Staring at Women’s Breasts Increases Life Expectancy

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Dec 312009
 

Just think… the life expectancy of the average TSA employee is about to go up with the widespread use of full-body imaging.


A rather bizarre study carried out by German researchers suggests that staring at women’s breasts is good for men’s health and increases their life expectancy.

According to Dr. Karen Weatherby, a gerontologist and author of the study, gawking at women’s breasts is a healthy practice, almost at par with an intense exercise regime, that prolongs the lifespan of a man by five years.

She added, “Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female, is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out.”

A five-year research on 500 men
Researchers at three hospitals in Frankfurt, Germany did an in-depth analysis of 200 healthy males over a period of five years. Half the volunteers were instructed to ogle at the breasts of women daily, while the rest were told to refrain from doing so.

At the close of the study, the researchers noted that the men who stared at the breasts of females on a regular basis exhibited lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and lesser episodes of coronary artery disease.

Sexual desire linked to better blood circulation
The researchers declared that sexual desire gives rise to better blood circulation that signifies an overall improved health.

Weatherby explained the concept stating, “Sexual excitement gets the heart pumping and improves blood circulation. There’s no question: Gazing at breasts makes men healthy.

“Our study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke and heart attack in half. We believe that by doing so consistently, the average man can extend his life four to five years.”

In addition, she also recommended that men over 40 should gaze at larger breasts daily for 10 minutes.

The German research is believed to be published in the New England Journal of Medicine.

Source…


Too bad but according to Snopes, this is false.


 
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A Recnet Stduy at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy

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Dec 312009
 

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Joke Of The Day: Wal-Mart Greeter

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Dec 312009
 

So after landing my new job as a Wal-Mart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day…

About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

I said pleasantly, ‘Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?’

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, ‘Hell no, they ain’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or stupid?’

So I replied, ‘I’m neither blind nor stupid, Ma’am, I just couldn’t believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart..’

My supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

Joke Of The Day

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Dec 302009
 

Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.

Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place.

Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable and a burden to someone, she called her doctor’s office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be on a woman. The doctor said, ‘Your heart would be just below your left breast’.

Later that night Aunt Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

Nanny of the Year 2009!

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Dec 292009
 

In 2009, America’s meddlers worked overtime minding other people’s business.

Nanny of the Month winners have targeted everything from fish pedicures to feeding the homeless. But there can be only one Nanny of the Year.

Who took home top honors as the year’s biggest buttinsky?

Click the video to find out.

Joke Of The Day

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Dec 292009
 

There was an Indian who had only one testicle, and whose given name was ‘Onestone’ he hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, “If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!” The word got around and nobody called him that anymore. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said “Good morning, Onestone.”

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird’s cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, “Good to see you, Onestone.

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn`t die!

The moral of the story is… you can`t kill two birds with one stone!

Blonde Joke Of The Day

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Dec 292009
 

Blonde Year in Review

January – Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.

February – Couldn’t work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn’t fit into the typewriter.

March – Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said “2-4 years”.

April – Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

May – Couldn’t make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won’t fit into those little packets.

June – Couldn’t learn to water ski because she couldn’t find a lake with a slope.

July – After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.

August – Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.

September – When asked what the capital of California was: answered “C.”

October – Hates M &M’s because they are so hard to peel.

November – Baked a turkey for 4 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.

December – Couldn’t call 911 because there was no “11” on any phone button.

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)

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Dec 292009
 

Washington, DC – Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans.

The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

‘Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,’ said California Senator Barbara Boxer. ‘We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.’

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement warehouse stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million ‘middle man’ positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, ‘Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?’

‘As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,’ said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan , due to her inability to remember “Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosey.” ‘This new law should be real good for people like me,’ Gertz added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said President Obama: “As the President With No Abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as members of the government to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation.”

Attention: This is a joke, but so close to reality it is scary!

Deadly Conventional Weapon of the Day: The XM-25

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Dec 282009
 

This weapon is so smart it can pick off an enemy no matter where he’s hiding.

God Bless America!


