Oct 192017
 
Bizarre Drink Recipes

Absolute Zero = Absolut vodka over frozen nitrogen

Alexander the Grrreat = Gin, creme de cacao, and sweet cream over corn flakes

American in Paris = Kentucky bourbon and champagne

Black Sabbath = Kahlua and Mogen David wine

Blind Faith = Wood alcohol and sacramental wine

Blood Clot = Vodka, tomato juice, and Jell-O

Bloody Awful = Vodka and ketchup

Blue Moon = Corn whiskey and Aqua Velva

Brown Bowl = Vodka and Prune Juice

Coleman Cooler = White wine, soda, fried chicken crumbs, and sand

Fuzzy Naval Base = Peach schnapps, orange juice, and ammonia

George Bush = George Dickel bourbon and Busch beer

Gorbachev = Vodka with a splash of port wine

Honeydew the Dishes = Midori and Dawn

Marie Antoinette = Bourbon, cake mix, and flat beer

Martinizer = Gin, vermouth, and carbon tetrachloride

Mary Poppins = Vodka, tomato juice, and a spoonful of sugar

Mexican Hairless = Tequila and Minoxidil

Oil of Ole = Mazola and Sangria

Peter, Paul, and Mary = Potassium nitrate, Paul Masson wine, and tomato juice

Phillips’ Screwdriver = Vodka, orange juice, and milk of magnesia

Port in a Storm = Red wine and rainwater

Quack Doctor = Cold duck and Dr. Pepper

A Rum with a View = Bacardi and Visine

Rum-Pole of the Bailey = Bacardi rum, Popov vodka, and Bailey’s Irish Cream

Sake-to-me = Rice wine, punch, and nitrous oxide

Scotch Tapeworm = Dewar’s and Mescal

Shipwreck = Cutty Sark on the rocks

Short Wave = Ripple in a shot glass, ginger, syrup, and pomegranate

Sinead O’Connor = Irish whiskey and Nair

Skid Roe = Muscatel and caviar

Sour Kraut = Schnapps and lemon juice

Sundae Driver = Vodka, orange juice, and ice cream

Tequila Mockingbird = Jose Cuervo and birdseed

 
 

Joke Of The Day: My Son’s First Beer

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day: My Son’s First Beer
May 282017
 
Joke Of The Day: My Son's First Beer While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first beer. Off we went to our local pub only five blocks from our house and I got him a Guinness. He didn’t like it, so I drank it. Then I got him a Kilkenny’s, he didn’t like that either, so I drank it. I got him a Budweiser. He didn’t like it, so I drank it Finally, I thought he might like some Harp Lager? He didn’t. So I drank it.

So, I thought maybe he’d like whiskey better than beer, so we tried a Jameson’s, nope! Still, in desperation, I had him try Jack Daniels. He wouldn’t even smell it. What could I do but drink it!

Well, my friend, by the time I realized he just didn’t like to drink, I was so drunk I could hardly push his stroller.

 

 

 

What You Weren’t Taught: The U.S. Government’s National Experiment in Extermination

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Mar 132017
 
The U.S. Government Poisoned Alcohol During Prohibition and 10,000 people were killed.

In desperation to make effective the floundering Prohibition on alcohol, the U.S. government — unable to convince the public consumption of booze constituted a moral transgression — intentionally poisoned the supply in a last-ditch attempt to enforce State-mandated sobriety.

This “Chemist’s war of Prohibition” became, as the outspoken opponent and New York City chief medical examiner in the 1920s, Charles Norris, hauntingly described, “our national experiment in extermination.”

Rather than keep people away from bathtub gin and the constant flow of liquor in hidden speakeasies — the State-sanctioned toxic experiment killed thousands of people who simply wanted to imbibe.

Alcohol poisoning in the time of Prohibition had become commonplace — anyone with a grasp on forced taboos will tell you government control of vice furiously fuels black markets — as home distillers, including those keen to profit unethically, concocted batches of booze made with questionable ingredients.

Hospitals accustomed to treating illnesses caused by bad batches of homemade alcohol — bootleg supplies not infrequently were tainted with metals and other contaminants — were not prepared for a spate of deaths in New York City over the Christmas holidays in 1926. This wasn’t, they realized, a typical case of toxic back-alley booze — in a mere two days, 23 people lost their lives.

People began dropping like flies, in fact, and a list of similar incidents quickly lengthened.

Thirty-three people perished in just three days in Manhattan in 1928 from tainted hooch believed to be wood alcohol — and by that time, the public felt federal intervention might be necessary. However, as TIME reported shortly afterward.

