“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” – Lewis Grizzard
“The problem with the designated driver program, it’s not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, just drop them off at the wrong house.” – Jeff Foxworthy
“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there is a man on base.” – Dave Barry
“Relationships are hard. It’s like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.” – Bob Ettinger
“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.'” – Paula Poundstone
“The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.” – Roseanne
“I think that’s how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, ‘Gee, I’m enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn’t cold enough. Let’s go west.'”- Richard Jeni
“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.” -Johnny Carson
“Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.”- Paul Rodriguez
“My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Bigamy is having one wife or husband too many. Monogamy is the same.” – Oscar Wilde
“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.” – Mae West
“Suppose you were an idiot… And suppose you were a member of Congress … But I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain
“Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.” – A. Whitney Brown
“Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.” – Roseanne
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘My Goodness, you’re right I never would’ve thought of that!'” – Dave Barry
“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.” – George Carlin
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.” – Author Unknown
Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: “Take two aspirin” and “Keep away from children”
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
Men are like linoleum floors. Lay ’em right and you can walk all over them for thirty years. ~ Betsy Salkind
The only reason they say ‘Women and children first’ is to test the strength of the lifeboats. ~ Jean Kerr
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. ~ Prince Philip
Wood burns faster when you have to cut and chop it yourself. ~ Harrison Ford
The best cure for Sea Sickness, is to sit under a tree. ~ Spike Milligan
Kill one man and you’re a murderer, kill a million and you’re a conqueror. ~ Jean Rostand
Having more money doesn’t make you happier. I have 50 million dollars but I’m just as happy as when I had 48 million. ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger
We are here on earth to do good unto others. What the others are here for, I have no idea. ~ WH Auden
In hotel rooms, I worry. I can’t be the only guy who sits on the furniture naked. ~ Jonathan Katz
If life were fair, Elvis would still be alive today and all the impersonators would be dead. ~ Johnny Carson
I don’t believe in astrology. I am a Sagittarius and we’re very skeptical. ~ Warren Tantum (School photo album)
Hollywood must be the only place on earth where you can be fired by a man wearing a Hawaiian shirt and a baseball cap. ~ Steve Martin
Home cooking. Where many a man thinks his wife is. ~ Jimmy Durante
The first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone. ~ George Roberts
If God had intended us to fly he would have made it easier to get to the airport. ~ Jonathan Winters
I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it. ~ Robert Benchley
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. ~ John Glenn
America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. ~ David Letterman
I’m not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. Dammit, I’m a billionaire. ~ Howard Hughes
After the game, the King and the pawn go into the same box. ~ Old Italian proverb
Did you know that The University Of California, Berkeley and Berkeley College (Yale University) are named after a devout Christian and slave owner?
All across the country, centuries-old names that adorn statues, buildings and streets are under siege.
Once widely honored in a different era, men whose names are etched on statues and college campuses have become symbols of hate. Mind numbed people inspired in part by, The Alt-Left Media, corrupt politicians and the Black Lives Matter movement, are calling for the removal of these symbols honoring people connected to slavery, colonialism and the Confederacy.
Maybe these same people, who are so open-minded their brains are falling out, should demand that these two institutions along with Berkeley California be renamed.
Berkeley College (Yale University)
Berkeley College is a residential college at Yale University, opened in 1934. The eighth of Yale’s 12 residential colleges, it was named in honor of George Berkeley (1685–1753), dean of Derry and later bishop of Cloyne, in recognition of the assistance in land and books that he gave to Yale in the 18th century.
University of California, Berkeley
The University of California, Berkeley, (also referred to as UC Berkeley, Berkeley, Cal, Cal Berkeley, and California) is a public research university located in Berkeley, California. Founded in 1868, Berkeley is the oldest of the ten research universities affiliated with the University of California system and is ranked as one of the world’s leading research universities and the top public university in the United States. In 1869 Frederick H. Billings was a trustee of the College of California and suggested that the college be named in honor of the Anglo-Irish philosopher George Berkeley.
Bishop George Berkeley bought 3-5 slaves during his brief stay in the New World between 1728 and 1731, to work on his Rhode Island plantation, Whitehall. When Berkeley returned to Europe in 1731, he donated the plantation to Yale.
Yale turned payments from the plantation into its first set of scholarships. At this time, the plantation likely continued being worked by slaves. Charles Handy leased Whitehall farm from Yale, and sent Yale payments that would fund scholarships. The Rhode Island census, in 1774, shows that the household of Charles Handy included: “Blacks: 4”.
