Not So Dirty Joke Of The Day: 7-31-2008

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what’s your problem?’

Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd
grade too!’

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he
would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: ‘What is 3 x 3?’

Harry: ‘9.’

Principal: ‘What is 6 x 6?’

Harry: ’36.’

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, ‘I think Harry can go
to the 3rd grade.’

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, ‘Let me ask him some questions.’

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, ‘What does a cow have four of that I have only two
of?’

Harry, after a moment: ‘Legs.’

Ms. Brooks: ‘What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?’

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: ‘Pockets.’

Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a dog do that a man steps in to?’

Harry: ‘Pants.’

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?’

Harry: ‘Coconut.’

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: ‘What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?’

The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry replied, ‘Bubble gum.’

Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs?’

Harry: ‘Shake hands.’

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: ‘What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a
lot of heat and excitement?’

Harry: ‘Firetruck’

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, ‘Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong

Barack Obama’s New Energy Policy: The Audacity of Stupidity

At a campaign stop in Missouri today, Barack Obama unveiled a new energy policy that’s so brilliant it has to be heard to be believed. And to think this guy is running for President!


“There are things that you can do individually though to save energy; making sure your tires are properly inflated, simple thing, but we could save all the oil that they’re talking about getting off drilling, if everybody was just inflating their tires and getting regular tune-ups. You could actually save just as much.” ~ Barack Obama

He actually said that!

I guess I better go check to see if my tires are properly inflated. If everybody does that, the price of a barrel of oil will drop to around 50 dollars. Why didn’t we see that all along? The man is brilliant!

Nancy Pelosi: “Saving the Planet” by Harming Americans

Save the planet? Every Liberal thinks they’re saving the planet when they ride a bike, replace an incandescent light with a fluorescent bulb, take a three minute shower, or use only one sheet of toilet paper. Nancy Pelosi is just another liberal flake. I wonder what will happen when they find out the planet doesn’t need saving.

Forget about the planet. Save America Nancy! Drill for oil on American soil!

As Pelosi Tries to ‘Save the Planet,’ Republicans Criticize Offshore Drilling Ban


Congressional Republicans are stepping up attacks on Democrats who are blocking votes on oil drilling legislation, homing in on House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who was quoted saying that she wants “to save the planet.”

Pelosi, in an interview published Tuesday in Politico.com, defended her efforts to stall spending bills, saying as speaker she decides which bills will make it to the House floor.

“I’m trying to save the planet. … I will not have this debate trivialized by their excuse for their failed policy,” Pelosi said. “When you win the election, you win the majority, and what is the power of the speaker? To set the agenda, the power of recognition, and I am not giving the gavel away to anyone.”

Ahead of a Republican press conference Tuesday focusing on stalled energy priorities, House Minority Leader John Boehner responded by attacking Pelosi, who has been making talk-show rounds this week with a new book, titled “Know Your Power: A Message to America’s Daughters.”

“She’s got time to go out and promote her new book tour and her new book, but she doesn’t have time to schedule a vote on the floor of the House and let the American people have their will expressed?” Boehner told FOX News.

Boehner blamed Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama for preventing relief.

“For 25 years, Democrats have blocked more American-made oil and gas. That’s why we’re in the predicament we’re in,” said Boehner, R-Ohio. Voters want Congress “to vote on more American made oil and gas. We want to do that. She, Harry Reid, Barack Obama are standing in the way.”

House and Senate Democrats are using their control of Congress to avoid voting on opening up the Outer Continental Shelf and the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve to oil exploration, which they say is unnecessary because oil companies already have leases to millions of acres of federal land. Because of the deadlock, Democratic energy priorities have stalled, too.

Pelosi countered the criticism by issuing a statement that listed a series of editorials from newspaper boards critical of the GOP plan to allow more offshore oil drilling.

“American families and businesses are struggling with skyrocketing gas prices at the pump, but President Bush and his Republican allies in Congress continue to stand in the way of real relief,” Pelosi said in the statement. “Instead, the Bush-Cheney policy, an energy plan crafted by two oilmen in the White House, revolves around the best interests of Big Oil – from protecting tax breaks to expanding domestic oil and gas drilling.”

But with a contentious election coming up, and with most Americans now supporting drilling, Boehner and Republicans are willing to go on offense.

Boehner suggested Obama is among Democrats who he says are influenced by a “radical group of environmentalists” pushing higher gas prices.

“If you listen to Barack Obama during the primaries, you know, he didn’t think $5 gas was all that bad. He was just upset it got there so quickly. And what you’ve got, you’ve got a bunch of radical environmentalists who think that we ought to have higher gasoline prices so Americans will drive less,” Boehner said.

With four legislative weeks left before the November elections, after which Congress is likely to punt big issues until the next administration takes office, little time is left to find a means to reduce oil costs, which is blamed for driving up inflation and slowing down the economy.

“They’re trying to run out the clock,” Boehner said.


Joke Of The Day

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden…….

‘Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.’

‘Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.’

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There’s raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon… every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

‘Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. ‘Eees a bacon tree.’

‘Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don’t forget.’

‘Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon… ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree’.

And with that… Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

‘Pepe… go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.’

‘Luis Luis mi amigo… what ees it?

‘Pepe… ees not a bacon tree…

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Eees a Ham Bush.

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