Finkelstein and Jesus

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Aug 312008
 

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe. After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for Finkelstein, the Tailor. So, He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit! He asked how much He owed. Finkelstein brushed him off: “No, no,no, for the Son of God ? There’s no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor? Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your nice new robe was made by Finkelstein, the Tailor?

Jesus readily agreed and as promised, and extolled the virtues of his Finkelstein robe whenever He spoke to the masses. A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem, He happened to walk past Finkelstein’s shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Finkelstein’s robes. He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Finkelstein spotted him he said: “Jesus, Jesus, look what you’ve done for my business ! Would you consider a partnership?”

“Certainly,” replied Jesus. “Jesus & Finkelstein it is.” “Oh, no, no,” said Finkelstein. “Finkelstein & Jesus. After all, I am the craftsman.” The two of them debated this for some time. Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise. A few days later, the new sign went up over Finkelstein’s shop. Can you guess what it read?

OH, DON’T WHINE & MOAN! You know you’re going to pass it on.

Joke Of The Day

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Aug 302008
 

A golfer in Ireland hit a bad hook into the woods. Looking for the ball, he discovered a leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head, and the golfer’s ball beside him. Horrifed, the golfer took his water bottle from his belt and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.

“Arrgh! What happened?” the leprechaun says. “Oh, I see. Waal, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes. Whaddya want?”

“Thank God, you’re alright!,” the golfer answers in relief. “I don’t want anything. I’m glad you’re okay, and I apologize. I didn’t mean to hit you.”

And the golfer walks off.

“What a nice guy,” the leprechaun says to himself. “But it was fair and square that he got me, and I have to do something for him. I’ll give him three things I would want — a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.”

A year goes by (as it does in jokes like this) and the golfer is back, hits another bad ball into the woods and finds the leprechaun waiting for him.

“‘Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,” the little guy says. “I wanted to ask ye, how’s yer golf game?”

“That’s the first bad ball I’ve hit in a year! I’m a famous international golfer now,” the golfer answers. “By the way, it’s good to see you’re alright.”

“Oh, I’m fine now, thankee. I did that fer yer golf game. And tell me, how’s yer money?”

“Why, I win fortunes in golf. But if I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills all day long.”

“I did that fer ye. And how’s yer sex life?”

The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, “Errr, alright, I suppose.”

“C’mon, c’mon now. I’m wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a day?”

Blushing even more, the golfer whispers, “Once — sometimes twice a week.”

“What!,” says the leprechaun in shock. “That’s all? Once or twice a week?”

“Well,” says the golfer, “I figure that’s not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.”

There is a New Girl in Town, and it ain’t Hillary

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Aug 302008
 


Sarah Palin is a lifetime member of the NRA and a bitter clinger.

Sarah Palin is an absolutely brilliant choice for Vice President and the pictures above say it all. She has more executive experience than Obama and Biden combined! She has lived outside the beltway all her life! She, not Obama, represents real CHANGE for America.

This pick gives me HOPE for America, not HOPE based on money…but HOPE based on morality, compassion, wisdom and patriotism.

To paraphrase Michelle Obama; “For the first time in years, I am proud to be a Republican.”

Here is the video of McCain’s announcement. Sarah’s attitude and spunk are inspiring. Could she be America’s version of a young Margret Thatcher?

Sen. John McCain announces Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as his Vice Presidential running mate.

O.J.’s Daughter Beats Him to a Pulp

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Aug 292008
 


What’s O.J. Simpson been doing since he was charged with that armed robbery in Vegas? Well the New York Daily News is reporting that his oldest daughter, Arnelle, just beat the crap out of him at his Miami home last Sunday in a fight over his girlfriend, Christie Prody’s behavior.

I can’t wait till O.J. tracks down the culprit who killed his wife so that his life can get back to normal. I just imagine that some morning, while shaving, looking into the mirror, it will just hit him as to who it is that did the killing and this thing can be solved.

O.J. Simpson’s daughter Arnelle in knock-down fight with dad


Cops rushed to the Florida home of O.J. Simpson after his eldest daughter knocked him to the ground in a brawl over his girlfriend Christie Prody, sources said.

