Month: December 2009

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, ‘Your heart would be just below your left breast’.

Later that night Aunt Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Amusing

Nanny of the Year 2009!

In 2009, America’s meddlers worked overtime minding other people’s business.

Nanny of the Month winners have targeted everything from fish pedicures to feeding the homeless. But there can be only one Nanny of the Year.

Who took home top honors as the year’s biggest buttinsky?

Click the video to find out.

Jokes

Joke Of The Day

There was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was ‘Onestone’ he hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, “If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!” The word got around and nobody called him that anymore. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said “Good morning, Onestone.”

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, “Good to see you, Onestone.

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn`t die!

The moral of the story is… you can`t kill two birds with one stone!

Jokes

Blonde Joke Of The Day

Blonde Year in Review

January – Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

February – Couldn’t work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn’t fit into the typewriter.

March – Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said “2-4 years”.

April – Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

May – Couldn’t make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets.

June – Couldn’t learn to water ski because she couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.

August – Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.

September – When asked what the capital of California was: answered “C.”

October – Hates M &M’s because they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.

December – Couldn’t call 911 because there was no “11” on any phone button.

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