New Scientific Theories

Here are the winning entries from a recent contest for “new scientific theories.”

THE RUNNERS-UP:

4th Runner-Up– The earth may spin faster on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater’s rate of spin increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

3rd Runner-Up– Communist China is technologically underdeveloped because they have no alphabet. The lack of an alphabet means the Chinese cannot use “acronyms”; thus, they cannot communicate their ideas at a faster rate.

2nd Runner-Up- The ‘Why Yawning Is Contagious’ Theory: You yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums. This pressure change outside your eardrums unbalances other people’s ear pressures, so they must yawn to even it all out.

1st Runner-Up- If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world’s great literary works in Braille.

HONOURABLE MENTION: The quantity of consonants in the English language is absolutely constant. If consonants are omitted in one geographic area, they turn up in another. When a Bostonian “pahks” his “cah”, the lost r’s migrate southwest, causing a Texan to “warsh” his car and invest in”erl wells.”

GRAND PRIZE WINNER: When a cat is dropped, it ALWAYS lands on its feet; and when toast is dropped, it ALWAYS lands with the buttered side facing down. Therefore, I propose to strap buttered toast to the back of a cat. When dropped, the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground, probably into eternity. A “buttered-cat array” could replace pneumatic tires on cars and trucks, and “giant buttered-cat arrays” could easily allow a high-speed monorail linking New York with Chicago.

Haynes Millennium Falcon Owner’s Workshop Manual

A few years ago Haynes, a once respected creator of detailed technical handbooks for cars and other vehicles, published an owner’s workshop manual for Apollo 11 and other 1969-era Apollo mission spacecraft. It made for a humorous gift for spacecraft enthusiasts, but also provided a unique glimpse into the technical aspects of the vehicles, for those who were engineering inclined.

However, they’re now releasing a manual for modified YT-1300 Corellian Freighters, the most famous of which being the Millennium Falcon from the Star Wars films. Now I know it’s not the first fictional vehicle they’ve created a manual for. That would probably be the USS Enterprise from that other ‘Star’ franchise. But I just hope they don’t get too carried away with this trend, and sully their well respected name. This particular workshop manual was written by Ryder Windham who already has some 50 Star Wars books under his belt, so I guess if anyone knows what they’re talking when it comes to fictional engineering, it’s him. And while it’s not available for sale just yet, Amazon Canada does have it listed for a little over $23.

Source…

Order yours today.

Random Riddle

Sally can fill the sink and watch it drain. When the water reverses direction when going down the drain, she will know they have crossed the equator.
Hold your mouse over for the answer.
Sally is traveling by ship from south of the equator to the north.
She has a nice little cabin with a bathroom, but no window.
Sally has no compass nor other instruments. Just the
general luggage one brings on board a long cruise. Yet, without
leaving her room or talking with anyone, Sally will be able to
tell when the ship has crossed the equator.

How?

Joke Of The Day

“Marine biology researchers have developed a new method to fend off shark attacks. If you are diving and are approached by a shark they recommend that you swim towards it aggressively and punch it in the nose as hard as possible.”

“If this doesn’t work, beat the shark with your stump.”

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