“Everyone expected the intervention and assistance of Federal forces, lately so loudly active in Manhattan. But no one expected what actually happened. The Federals announced that the government could do absolutely nothing. The statement of the Federal Grand Jury read as follows: ‘Inasmuch as wood alcohol is not a beverage, but a recognized poison (analogous to prussic acid or iodine) and its use and sale are not regulated by any of the Federal laws, we respectfully report that in those particular instances the subject matter is for the consideration of the State authorities rather than the Federal authorities. The State laws regulate the sale of poisons and provide for punishment for their improper use and sale.’”

By the time of the repeal of Prohibition in the December 5, 1933, ratification of the Twenty-first Amendment, estimates surmise no less than 10,000 had perished as a direct result of the government’s horrendously ill-fated poisoning program. As Slate’s Deborah Blum reported,

“Frustrated that people continued to consume so much alcohol even after it was banned, federal officials had decided to try a different kind of enforcement. They ordered the poisoning of industrial alcohols manufactured in the United States, products regularly stolen by bootleggers and resold as drinkable spirits. The idea was to scare people into giving up illicit drinking. Instead, by the time Prohibition ended in 1933, the federal poisoning program, by some estimates, had killed at least 10,000 people.”

In order to poison the supply, the government had to turn to the base ingredient commonly used by bootleg manufacturers, as TIME Magazine explained,

“For years, that industrial alcohol had been ‘denatured’ by adding toxic or unappetizing chemicals to it — the idea was originally so that people couldn’t escape beverage taxes by drinking commercial-use alcohol instead — but it was still possible to re-purify the liquid so that it could be consumed.

“So, as TIME reported in the Jan. 10, 1927, issue, a solution emerged from the anti-drinking forces in the government: that year, a new formula for denaturing industrial-grade alcohol was introduced, doubling how poisonous the product became. The new formula included ‘4 parts methanol (wood alcohol), 2.25 parts pyridine bases, 0.5 parts benzene to 100 parts ethyl alcohol’ and, as TIME noted, ‘Three ordinary drinks of this may cause blindness.’ (In case you didn’t guess, ‘blind drink’ isn’t just a figure of speech.)”

Prohibition had widespread support, and although not everyone agreed with the government’s new method of coercion meant to quash the nation’s obvious love affair with alcohol — TIME noted New Jersey Senator Edward I. Edwards called it “legalized murder” — those who did pontificated on the supposed amorality of drinking as justification for poisoning deaths.

“The Government is under no obligation to furnish the people with alcohol that is drinkable when the Constitution prohibits it,” asserted poisoning and Prohibition advocate, Wayne B. Wheeler. “The person who drinks this industrial alcohol is a deliberate suicide … To root out a bad habit costs many lives and long years of effort. …”

The Chicago Tribune strikingly editorialized in 1927, as cited by Slate,

“Normally, no American government would engage in such business. … It is only in the curious fanaticism of Prohibition that any means, however barbarous, are considered justified.”

Myriad ruinous government programs, in particular, prohibitions on alcohol and cannabis, have been implemented under the premise of protecting the people from some misbegotten ill — but, in practice, these efforts too often play out more disastrously than if the State had never intervened in the first place.

Ratification of the Eighteenth Amendment to the Constitution in 1919 meant a ban on the sale, manufacture, and transport of alcoholic beverages — and the subsequent passage of the Volstead Act provided the rules for enforcement of Prohibition when it went into effect in 1920.

Anti-alcohol organizations constantly sermonized on the evils of drinking, and though the notion seems almost quaint in 2017, the post-war atmosphere in the U.S. welcomed any movement to prevent further degradation of morals — or, more accurately, the morals of a specific group of people whose grandstanding centered around alcohol.

Unsurprisingly, vocal support for the platform overrepresented the reality — the business of banned booze immediately and decisively boomed. Blum wrote,

“Alcoholism rates soared during the 1920s; insurance companies charted the increase at more than 300 more percent. Speakeasies promptly opened for business. By the decade’s end, some 30,000 existed in New York City alone. Street gangs grew into bootlegging empires built on smuggling, stealing, and manufacturing illegal alcohol. The country’s defiant response to the new laws shocked those who sincerely (and naively) believed that the amendment would usher in a new era of upright behavior.”

None of that shock nor the high-and-mighty stance from which the temperance movement preached moral uprightness ever targeted the government for recklessly condemning random alcohol drinkers to death.

When the State takes the reins of any flippantly righteous high horse, it’s a veritable guarantee the program is doomed to failure — and Prohibition was no exception.

Indiscriminately killing more than 10,000 people by deliberate poisoning, however, belies the less candid goal the government would never admit: control at any cost.