It is likely that these four black people included in Handy’s household were slaves. In his study of slavery in the 1774 Rhode Island census, Louis Masur explains:
The density of slave owning white households in Newport county in 1774 was almost as high as the density of slave owning white households in the American South during the Civil War. It would be normal for someone farming a Newport plantation to use slaves to work the land.
Words etched into the floor of Berkeley College today explain:
George Berkeley had slaves working his plantation until he left in 1731. The profits earned by leasing the Whitehall plantation after 1732 funded Yale’s first scholarships. The person leasing the plantation around the time of the 1774 census included four black people as members of his household, and most black people so listed were slaves.
Assuming slaves worked the old Berkeley plantation, then Yale’s own land was worked by slaves, and Yale’s first scholarship was funded for up to 50 years with money earned from slave labor. It is for the gift of this plantation that his name is honored today with the name of “Berkeley college“.
After coming to the colonies, Berkeley bought a plantation in Newport, Rhode Island-the famous “Whitehall.” On October 4, 1730, Berkeley purchased “a Negro man named Philip aged Fourteen years or thereabout.” A few days later he purchased “a negro man named Edward aged twenty years or thereabouts.” On June 11, 1731, “Dean Berkeley baptized three of his negroes, ‘Philip, Anthony, and Agnes Berkeley'”.
Berekley’s sermons explained to the colonists why Christianity supported slavery, and hence slaves should become baptized Christians:
“The past was erased, the erasure was forgotten, the lie became the truth.” ~ George Orwell, 1984
aesthetically challenged – ugly
aquatically challenged – drowning
biologically challenged – dead
blubber lovers – whaler
bovine control officers – Dallas Cowboys
Caucasian culturally-disadvantaged – white trash
certified astrological consultant – crackpot
certified crystal therapist – crackpot
certified past-life regression hypnotist – crackpot
chemically challenged – drug addict
chronologically gifted – old
client of the correctional system – prisoner
codependent – finger-pointer
constructivist psychotherapy – psychobabble
creatively re-dyed – stained
cyclically challenged – having PMS
differently organized – messy
differently-brained – stupid
economically marginalized – poor
energy-efficient – off
environmentally correct human – dead
equal opportunity employee – bisexual hooker
erectionally challenged – impotent
facially challenged – ugly
factually unencumbered – ignorant
fecally plenary – full of crap
female gender biased – prefers women who shave their legs
financially inept – po’
folically independent – bald
genetically discriminating – racist
geological correction – earthquake
gerontologically advanced – old
grammatically challenged – one who has difficulties with grammar or (by extension) punctuation or spelling
gravitationally challenged – fat
horizontally challenged – thin
horizontally gifted – fat
in denial – unaware that forgetting something obviously proves it happened
in recovery – drunk/junkie
intellectually impaired – stupid
living impaired – dead
maintenance hole – man-hole
male gender biased – prefers men who shave their chests
mechanically challenged – broken down automobile
melanin-impoverished – white
metabolically challenged – dead
microslothically challenged – Windows user
monetarily challenged – poor
morally (ethically) challenged – a crook
morally handicapped – someone who has no other reason to park in a handicapped zone
motivationally dispossessed – lazy
musically delayed – tone deaf
nasally gifted – runny nose
nasally gifted – large nose
nitpicklike – humor challenged
one who is PC – target practice
ontologically challenged – fictional or mythological
osmotically challenged – thirsty
outdoor urban dwellers – homeless
people of height – too tall
person of region – redneck
person of substance – fat
persons living with entropy – dead
persons of large stature – NY Giants
petroleum transfer technician – gas station attendent
photonically non-receptive – blind
residentially flexible – homeless
romantically challenged – not with somebody at the moment
rustically inclined – redneck
selectively perceptive – insane
sex care provider – prostitute
sexually focused chronologically gifted individual – dirty old man
socially challenged – geek or nerd
socially separated – convict
spacially perplexed – drunk
street activity index – crime rate
structurally challenged – broken
suffering from a sex addiction (female) – slut
suffering from a sex addiction (male) – stud
target equity group – vocal minority
uniquely coordinated – clumsy
uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path – loser
verbally challenged – mute, dumb
vertically challenged – short
visually challenged – blind
youth group – gang
“To say you won’t respect the results of the election — that is a direct threat to our Democracy. The peaceful transfer of power is one of the things that makes America, America. And look, some people are sore losers, and we just got to keep going.” ~ Hillary Clinton Charlotte, North Carolina October 23, 2016
Not accepting the results of the election is “a direct threat to our Democracy!” Because fixing the election against Bernie Sanders was an homage to Democracy, right?
