Jun 302017
 
What Women Want

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur’s youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question?… What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur’s question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered… is to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beau replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day… or night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT… make YOUR choice before you scroll down. OKAY?

Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now… what is the moral to this story?

The moral is…..
If you don’t let a woman have her own way… Things are going to get ugly.

 
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Jun 302017
 
Joke Of The Day: Bad Diets A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami, Florida.

“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have, or will, eat it. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old man in the front row, raised his hand and said, “Wedding Cake?”

 

 

 

Jun 292017
 
Joke Of The Day: Heaven Or Hell A spiritualist who’d recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she’d just received a message from her dead husband – asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes.

“The only thing is,” she mused, “that I don’t know where to send them.”

“Why not?” asked her friend.

“Well, he didn’t actually say that he was in Heaven – but I can’t imagine he’d be in Hell.”

“Hm,” responded the friend. “Well, maybe I shouldn’t bring this up, but. . . he didn’t mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?”

 

 

 

Jun 282017
 

Finally! Now you can stop wondering. Here is the answer.

A Definitive List of What Those F1 – F12 Keys Do

Haven’t you always wondered what those little keys at the top of your keyboard do? You’ve probably only used them to adjust your volume or screen brightness, but they actually do a lot more. Keep in mind that some of these keyboard shortcuts are different depending on the type of computer you have. You are also able to change these features, and some computers come with pre-set functions for these keys that you have to change manually. So before slamming the keyboard in frustration trying to get them to work, go into your settings and see how your computer has been set up. Pressing the fn button with the F keys will typically enable them to work.

Here’s the answer to the mystery of those F keys. You’ll be surprised by how much they can do.

F1

  • Opens help menu when pressed with Windows button
  • Hides/displays ribbon menu in Excel and Word when hit with Control button

F2

  • Alt + Ctrl + F2 opens Document Library in Microsoft Office
  • Allows you to edit the selected folder or file name in Windows Explorer

F3

  • Opens search feature in Windows Explorer
  • Shift + F3 lets you change from lowercase to uppercase to all caps in Word
  • Opens find feature in Firefox and Chrome

F4

  • Alt + F4 closes window
  • Places the cursor in the address bar in Explorer

F5

  • Starts slideshow in PowerPoint
  • Refreshes Internet browser pages
  • Opens Find and Replace in Microsoft Office

F6

  • Goes to the next page in a split screen in Microsoft Word
  • Ctrl + F6 lets you easily switch between Word documents

F7

  • Alt + F7 does a spelling and grammar check in Microsoft Word
  • Shift + F7 open Thesaurus in Microsoft Word

F8

  • In Excel, enables extend mode for arrow keys
  • Enables safe mode in Windows

F9

  • Ctrl + F9 inserts empty fields into Word
  • Updates fields in Word

F10

  • Opens menu bar
  • Ctrl + F10 maximizes window in Word
  • Shift + F10 does the same thing as a right click

F11

  • Exits and enter full screen mode in browsers
  • Shift + F11 adds a new spreadsheet in Excel

F12

  • Opens Save As in Word
  • Shift + F12 saves Word document
  • Ctrl + F12 opens Word document

 
 
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