At first glance, the XM-25 looks like something out of a Sci-Fi movie. It features an array of sights, sensors and lasers housed in a Target Acquisition Fire Control unit on top, an oversized magazine behind the trigger mechanism, and a short, ominous barrel wrapped by a recoil dampening sleeve.

Unlike a Hollywood prop, however, this weapon is very real and designed to accurately deliver an explosive round that neutralizes targets at distances of up to 700 meters – well past the range of the rifles and carbines that most Soldiers carry today.

“What makes this weapon system truly revolutionary is the ability to target the enemy, pass on this information to the sensors and microchips of its 25mm HEAB round, and have that round detonate over the target,” explained Maj. Shawn Murray, a Soldier Weapons assistant product manager in PEO Soldier, the organization responsible for developing the XM-25.

Read more…


Iranian Protesters are Dying for Freedom – Where is Barack Hussein Obama?

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Dec 282009
 

The answer… On vacation in Hawaii working on another nitwit plan to win over Ahmadinejad with diplomacy and mutual respect.


I wrote back in June about the shameful silence of the Obama administration during the mass street protests that greeted Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s fraudulent re-election victory as President of Iran. As White House spokesman Robert Gibbs ludicrously put it, the administration was “impressed by the vigorous debate and enthusiasm this election generated.” Or in Vice President Joe Biden’s words on NBC’s Meet the Press, describing Ahmadinejad’s victory – “we’re going to withhold comment… I mean we’re just waiting to see.”

Embarrassingly for Washington, even many European leaders showed more backbone in condemning the Iranian regime’s brutal suppression of protestors, with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton humiliatingly outflanked by her French and German counterparts, who had no qualms about speaking out swiftly and firmly against the election result and the actions of the Iranian government.

In the six months that have followed, Barack Obama’s high-risk engagement strategy has simply encouraged more repression from the Mullahs, as well as ever greater levels of defiance over Iran’s nuclear weapons programme. As Con Coughlin noted in an excellent piece for The Wall Street Journal last month, Obama’s Iran diplomacy isn’t working:

“Iranian human-rights groups say that since the government crackdown began in late June, at least 400 demonstrators have been killed while another 56 are unaccounted, which is several times higher than the official figures. The regime has established a chain of unofficial, makeshift prisons to deal with the protesters, where torture and rape are said to be commonplace. In Tehran alone, 37 young Iranian men and women are reported to have been raped by their captors.

Now once again huge street protests have flared up on the streets of Tehran and a number of other major cities, with several protesters shot dead this weekend by the security forces and Revolutionary Guards, reportedly including the nephew of opposition leader Mir Hossein Mousavi, and dozens seriously injured. And again there is deafening silence from the Commander-in-Chief as well as his Secretary of State. And where is the president? On vacation in Hawaii, no doubt recuperating from his exertions driving forward the monstrous health care reform bill against the overwhelming will of the American public and without a shred of bipartisan support.

This is not however a time for fence-sitting by the leader of the free world. The president should be leading international condemnation of the suppression of pro-democracy protesters, and calling on the Iranian dictatorship to free the thousands of political dissidents held in its torture chambers. Just as Ronald Reagan confronted the evils of Soviet Communism, Barack Obama should support the aspirations of the Iranian people to be free. The United States has a major role to play in inspiring and advancing freedom in Iran, and the president should make it clear that the American people are on the side of those brave Iranians who are laying down their lives for liberty in the face of tyranny.

Source…


Joke Of The Day

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Dec 282009
 

Lost on a rainy night, a nun stumbled across a monastery and requests shelter there.

Fortunately, she’s just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips she had ever tasted.

After dinner, she went into the kitchen to thank the chefs where she was met by two of the Brothers.

The first one says, “Hello, I am Brother Michael, and this is Brother Charles.”

“I’m very pleased to meet you,” replies the nun. “I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I’ve ever had. Out of curiosity,
who cooked what?”

Brother Charles replied, “Well, I’m the fish friar.”

She turned to the other Brother and says “then you must be….?”

…..”Yes, I’m afraid I’m the chip monk.”