gags

Mar 232017
 
Joke Of The Day: Three Astronauts Once upon a time NASA decided to send three astronauts to space for 2 years.

NASA allowed each of them to take 200 pounds of baggage each.

The first astronaut decided to take along his wife, the second decided to take along books to learn how to speak German, while the third astronaut decided to take along cigarettes.

Two years later, when the space shuttle landed, there was a big crowd waiting to welcome them home.

First came the first astronaut and his wife and each of them had a baby in their arms.

Next, out came the second astronaut speaking fluent German.

They both gave their speeches and got a rousing applause.

Suddenly out came the third astronaut with a cigarette in his mouth.

He walked up to the podium and snarled to the crowd and asked, ‘Has anyone got a friggin’ match?’

 

 

 

Mar 222017
 
Dozens of House Democrats have collectively paid $4 million since 2009 to Pakistani IT professionals now under criminal investigation who had access to House members’ email and computer files.

Five Pakistani Congressional Staffers In Criminal Probe

Five people employed by members of the House of Representatives remain under criminal investigation for unauthorized access to Congressional computers. Former DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz employed at least one of those under investigation.

The criminal investigation into the five, which includes three brothers and a wife of one of the men, started late last year, as reported by Politico in February. The group is being investigated by US Capitol Police over allegations that they removed equipment from over 20 members’ offices, as well as having run a procurement scheme to buy equipment and then overcharge the House.

House Speaker Paul Ryan said last week Capitol Police are receiving additional help for the investigation. “I won’t speak to the nature of their investigation, but they’re getting the kind of technical assistance they need to do that, this is under an active criminal investigation, their capabilities are pretty strong but they’re also able to go and get the kind of help they need from other sources,” Ryan said.

The brothers, Abid, Jamal and Imran Awan, worked as shared employees for various members of the House, covering committees relating to intelligence, terrorism and cybersecurity, which included the House Committee on Foreign Affairs, the Committee on Homeland Security and the Subcommittee on Tactical Air and Land Forces of the Armed Services Committee.

Imran’s wife, Hina Alvi, and Rao Abbas, both of whom worked as House IT employees, are also under investigation.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz

The group were banned from accessing the computers as a result of the investigation but, as of earlier this month, Imran Awan remains as an “technology adviser” to former Democratic National Committee chair, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, who was forced to resign in July following revelations that she worked to further Hillary Clinton’s chances of winning the Democratic primary at the expense of Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders.

News of the brothers’ investigation has sparked speculation that it may be tied to the hack of the DNC servers, the contents of which were first released by Guccifer 2.0 and later published on WikiLeaks.

Russian actors have been accused of being behind the hack, which Democrats claim contributed to Clinton’s loss to Donald Trump. There have also been reports that the DNC hack came from an insider.

An email between DNC staffers in April 2016, which was released by WikiLeaks, references a staff member named Imran and how this person has access to the passwords for Wasserman Schultz’s iPad.

Garret Bonosky, deputy director of office of the DNC chair, tells Amy Kroll: “I have to get [this iPad] thing figured out. Need to make sure I have her username and password before I delete and reload the app.”

“I do not have access to her ipad password, but Imran does,” Kroll replies, later writing: “Just spoke to Imran, call me whenever GB and I’ll update you, don’t delete anything yet.”

Another email from the DNC hack, dated December 2016, references Imran once again. Wasserman Schultz’s assistant Rosalyn Kumar tells scheduler Anna Stolitzka: “[Nancy] Pelosi is doing [a] closed door meeting. No staff or anyone allowed. Kaitlyn come to Rayburn room and get her iPad for Imran.”

6-Figure Salaries

The brothers were paid high salaries for their work with various House members, above the median salary for Congressional staffers.

Imran, who started working for Wasserman Schultz in 2005, received $164,600 in 2016, with close to $20,000 of that coming from Wasserman Schultz.

Jamal, who started working as a staffer in 2014, was paid $157,350.12 in 2016.

Abid, who started working in 2005, was paid $160,943 in 2016.

Hina Alvi, who was employed as a staffer from February 2007, was paid 168,300 in 2016.

Rao Abbas was paid $85,049 in 2016.

The Daily Caller reports that Imran received $1.2 million in salary since 2010, while Abid and Alvi received over $1 million each.

House Democrats supporting the employees have suggested that the Pakistani nationality of the suspects may have inspired the investigation.

 
via

Mar 222017
 
Declassified CIA secret weapon of assassination – The Heart Attack Gun

CIA's Heart Attack Gun

A CIA secret weapon used for assassination shoots a small poison dart to cause a heart attack, as explained in Congressional testimony in the short video below. The dart from this secret CIA weapon can penetrate clothing and leave nothing but a tiny red dot on the skin. On penetration of the deadly dart, the individual targeted for assassination may feel as if bitten by a mosquito, or they may not feel anything at all. The poisonous dart completely disintegrates upon entering the target.

The lethal poison then rapidly enters the bloodstream causing a heart attack. Once the damage is done, the poison denatures quickly, so that an autopsy is very unlikely to detect that the heart attack resulted from anything other than natural causes. Sounds like the perfect James Bond weapon, doesn’t it? Yet this is all verifiable in Congressional testimony.

The astonishing information about this secret weapon of the CIA comes from U.S. Senate testimony in 1975 on rogue activities of the CIA. This weapon is only one of many James Bond-like discoveries of the Church Committee hearings, officially known as the United States Senate Select Committee to Study Governmental Operations with Respect to Intelligence Activities.