“Arnelle had a fight with Christie over Christie’s behavior. That’s what started the whole thing,” a source told the Daily News.

“Christie has some problems with drinking, and Arnelle got mad. O.J. said ‘Don’t talk to her like that,’ and Arnelle pushed him.”

The source said Arnelle, 39, called 911 in a fit of guilt after she toppled the 61-year-old on Sunday, giving him a minor head injury.

The police report does not mention O.J.’s fall, but the National Enquirer, which first reported the row, quoted a source saying O.J. was “cut on the back of his head, blood was coming out the side of his mouth and his lip was cut.”

The Enquirer said Arnelle was furious with O.J. for dishing out money to Prody, 32, while his high school sweetheart – Arnelle’s mom, Marguerite Whitley – has to work at WalMart to make ends meet.

Arnelle also lashed out at OJ for “ditching” Whitley to marry Nicole Brown Simpson, the Enquirer reported. O.J. was acquitted of Nicole’s murder in 1995. Two years later, a civil jury found him “responsible” for the killing.

“It wasn’t a big deal,” the source said of Sunday’s scuffle. “He wasn’t all cut up.”

The police report says the altercation ended when Arnelle agreed to leave O.J.’s house “in order to let things calm down.”


The “Temple of Obama”

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Aug 282008
 


Well we got our first glimpse of the stage where Barack Obama will deliver his acceptance speech at Invesco Field. It looks very similar to a “Greek temple.”

Imagine that…today is the anniversary of Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech, which was given on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. The Lincoln Memorial has Greek columns, so it’s probably meant to connect Obama with King. I think Obama is going to try to milk the Martin Luther King speech at the Lincoln Memorial for all its worth.

My words to Obama: Senator, I served with Martin Luther King: I knew Martin Luther King; Martin Luther King was a friend of mine. Senator, you’re no Martin Luther King.

TEMPLE OF DEM ON MT. O-LYMPUS GOP MOCKS GRAND STAGE FOR BAM AS GREEK HUBRIS


Democrats will kneel before the “Temple of Obama” tonight.

As if a Rocky Mountain coronation were not lofty enough, Barack Obama will aim for Mount Olympus when he accepts his party’s nomination atop an enormous, Greek-columned stage – designed by the same cheesy set team that put together Britney Spears’ last tour.

John McCain’s campaign mocked the massive neoclassical set created for Obama’s speech at 75,000-seat Invesco Field. Some Republicans have dubbed it the “Barackopolis,” while others suggested the delegates should wear togas to fit in among the same Doric columns the ancient Greeks believed would stroke the egos of Zeus and Athena.

“It’s only appropriate that Barack Obama would descend down from the heavens and spend a little time with us mere mortals when accepting the Democratic nomination,” said Republican National Committee spokesman Danny Diaz.

The McCain campaign quickly dispatched a memo calling the stage the “Temple of Obama.”

“We would have expected to read something like this in The Onion. Fortunately for us, it’s true. Unfortunately for Obama, it’s true,” a McCain adviser told The Post.

But the set is designed to evoke the White House and the Lincoln Memorial, not the Acropolis, said staging supervisor Bobby Allen, a Spears set vet.

“We’ve done Britney’s sets and a whole bunch of rock shows, but this was far more elaborate and complicated and we had to do it in far less time,” said Allen, of RDA Entertainment.

“The biggest challenge has been making sure we don’t damage the playing field underneath.”

Asked who is harder to sat isfy – the Democrats or Britney – Allen replied: “I better not answer that.”

The curved, columned backdrop does resemble the portico of the White House, and blue carpeting and podium surrounded by white stars is suggestive of the Oval Office, other crew members said.

Democrats quickly pointed out that George W. Bush accepted the Republican nomination before a similar, though less elaborate, stage in 2004.

Obama chose to accept the nomination at Invesco Field and not at the Pepsi Center, where the rest of the convention is being held, so he can reach out to a larger number of supporters – a move John F. Kennedy employed in 1960.

The late decision to move the speech to the football stadium did not give Allen and the other contractors much time to make the Olympian stage a reality.

