Feb 152010

A teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

‘”Al-Gebra is a problem for us,” the Attorney General said. “They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.” They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as “unknowns”, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.” White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that the Nobel Prize for Physics will follow.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

  • D S

    What a classic commentary. Thanks.

  • cajetan chimento

    I Believe the government has risen to a new math high and the president needs to receive an award in high math achievements.

    • olduglycarl

      I hope that was a joke or perhaps, at least sarcasim. I see no evidence that obama is smart. Clever like a fox perhaps, but that is not a sign of intelegents. He clearly has had a misguided apprenticeship with poor miseducated, misenformed mentors. Perhaps, he is being handled, but in any event, I see no consistant underlying humanity, no conscience, no evidence that he uses his entire mind at the same time like the majority of conscious human beings do naturaly. He is left minded only. That is a key trait of “Those that fell favor to the daughters of men”. These creatures have managed to rule over us but it is WE, that are more powerful. As a comunity in consensus, we can ostracize them from our society.

      • Really


  • Pingback: theCL Report: Common Sense()

  • olduglycarl

    Great spoof? If real, then obama’s comment makes sense, He, not representing Conscious Human Life, would need more fingers and toes to carry out more complex mathamatcs. The typical humanoid reaction to conscious man, is fear. They are a very small minority, yet have managed to rule for at least 8000 years. We can fix that. See; The Fight for Conscious Human Life at bookstore.authorhouse.com. This book is not as clever and entertaining as this article, but it is certianly eye opening.

  • Algebra is an Arab name, They invented zero which aids math considerably I hope this was a spoof. If one reads the Koran in English or has lived in SE Asia, Muslims there are well educated, are peaceful, and don’t evidently believe in Jihad.,

  • tall tom

    LOL. Pretty good spoof. Al Gebra terrorizes many High School and College kids. It keeps them awake; all night long in some cases. To find X and Y become an obsession in some of these poor children’s minds. It takes their Gray Matter and twists it, bends it, distorts it, until it conforms to the rigidity of reasoning and thought. It robs them of fluidity and perhaps stifles flights of fanciful creativity. It is an evil…evil…evil I will tell you.

    People whom are subverted by this turn into geeks and nerds. Just who wants to be a geek or a nerd? Members of the Al Gebra, that is who.

    We need a National War on the Al Gebra. It must be stopped at all costs.