gags

Jun 262017
 
Puns for those with a slightly higher IQ.

Intellectual Puns

A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.

Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating – always use condiments.

Shotgun wedding – A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.

What’s the definition of a will?
(It’s a dead give away.)

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts.
In feudalism your count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.

 

Jun 262017
 
Joke Of The Day: Buying A Car A retired older couple return to a BMW dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful blonde in a mini skirt and halter top.

The old man was visibly upset. He spoke to the salesman sharply. “Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price,” said the older man. “Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there.” “And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model.”

The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water. “Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn’t need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?”, replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man… “There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get him to lower the price… see you later, Dad.”

 

 

 

Jun 252017
 

Recusal because of being close to a witness? Good precedent to follow.

 

Spread this everywhere!

New York Democrat Party Asked Mueller To Recuse Himself In 2006

From the New York Times:

The F.B.I. director will not play a role in the inquiry into Decker College, the Kentucky school once run by William F. Weld, because the director and Mr. Weld, a Republican candidate for governor, are friends and former colleagues, an F.B.I. spokesman said yesterday. The New York Post reported the decision by Robert Mueller, the director, yesterday. The New York Democratic Party had asked that Mr. Mueller recuse himself, according to a party spokesman. Mr. Weld has not been accused of any wrongdoing involving Decker, which declared bankruptcy last fall amid allegations of fraud.
PATRICK D. HEALY (NYT)

 
 

Jun 252017
 

A chart that compares dog age to human age.

Relation of dog to human years

Dog Human
  6 months
  8 months
10 months
12 months
18 months
  2 years
  4 years
  6 years
  8 years
10 years
11 years
12 years
13 years
14 years
15 years
16 years
18 years
20 years
21 years
  10 years
  13 years
  14 years
  15 years
  20 years
  24 years
  32 years
  40 years
  48 years
  56 years
  60 years
  64 years
  68 years
  72 years
  76 years
  80 years
  88 years
  96 years
100 years