“We knew about it for only a few weeks, and had only one week to actually assemble this,” he said.

The structure has an aluminum frame, and the faux-stone walls and columns are made of wood.

Obama has been called “the biggest celebrity in the world” by the McCain campaign. Republicans say that even though Obama will share the stage with Stevie Wonder, the candidate is proving their point.

Asked about McCain’s criticism of the Democratic convention stage, Obama adviser David Axelrod jabbed at McCain for “shooting barbs about the opulence of our convention from the mountaintop in Sedona.”

Democratic delegates defended the grandiosity as fitting with the monumental importance of this election.

“If you ask me, it kind of looks like the columns in the White House,” Ohio delegate Eileen Krupinski said.

Kathy Knight, a North Carolina delegate, said the Republicans will say anything to bring Obama down.

“All they can reach for is what’s negative,” she said. “That’s just tacky.”

Regardless of questions about the temple, people are still clamoring to get inside.

Despite Democratic efforts to stop rampant ticket-scalping for Obama’s big speech tonight, craigslist.com has been filled with ads offering the impossible-to-get seats for as much as $1,000.

Standing on this temple podium, Obama will recall Rev. Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech while mourning the victims of Hurricane Katrina when he accepts his party’s nomination tonight – fusing two events central to the African-American experience into his call for national unity and change.

“He’s going to lay out the case for change. He’s going to set the stakes for this election – the risks of continuing down the road we’re on,” said Axelrod, previewing the speech.

Although Obama was still working on his speech yesterday, he will continue to try to paint McCain as someone who “doesn’t get” the struggles of ordinary Americans.

Obama has been refining his text for weeks, working with a team of aides and speechwriters to polish a speech he drafted on his own. For guidance, he has reviewed three speeches of interest: Bill Clinton in 1992, John Kennedy in 1960, and Ronald Reagan in 1980. Obama, who arrived in Denver yesterday, was sharpening his attacks on McCain at a riverside park in Billings, Mont., in preparation for his address.

“Do we have a president who gets that veterans are struggling every day, or do we have somebody who doesn’t get it?” he asked.

“Who wants to give more tax cuts to big corporations including ExxonMobil – $300 billion worth – while we get 100 million people without any tax relief whatsoever?” he continued.

“I am going to fight as hard as I can over the next 70 days to make clear to the American people that they deserve a president and a White House that’s fighting for them. It’s not fighting for the special interests . . . It’s fighting for you,” he said.

On energy, Obama said McCain was “asleep at the switch” – a dig that hinted at his advanced age.


Jimmy Carter Calls Barack Obama “This Black Boy”

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Aug 272008
 

Jimmy Carter, a.k.a. “The Worst President in American History” and “Embracer of Blood Thirsty Dictators” referred to Barack Obama as “this black boy” during PBS’ coverage of the Democratic National Convention on Monday, and no one seemed to notice.

Of course there is nothing wrong with what Carter said. This is just a sign of the times we live in where the words used by one group of people are OK, but when used by another group of people are deemed racist.

We all know the uproar it would cause across the nation if the same statement had been made by President Bush or John McCain or for that matter any Republican.

Former President Jimmy Carter referred to Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama as “this black boy” when discussing Obama’s political career.

Pelosi Asks Protesters “Can we drill your brains?”

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Aug 272008
 

Nancy “Nine Percent” Pelosi insulted protesters shouting “drill here, drill now” at a press event by asking them “Can we drill your brains?”

Over 70% of Americans want to drill now coupled with other energy policies and she still refuses to pay attention. How disrespectful and disconnected Pelosi is. All Americans should want us to be energy independent. To be at the mercy of hostel people for our energy is insane.

Pelosi’s “Let them eat cake” attitude is showing more and more everyday. Its time to send Pelosi and her corrupt cohorts packing! Enough is enough!

Pelosi to protesters: “Can we drill your brains?”


House Democratic leaders and protesters waving McCain signs had a war of words Tuesday at a press event outside an old train station. The demonstrators interrupted House Speaker Nancy Pelosi with chants of “Drill here! Drill now!”

Pelosi paused and asked the group, “Right here?”