Launching a series of tweets at 5.35am eastern time on Saturday morning, the US president said: “Terrible! Just found out that Obama had my ‘wires tapped’ in Trump Tower just before the victory. Nothing found. This is McCarthyism!”
He followed up that initial tweet with a string of others in the following 30 minutes that claimed Obama had defied a court rejection to tap his office, and invited a “good lawyer” to make a case against the alleged process.
Terrible! Just found out that Obama had my "wires tapped" in Trump Tower just before the victory. Nothing found. This is McCarthyism!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 4, 2017
Is it legal for a sitting President to be "wire tapping" a race for president prior to an election? Turned down by court earlier. A NEW LOW!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 4, 2017
I'd bet a good lawyer could make a great case out of the fact that President Obama was tapping my phones in October, just prior to Election!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 4, 2017
How low has President Obama gone to tapp my phones during the very sacred election process. This is Nixon/Watergate. Bad (or sick) guy!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 4, 2017
It now appears that Obama, Hillary Clinton, the FBI, the CIA, the DOJ, and the NSA were all a much greater threat to this past election than the Russians.
What this “scandal-free” Obama administration did before leaving… to try to set in place within our federal government, an apparatus to take down the incoming President & his administration, has the potential to be one of the greatest scandals in American History. This is NOT hyperbole. ~ Mark Levin
Former CNN correspondent turned Whistleblower, Amber Lyon, exposes how the network is earning money from oppressive regimes in exchange for creating and airing content that casts a favorable light on the regimes. She also revealed CNN International refused to air CNN’s own award-winning documentary, ‘iRevolution’, a documentary exposing the Bahrain regime’s brutal crackdown on pro-democracy protesters.
Instead of watch-dogging governments around the world, CNN is earning money from them, producing what might as well be called ‘Infomercials for Dictators’, sponsored shows and content that cast a positive light on some of the world’s most oppressive regimes.
The news organization is defrauding unsuspecting viewers and its own journalists who often risk their lives to expose those same oppressive regimes.
The ‘Most Trusted Name in News’ must ultimately decide whether it’s in the business of government propaganda or journalism.
“Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations.” ~ George Orwell
Back in March 2011, CNN sent a four person team to Bahrain to cover the Arab Spring. Once there, the crew was the subject of extreme intimidation amongst other things, but they were able to record some fantastic footage. As Glenn Greenwald of the UK’s Guardian writes in his blockbuster article from September 4th 2012:
“In the segment, Lyon interviewed activists as they explicitly described their torture at the hands of government forces, while family members recounted their relatives’ abrupt disappearances. She spoke with government officials justifying the imprisonment of activists. And the segment featured harrowing video footage of regime forces shooting unarmed demonstrators, along with the mass arrests of peaceful protesters. In sum, the early 2011 CNN segment on Bahrain presented one of the starkest reports to date of the brutal repression embraced by the US-backed regime.
Despite these accolades, and despite the dangers their own journalists and their sources endured to produce it, CNN International (CNNi) never broadcast the documentary. Even in the face of numerous inquiries and complaints from their own employees inside CNN, it continued to refuse to broadcast the program or even provide any explanation for the decision. To date, this documentary has never aired on CNNi.
Having just returned from Bahrain, Lyon says she “saw first-hand that these regime claims were lies, and I couldn’t believe CNN was making me put what I knew to be government lies into my reporting.” Here is a segment of the Bahrain report that Amber Lyon and her team put together. CNNi refused to allow it to air because the Bahrain Government had paid them not to show it.
Here is a segment of the Bahrain report that Amber Lyon and her team put together. CNNi refused to allow it to air because the Bahrain Government had paid them not to show it.
When Amber Lyon recognized the extent of the reasoning, she challenged CNN. CNN told her to be quiet, and began to view her as a risk. She knew, and found out, too much.
Amber is now trying to tell the story, the real story, of what is going on behind the closed doors of US Media entities. Amber has created her own website, and additionally as noted in the Guardian Article she is trying to share the truth of the deceptions.
What Amber Lyon describes is exactly the reason why CNN never aired the Nick Robertson interview with Muhammed Al Zawahiri in Egypt.