Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Jul 312010
 

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

“First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector”, says the Coroner.

“Second body: “Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery,
spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.”

The Inspector asked, “What of the third body?”

“Ah,” says the coroner, “this is the most unusual one.
Sue-Ellen, a blond from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning.”

“Why is she smiling then?” inquires the Inspector.

“Thought she was having her picture taken.”

When God is Busy

 Amusing  Comments Off on When God is Busy
Jul 302010
 

If you don’t know GOD, don’t make stupid remarks!

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly
15 min.’ The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, ‘Here I am GOD, I’m still waiting.’

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence.. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, ‘What
in the world is the matter with you? ‘Why did you do that?’

The Marine calmly replied, ‘GOD was too busy today protecting America ‘s soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.’

The classroom erupted in cheers!

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Jul 302010
 

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying, “I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man – you do God’s work.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, “I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man – you protect the public.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.

A Politician came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment saying, “I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man – you serve the people.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen more Politicians waiting for a haircut.

Palestinian Corruption and Humanitarian Aid

 Amusing  Comments Off on Palestinian Corruption and Humanitarian Aid
Jul 292010
 

The Palestinian Authority is accused of corruption by many but receives more humanitarian aid per capita from the international community than any other country in the world. The billions of dollars that are meant for schools, hospitals and infrastructure have been spent on luxury villas, casinos and payments to terrorists.

The Top 10 Reasons Men Prefer Rifles Over Women

 Amusing  Comments Off on The Top 10 Reasons Men Prefer Rifles Over Women
Jul 292010
 

10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

9. You can keep one Rifle at home and have another for when you’re on the road.

8. If you admire a friend’s Rifle and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times..

7. Your primary Rifle doesn’t mind if you keep another Rifle for a backup.

6. Your Rifle will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

5. A Rifle doesn’t take up a lot of closet space.

4. Rifles function normally every day of the month.

3. A Rifle doesn’t ask, “Do these new grips make me look fat?”

2. A Rifle doesn’t mind if you go to sleep after you use it

And the number one reason a Rifle is favored over a woman:

1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A RIFLE

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Jul 292010
 

A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” She yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A,b, c, d, e, f, g!”

“Very good,” said her mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”

“Yes, Honey, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home FROM school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

“Very good,” said her embarrassed mother.

“Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?”

“No, Honey, it’s because you’re 25.”