I should start charging 25 cents.
Video submitted by Don Brookins that won third prize in AEI’s 2012 video contest “Make the Moral Case for Free Enterprise.”
How to disarm someone holding a pistol to your face with a single handed grip.
Please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union. (Reference the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.)
We Texans love y’all, but we’ll probably have to take action now that Barack Obama has won re-election. We’ll miss you too.
Here is what can happen:
1: Barack Hussein Obama is President of the United States, and Texas secedes from the Union in summer of 2013.
2: George W. Bush will become the President of the Republic of Texas . You might not think that he talks too pretty, but we haven’t had another terrorist attack, and the economy was fine until the effects of the Democrats lowering the qualifications for home loans came to roost.
So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?
1. NASA is just south of Houston , Texas . We will control the space industry.
2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States .
3. Defense Industry – we have over 65% of it. The term “Don’t mess with Texas,” will take on a whole new meaning.
4. Oil – we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. What will the other states do? Gee, we don’t know. Why not ask Obama?
5. Natural Gas – again we have all we need, and it’s too bad about those Northern States. John Kerry and Al Gore will have to figure out a way to keep them warm….
6. Computer Industry – we lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications equipment -small companies like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Microconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Nortel, Alcatel, etc, etc. The list goes on and on.
7. Medical Care – We have the research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world, as well as other large health centers. The Houston Medical Center alone employees over 65,000 people.
8. We have enough colleges to keep us getting smarter: University of Texas , Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Texas Christian, Rice, SMU, University of Dallas , University of Houston , Baylor, UNT ( University of North Texas ), Texas Women’s University, etc. Ivy grows better in the South anyway.
9. We have an intelligent and energetic work force, and it isn’t restricted by a bunch of unions. Here in Texas , it’s a Right to Work State and, therefore, it’s every man and woman for themselves. We just go out and get the job done. And if we don’t like the way one company operates, we get a job somewhere else.
10. We have essential control of the paper, plastics, and insurance industries, etc.
11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard, the Texas Air National Guard, and several military bases. We don’t have an Army, but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an Army in 24 hours if we need one. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call the Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over the Texas Rangers.
12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables, and let’s not forget seafood from the Gulf. Also, everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don’t need any food.
13. Three of the ten largest cities in the United States , and twenty- three of the 100 largest cities in the United States , are located in Texas. And Texas also has more land than California , New York , New Jersey , Connecticut , Delaware , Hawaii , Massachusetts , Maryland , Rhode Island and Vermont combined.
14. Trade – Three of the ten largest ports in the United States are located in Texas .
15. We also manufacture cars down here, but we don’t need to. You see, nothing rusts in
Texas, so our vehicles stay beautiful and run well for decades. This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn’t a thing out there that we need and don’t have.
Now to the rest of the United States under President Obama: Since you won’t have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Obama will be able to drive around in his big 5 mpg SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.
You won’t have any TV as the Space Center in Houston will cut off satellite communications. You won’t have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Obama has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas as long as you survive the 2000 years it will take to get enough heat from Global Warming.
The People of Texas
He brings out an antelope skin and asks the first one to lie down on it.
Then he brings out a buffalo hide and asks the second one to lie on it.
The third one is the chief’s wife, so he brings out an expensive imported hippopotamus skin and has her lie down on it.
The first one has a beautiful baby boy.
The second also has a beautiful baby boy.
The chief’s wife has twin baby boys.
Which goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus equals the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
Hay where you going?
Dominic from So You Think You Can Dance stars in this video. As far as the best joke ever goes… you be the judge.
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Two unfunny people figure out the best joke ever!