Seeming to enjoy the back and forth, she followed with another question: “Can we drill your brains?”

She went on to refer to the protesters, who continued to chant sporadically, as “handmaidens of Big Oil.” Arguing that increased offshore drilling would reduce gas prices by only a couple of pennies a decade from now, she referred to the demonstrators as the “2-cents-in-10-years-crowd.”

Majority Leader Steny H. Hoyer swiped at the demonstrators, too, saying that “sophomoric chanting” won’t solve the energy crisis and that “all thinking Americans know” — stressing the word “thinking” and looking at the crowd — that America doesn’t have a quarter of the word’s fossil fuels yet uses a quarter of the world’s energy.


Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s news conference at the Democratic National Convention gets overwhelmed by pro-drilling Americans. Then she hops in an SUV after bragging about taking public transportation to the event.

Joke Of The Day

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Aug 262008
 

A Somalian arrives in Minneapolis as a new immigrant to the United States .

He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, “Thank you Mr. American for letting me in this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and free education!”

The passerby says, “You are mistaken, I am Mexican.” The man goes on and encounters another passerby. “Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America !”

The person says, “I not American, I Vietnamese.”

The new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says, “Thank you for the wonderful America!”

That person puts up his hand and says, “I am from Middle East , I am not American!”

He finally sees a nice lady and asks, “Are you an American?”

She says, “No, I am from Africa !” Puzzled, he asks her, “Where are all the Americans?”

The African lady checks her watch and says….”Probably at work

Joke Of The Day

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Aug 252008
 

The Presidential election was too close to call. Neither the Republican candidate nor the Democratic candidate had enough votes to win. There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the sportsmanlike way to settle things. The candidate that caught the most fish at the end of the week would win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the winner. After much of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest take place on a remote frozen lake in northern Minnesota. There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this isolated lake and return at 5 P.M. with their catch for counting and verification by a team of neutral parties.

At the end of the first day, John McCain returned to the starting line and he had ten fish. Soon, Obama returned and had no fish. Well, everyone assumed he was just having another ‘bad hair’ day or something and hopefully, he would catch up the next day.

At the end of the 2nd day John McCain came in with 20 fish and Obama came in again with none.

That evening, Harry Reid got together secretly with Obama and said, “Obama, I think John McCain is a low-life, cheatin’ son-of-a-gun. I want you to go out tomorrow and don’t even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see just how he is cheating.”

The next night (after John McCain returns with 50 fish), Harry said to Obama, “Well, tell me, how is John McCain cheating?”

Obama replied, “Harry, you’re not going to believe this, but he’s cutting holes in the ice”.

Democrats Pushing for Four Day Work Week for Federal Employees

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Aug 252008
 

Can you guess the reason? How about high gas prices?

Nancy “Nine Percent” Pelosi shuts down Congress and skips town without passing an energy bill. Now the Democrats are pushing for a four day work week for gas relief for themselves and federal employees, even though they refuse to do anything to provide relief for ordinary Americans. Amazing!

Hoyer Advocates for a Four-Day Work Week


House Majority Leader Steny H. Hoyer (D-Md.) is pushing a work week of four, 10-hour days for federal employees.

In a letter, released this week, to the Office of Personnel Management, he asked the agency to “undertake comprehensive analysis of the transitioning to a 4-day work week for all possible federal employees and inform me by August 31, of any additional actions Congress would need to take to implement such a policy by the end of fiscal year 2008.”

Hoyer acknowledged that federal agencies and departments “already have discretion to implement alternative work schedules.”

That discretion is underlined by an OPM document, “Negotiating Flexible and Compressed Work Schedules,” which says a 1982 law “authorizes a versatile and innovative work scheduling program for use in the Federal Government.”

The document says “many management officials are finding that the use of flexible and compressed work schedules can help resolve a number of personnel problems.” Those problems include employees with dependent-care responsibilities.

The high cost of fuel makes the four-day week all the more important, Hoyer’s letter said. “In these times of high gasoline prices, I believe the federal government should do all it can to ensure that federal agencies and departments are appropriately reducing gasoline consumption. This goal can be accomplished with the adoption of personnel policies to limit unnecessary commuting.”