Congress and the White House doubled the amount of methanol in industrial liquor and added benzine to the mix. The poisonous substances were meant to discourage people from drinking bootleg products. (New York Times)
Congress and the White House doubled the amount of methanol in industrial liquor and added benzine to the mix. The poisonous substances were meant to discourage people from drinking bootleg products. (New York Times)

 
By Claire Bernish

How To Of The Day: How To Cook A Turkey

 Funny, How To, Jokes  Comments Off on How To Of The Day: How To Cook A Turkey
Nov 242016
 

fatmanwithturkey-800pxHow To Cook A Turkey:

Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turk the bastey
Step 8: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 9: Ponder the meat thermometer
Step 10: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 11: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 12: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 13: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 14: Turk the carvey
Step 15: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 16: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 17: Bless the dinner and pass out

 

George Washington’s Eggnog

 Recipes  Comments Off on George Washington’s Eggnog
Nov 202016
 

George Washington’s Eggnog

George Washington's Eggnog

Serves 8
Everyone knows that George Washington was one of the founding fathers, served as the commander-in-chief of the Continental Army and was the first President of the United States.

But what most people don’t realize is that George Washington was a brewer, distiller, cocktail connoisseur and one of the original mixologists. As a matter of fact many of his recipes still survive today in their original hand written form. One of his favorite and most popular, and most fitting for this time of year, is his Eggnog recipe. The recipe includes rye whiskey, rum, brandy and sherry and is rumored to have been “a stiff drink that only the most courageous were willing to try.”

So here it is, George Washington’s original Eggnog Recipe, are you “courageous” enough?


Prep Time: 45 min
Cook Time: 168 hr


Ingredients

  • 1 pint brandy
  • 1⁄2 pint rye whiskey
  • 1⁄2 pint jamaican rum
  • 1⁄4 pint sherry wine
  • 12 eggs, separated
  • 12 tablespoons sugar
  • 1 quart milk
  • 1 quart heavy cream

Instructions

  • MIX LIQUOR FIRST.
  • Separate yolks and whites of the eggs*.
  • Add sugar to beaten yolks and mix well.
  • Add combined liquors to the yolk and sugar mixture, drop by drop at first, slowly beating it all the while.
  • Add cream and milk and mix thoroughly.
  • Beat the egg whites* until stiff and gently fold these into cream liquor and yolk mixture.
  • Let this sit in the refrigerator for several days.
  • Taste frequently.
  • *I always remove the white thingum from eggs.

Notes

  • This was one of his favorite concoctions for celebrating Christmas at Mount Vernon.

Adapted from Food.com

 

Oct 282016
 

A new Wikileaks dump exposed a drunk Hillary Clinton at 4:30 in the afternoon when her campaign tried to reach her in August 2015.

An Aug. 8, 2015, email exchange between John Podesta and Jennifer Palmieri revealed the two discussing whether to call Hillary and “sober her up some.”

Podesta asked at 2 p.m.

“Should I call her and talk this through or better leave with you?” “I’m worried she’ll get on with Cheryl [Mills] and we’ll end up in a bad place.”

It took Palmieri two hours to respond to Podesta’s question.

“I think you should call her and sober her up some,” she said.

Maybe Hillary does have a drinking problem. Remember when Obama joked about her drunk texting him from Cartagena?

Keep this in mind. There is a grain of truth in every joke and a joke is nothing more than truth wrapped in a smile. A woman with a drinking problem should not have her hands anywhere near the nuclear codes.

Also was she texting Obama or emailing him from her private server?

Flashback from 2012:

“Four years ago I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later, she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena,” said Obama in his address to laughter from the audience.

Clinton was photographed drinking beer and dancing in a club in Cartagena, Colombia earlier this month.
The secretary of state was attending a weekend summit there with the president and 33 other heads of state from countries in the Western Hemisphere.

Clinton has shown humor about her image in recent weeks, acknowledging a popular Tumblr blog, Texts From Hillary, that presents faux text messages over photos of her texting.

In a submission to the site, Clinton thanked the blog’s creators for “the many LOLZ.”

Clinton, who lost the 2008 Democratic presidential contest to Obama, has also been the focus of speculation on a future 2016 bid.

Source…

_89517161_2012-card-up

Hillary Drunk - hillary-boozed-up

 

The Almanac Of Alcohol

 Infographics  Comments Off on The Almanac Of Alcohol
Sep 122016
 

Pop Chart Lab as created a visual representation of alcoholic drinks, categorized by their main ingredient or country of origin.

Almanac of Alcohol

Click to enlarge

Proceed posthaste to this compleat cataloguing of alcohols! At top, a two-pronged taxonomy of tipples both fermented and distilled—from wine to whiskey to beer and beyond! Meanwhile, the nether section essays to illuminate the production processes of potables most notable. Taken together, this is guaranteed to be the most enlivening almanac of which you’ll ever partake.

Source…

 
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