Month: February 2011

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so he called an artist.

Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said. ” I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer’s mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for the week, and when I return, I expect it to be finished.”

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to see the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions.

Furious, he called the artist in. “What the hell is this?” Screamed the billionaire.

“Why, that’s exactly what you asked for.” Said the artist smugly.

“No I didn’t ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer’s last thoughts.”

“And there you have it” Said the artist. “I call it holy cow, look at all those f***ing Indians.”

Amusing

The New 2011 – 2012 Tax Code

The only thing that the Government has not taxed yet is the male penis. This is due to the fact that 69% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 10% of the time it is hard up, 20% of the time it is pissed off and 1% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has two dependents and they are both nuts!

HOWEVER, effective January 1st, 2011, the penis will now be taxed according to size.

The brackets are as follows:

10 – 12″ Luxury Tax $300.00
8 – 10″ Pole Tax $250.00
5 – 8″ Privilege Tax $150.00
3 – 5″ Nuisance Tax $30.00

Males exceeding 12″ must file capital gains.

Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a tax refund.

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION

Other

200 Giant Spiders, Termites, Snakes and a Gecko Feast on Man

I’m gonna have nightmares after reading the article. Well I didn’t plan on sleeping tonight anyway!

A MAN was found dead in his apartment draped in spider webs and more than 200 spiders, several snakes, thousands of termites, and a gecko were feasting on his corpse.

Mark Voegel, 30, was found dead in Dortmund, Germany.

Authorities were alerted when concerned neighbours noticed a horrendous stench emanating from the apartment.
His black widow, Bettina, is believed to have administered the deadly bite.

Voeger’s apartment has been described as both a “zoo” and a “jungle” by authorities. He never let people visit.

A police spokesman said, according to the Sun: “It was like a horror movie. His corpse was over the sofa. Giant webs draped him, spiders were all over him.

They were coming out of his nose and his mouth. There was everything there one could imagine in the world of reptiles. Larger pieces of flesh torn off by the lizards were scooped up and taken back to the webs of tarantulas and other bird-eating spiders.”

The spiders and termites managed to escape when the heating elements exploded and opened the lids to their tanks.
The lizards were allowed to roam.

Voegel also kept a pet boa constricter and several poisonous frogs.

He was dead for somewhere between seven and fourteen days when his corpse was found, enough time for the creepy-crawlies to make a new home out of his apartment.

Source…

Reminds me of this:

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