crabs by hand and have a seafood BBQ.
Even though it’s nearly March, it’s still pretty cold and nasty outside. Not so in Australia where it is averaging in the mid 70’s right now. And the Tarra Darra Brothers are enjoying every minute of the nice weather.
In this extended clip, the boys go hunting for mud crabs and have a seafood BBQ that makes Red Lobster look like, well, Red Lobster. Jealous? Yes.
|In Australia, the curbside garbage carts are called “wheelie bins.”
A garbage collector is driving along a Sydney street picking up the wheelie bins and emptying them into his rubbish truck. He goes to one house where the bin hasn’t been left out.
In the spirit of kindness and after having a quick look about for the bin, he gets out of his truck, goes to the front door and knocks. There’s no answer.
Being a conscientious bloke, he knocks again – much harder. Eventually, a Japanese man comes to the door. “Harro!” says the Japanese man.
“G’day mate, where’s ya’ bin?” asks the collector.
“I bin on toilet,” explains the Japanese bloke, a bit perplexed.
Realizing the fellow had misunderstood him, the bin man smiles and tries again. “No mate, where’s ya’ dust bin?”
“I dust been to toilet, I toll you!” says the Japanese man, still perplexed.
“Listen,” says the garbage collector. “You’re misunderstanding me. I mean, where’s ya’ wheelie bin?'”
OK, OK. ” replies the Japanese man with a sheepish grin, and whispers in the collector’s ear. “I… wheelie bin having sex wiffa wife’s sista!!
Josh Hawkins and Rhys Keir demonstrate how to speak like an Australian. Apparently Australians love to use abbreviations.
Once again… Redneck ingenuity!
Ollie creates a ride on mower Aussie style.
A parody PSA in honor of Australia’s Father’s Day last weekend warns against the devastating consequences of dad jokes.
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were supposedly posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the supposed actual responses by the website officials.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney — can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, so take lots of water.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay?
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia?
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia?
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia?
A: No, WE don’t stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population?
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help?
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.
|An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion.
The Italian said, “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non-stop for five minutes.”
The Frenchman said, “Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight.”
Then the Aussie said, “That’s nothing! Last night I massaged my wife, y’know, all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours.”
The astonished Italian and Frenchman asked, “Two full hours? Wow, that’s phenomenal! How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?”
The Aussie replied, “I wiped my greasy hands on the curtains!“
A Land Rover Defender drives up a “Real Man’s” 4WD track.
One brave soul attempted it in a Land cruiser but failed before even getting both sets of wheels on the ramp. He is currently at home trying to fix his exhaust.
The video was taken at the Maitland 4WD Camping Show 2009 and the ramp is 5.5M above the ground.
The majority of the drive is done with the driver seeing nothing but sky.
Ze Frank with a hilarious take on marsupials.
This is what happens when a mother leaves a band geek father and his son alone in the kitchen.
Forget baking bread, one father and son have been busy cooking up music hits in their kitchen.
Russ and Toby Bauer from Brisbane, Australia, are seen in a new video performing a rendition of Freaks by Sydney-based house DJ Timmy Trumpet.
Russ is seen blasting away on the trombone, while his ten-year-old accompanist, Toby, enthusiastically sounds some bass beats using the oven door.
As he powerfully raps the kitchen appliance, the young musician nods his head in time.
Both performers complete their look with dark Blues Brothers-style sunglasses.
The duo was filmed by Russ’ daughter and Toby’s sister, Jess.
Apparently Mrs Bauer was sat in the living room at the time, no doubt wincing every time she heard the oven door strike.
When he’s not entertaining at home, Russ teaches performance music at Sheldon College in Queensland.