Why Rednecks Make Good Marines

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May 312015
 

Dear Ma & Pa,

Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt & brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt & Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, they git warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings.

Like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc…, but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food. But tell Walt & Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee.

Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It’s no wonder these city boys can’t walk much. We go on “route” marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A “route march” is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board.

Majors & Colonels just ride around & frown. They don’t bother you none. This next will kill Walt & Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don’t know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don’t move. And it ain’t shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home.

All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don’t even load your own cartridges.

They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt & Elmer to hurry & join before other fellers get into this setup & come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Gail

 

How To Of The Day: How To Turn Water Into Wine

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May 312015
 

How to turn a glass of water into wine using a simple science trick.

Enjoy!

Turn water into wine! This simple science experiment demonstrates how fluids with different density can switch places. Fun to use as a magic party trick or as a demonstration for a physics experiment. Watch as the water switches place with the wine, because water has a higher density then wine. You could try using a playing card instead of the thin plastic spacer.

How to Turn Water into Wine
 

Confucius Say: Light And Sound

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May 312015
 
Confucius Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Wartime Injuries

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May 312015
 
Rubber Chicken A general is visiting troops in the hospital during wartime. He walks up to the first bed and asks the soldier what he is in for. The soldier replies, “Chronic gonorrhea, sir.” The general asks how he is treating it. The soldier replies, “15 minutes a day with a wire brush, sir.” The general asks what his goal is. The soldier says, “To get back on the front line, sir.”

The general moves on to the next soldier and asks him what he is in for. The soldier says, “Severe anal polyps, sir.” The general asks how he is treating it. The soldier says, “15 minutes a day with the wire brush, sir.” The general then asks what his goal is. The soldier replies, “To get back to the front line, sir.”

The general moves on to the third soldier and asks him what he’s in for. The soldier says, “Chronic gum disease, sir.” The general asks how they are treating it. The soldier says, “15 minutes a day with the wire brush, sir.” The general asks what his goal is. The soldier sighs and says, “To get that wire brush before those first two guys, sir.”

 

 

Basic Rules For Dogs

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May 302015
 

Basic Rules For DogsNEWSPAPERS: If you have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the newspaper that’s placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.

VISITORS: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.

BARKING: Because you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark — a lot. Your owners will be very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your protective bark, bark, bark…

LICKING: Always take a BIG drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human. Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.

HOLES: Rather than digging a BIG hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won’t notice. If you arrange a little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they’ll think it’s gophers. There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to help correct this problem.

DOORS: The area directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.

THE ART OF SNIFFING: Humans like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to accommodate them.

DINING ETIQUETTE: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It’s also a good time to practice your sniffing.

HOUSEBREAKING: Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as possible.

GOING FOR WALKS: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.

COUCHES: It is perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone to bed.

PLAYING: If you lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb your fall so you don’t injure yourself.

CHASING CATS: When chasing cats, make sure you never — quite — catch them. It spoils all the fun.

CHEWING: Make a contribution to the fashion industry. Eat a shoe.

 

Confucius Say: Plagiarism

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May 302015
 
Confucius To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Responding To Domestic Disturbance

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May 302015
 
Rubber Chicken Two policemen call the station on the radio.

“Hello. Is that you Sarge?”

“Yes?”

“We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just scrubbed and mopped clean.”

“Have you arrested the woman?”

“No sir. The floor is still wet.”

 

 

Wallpaper Of The Day: Danger Zone

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May 292015
 
Danger Zone

U.S. Marine Corps photo by Cpl. Unique Roberts/Released

Danger Zone – A naval aviator with Marine Fighter Attack Training Squadron 501 flies above North Carolina during aerial refueling training with Marine Aerial Refueler Transport Squadron 252, April 14, 2015. The nearly 33,000 pound aircraft is capable of short takeoff/vertical landing, enabling the Marine Corps to expand its expeditionary force projection capabilities.

 
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