The suspicious death of Justice Scalia

Could this or a similar secret weapon have been used, for instance, in the probable murder of Justice Scalia? This report from the highly respected Liberal newspaper The Washington Post may confirm that conspiracy theorists are onto something in questioning the suspicious death of Justice Scalia.

Yet as details of his sudden death trickled in Sunday, it appeared that the hours afterward were anything but orderly. The man known for his elegant legal opinions and profound intellect was found dead in his room at a hunting resort by a ranch owner.

It then took hours for authorities in remote West Texas to find a justice of the peace, officials said Sunday. When they did, she pronounced Scalia dead of natural causes without seeing the body and decided not to order an autopsy. A second justice of the peace, who was called but couldn’t get to Scalia’s body in time, said she would have ordered an autopsy.

 

Secrets of the CIA

To watch the revealing 45-minute documentary from which the clip below was taken, click here. In this riveting exposé, five former CIA agents describe how their initial pride and enthusiasm at serving their nation turned to anguish and remorse, as they realized that they were actually subverting democracy and killing innocent civilians all in the name “national security” and promoting foreign policy agendas.

Watch the video below for the description of a former CIA secretary and Congressional testimony on this secret assassination weapon which caused heart attacks.

The testimony in the video is from 1975, well over 40 years ago. With the ensuing leaps in technological capability, just imagine what kinds of secret weapons for assassination have been developed since. There is good evidence that technology has even been developed to cause suicidal feelings in a person.

1975 Church Committee

The above video shows a dramatic interaction between Senator Frank Church and CIA director William Colby.

The goal of the proceeding, per the Senate’s website:

“To educate the public about the misdeeds of national intelligence agencies, the committee held televised hearings in the Senate Caucus Room. After gaveling to order the first hearing, Chairman Church dramatically displayed a CIA poison dart gun to highlight the committee’s discovery that the CIA directly violated a presidential order by maintaining stocks of shellfish toxin sufficient to kill thousands. Critics saw this as evidence that the committee’s work was a vehicle for Senator’s Church presidential ambitions.”

The Senate hearing came after reports from investigative journalist Seymour Hersh on the CIA’s illicit tactics in both destabilizing foreign governments and conducting intelligence operations against American citizens. Though the hearing ended with a committee decision that Congress should keep better tabs on the intelligence community, many questions remain unanswered. Does the CIA still have this heart attack gun? Have they ever used it? And what other James Bond-esque secret weapons have they been hiding from us?

And what about the death of Andrew Breitbart?

On the night of February 29, 2012, Breitbart collapsed suddenly while walking in Brentwood. He was rushed to Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead just after midnight. He was 43 years old. An autopsy by the Los Angeles County Coroner’s Office showed that he had hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, with focal coronary atherosclerosis, and died of heart failure.

Unproven conspiracy theories arose about his death. The toxicology report showed, “No prescription or illicit drugs were detected. The blood alcohol was .04%. No significant trauma was present and foul play was not suspected.

The CIA's Heart Attack Gun - Justice Scalia

Previously:
Wikileaks Exposes The Possible Assassination Of Scalia
Andrew Breitbart Tweet Before His Death Adds Fuel To Podesta D.C. Sex-Trafficking Ring
 

Mar 222017
 

According to Palmistry only 3% of people have an X on both palms.

Its not Palmistry or any superstitious technique originating from India. This is an incredibly ancient method utilized by Egyptians and Greeks to foresay someone’s future.

In truth last acknowledged historic record of this technique is discussed in Great Alexanders period where the royal consultants have actually suggested that the great Alexander will be the best leader in the era due to the reality that he had 2 plainly noticeable letter Xs in both palms.

STI university in Moscow (Russia) revealed their most present term paper on “X palm secret and Spirit Science formula” which studied more than 2 Mn million people throughout the world to understand the link between the letter X and the fate of subjects. They expose on their paper that everybody with letter X on their both palms were the most impressive individuals they found among 2 Mn topics, that included Russian president Vladimir Putin and Abraham Lincoln.

Individuals with letter Xs on both hands are the strongest characters and their destiny is constantly the finest which never ever requires preparation. While some people might prepare for success all the time, people with “double X” palm do not require any method to flourish.

 

Mar 222017
 

Now you don’t have to spend a fortune on expensive appointments at the dental hygienist! Just repeat this simple process twice a week and watch as you get whiter teeth.

The internet is full of life hacks people swear by even though they don’t really understand how the hacks work, and at first glance many of these tricks seem like they won’t work as advertised.

So I was naturally a bit skeptical about a tip involving whitening your teeth by wrapping them in aluminum foil, as anybody who has ever chewed foil would be.

But apparently if you mix some baking soda together with toothpaste, apply the paste to your teeth then wrap your teeth tightly in aluminum foil twice a week the combo will whiten your teeth.

Source…

 

Mar 222017
 
Joke Of The Day: The Hearing Aid Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

To which the gentleman said, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

 

 

 

Mar 212017
 
New York Times front page: “Comey Confirms Inquiry on Russia and Trump Allies” but “Dismisses a Wiretapping Claim”

 
In the world of “Fake News” wording is everything.

NYTimes front page

 

NSA Director Admiral Rogers says there is no intelligence that votes were changed by Russian involvement in the 2016 elections.

 

The Words Of The New York Times Will Come Back To Haunt Them!

New York Times Wire Tapping
Source…