The Bear Whisperer

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Jun 272013
 

Either this guy is the Bear Whisperer or that is the best brown bear costume ever made.

Enjoy!

This talented Russian brown bear can play the trumpet, sit in a chair, twist hula-hoop, he knows of about 200 commands. His name is Tima. My name is Pavel and this is my bear.

 

Random Riddle: 6-27-2013

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Jun 272013
 

I am a Skull

Hold your mouse over for the answer.

I don’t have eyes, But once I did see.
Once I had thoughts, But now I’m white and empty.

What am I?

 

 

Joke Of The Day: Drunks

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Jun 272013
 

Rubber ChickenTwo drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer. All of a sudden the driver notices lights flashing in his mirror; the cops are on his tail.

His buddy says, “What are we going to do?”

The driver says, “Don’t worry. Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, peel the labels off our beer bottles and we’ll each stick one on our forehead. Then shove the bottles underneath the seat, and let me do the talking.”

They pull over and the cop walks up to the car. He looks at them kind of funny, but asks to see the guy’s driver’s license. And he asks him, “Have you been drinking?”

“Oh, no, sir,” the driver replies.

“I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you *sure* you haven’t been drinking?” the cop asks.

“Oh, no, sir,” the drunk answers. “We haven’t had a thing to drink tonight.”

“Well, I’ve got to ask you,” says the cop, “What on earth are those things on your forehead?”

“That’s easy, Officer,” says the drunk. “You see, we’re both alcoholics, and we’re on the patch.”

 

 

John Kerry And The Taliban: The Secret Emails Revealed

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Jun 262013
 

John Kerry And The Taliban: The Secret Emails Revealed. This is satire but it does sound like something Lurch would do.

kerry-nasa

On June 3, 2013, Secretary of State John Kerry initiated an email exchange with the Taliban in order to lay the groundwork for peace talks that would help enable the United States to leave Afghanistan after over a decade of war.

The exchange is reprinted here for the first time, in its entirety, and without comment.

From: John Kerry

To: The Taliban

Date: June 3, 2013

Dear Mullah Omar,

As my generation is fond of saying, “what a long, strange trip it’s been.” But, as you know, we’re hoping to get out of that country of yours, and would really appreciate some cooperation in that effort. I’m confident America and the Taliban want the same thing — a peaceful, free Afghanistan that’s friendly to women’s rights, religious minorities and international business — and I think the only question now is how we best bring that about.

So how about this: you sever your ties with the bad guys once and for all, and we park our robot planes back in Utah. Deal?

Sincerely,

John Kerry

From: The Taliban

To: John Kerry

Date: June 10, 2013

Dear Infidel Jew John Kerry,

I can report that Mullah Mohammad Omar, Commander of the Faithful of the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan and leader of the Muslim Ummah, has received the letter you wrote. He has authorized that I respond as follows:

As surely as the world is flat, you and your infidel brethren will burn in a fiery inferno of hellish fire. We will never accept infidel domination of our lands, not of al-Andalus (Spain) or Palestine, and not lands that should and will one day be ours, which include all lands where beats of the earth roam and all seas where fish proliferate.

My followers and I would rather bathe in pigs blood or spin a dreidel than meet for tea with an infidel member of the Zionist-Crusader alliance to negotiate anything. But in a spirit of mercy, I am prepared to make a generous offer. These are our demands:

1.) You and your entire government must convert to Islam and beg for mercy from your past sins.
2.) You must turn your military equipment over to the Mujahideen before dissolving the Infidel States of America.
3.) Tom Friedman must be fired from the New York Times.

If these demands are met, there is a chance the hellfire you burn in won’t be quite as hot as it normally is.

In peace,
Mullah Omar (via Timmy al-Amriki, American spokesman for the Taliban)

Source…

 

 Posted by at 4:50 am

Which Came First, The Chicken or the Egg?

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Jun 262013
 

If you believe in God, this age-old question really has a simple answer. According to the Creator of chickens, and the author of the Record of their origins, chickens came first. It was on the Fifth Day of Creation:

“And God created great whales and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind; and God saw that it was good.”.

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It has perplexed humanity from as early as the Ancient Greeks. So which came first, the chicken or the egg? We take a crack at this curious conundrum.

 

Random Riddle: 6-26-2013

 Riddles  Comments Off on Random Riddle: 6-26-2013
Jun 262013
 

He is playing monopoly.

Hold your mouse over for the answer.

A man pushes his car up to a hotel, when he gets there he notices he’s bankrupt.

How does he know?