Not So Dirty Joke Of The Day: 7-31-2008

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Jul 312008
 

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her
students. The teacher asked, ‘Harry, what’s your problem?’

Harry answered, ‘I’m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the
3rd grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd
grade too!’

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal’s office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he
would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: ‘What is 3 x 3?’

Harry: ‘9.’

Principal: ‘What is 6 x 6?’

Harry: ’36.’

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, ‘I think Harry can go
to the 3rd grade.’

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, ‘Let me ask him some questions.’

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, ‘What does a cow have four of that I have only two
of?’

Harry, after a moment: ‘Legs.’

Ms. Brooks: ‘What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?’

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: ‘Pockets.’

Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a dog do that a man steps in to?’

Harry: ‘Pants.’

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?’

Harry: ‘Coconut.’

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: ‘What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?’

The principal’s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Harry replied, ‘Bubble gum.’

Ms. Brooks: ‘What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down
and a dog does on three legs?’

Harry: ‘Shake hands.’

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: ‘What word starts with an ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means a
lot of heat and excitement?’

Harry: ‘Firetruck’

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, ‘Put
Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong

Barack Obama’s New Energy Policy: The Audacity of Stupidity

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Jul 302008
 

At a campaign stop in Missouri today, Barack Obama unveiled a new energy policy that’s so brilliant it has to be heard to be believed. And to think this guy is running for President!


“There are things that you can do individually though to save energy; making sure your tires are properly inflated, simple thing, but we could save all the oil that they’re talking about getting off drilling, if everybody was just inflating their tires and getting regular tune-ups. You could actually save just as much.” ~ Barack Obama

He actually said that!

I guess I better go check to see if my tires are properly inflated. If everybody does that, the price of a barrel of oil will drop to around 50 dollars. Why didn’t we see that all along? The man is brilliant!

Nancy Pelosi: “Saving the Planet” by Harming Americans

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Jul 292008
 

Save the planet? Every Liberal thinks they’re saving the planet when they ride a bike, replace an incandescent light with a fluorescent bulb, take a three minute shower, or use only one sheet of toilet paper. Nancy Pelosi is just another liberal flake. I wonder what will happen when they find out the planet doesn’t need saving.

Forget about the planet. Save America Nancy! Drill for oil on American soil!

As Pelosi Tries to ‘Save the Planet,’ Republicans Criticize Offshore Drilling Ban


Congressional Republicans are stepping up attacks on Democrats who are blocking votes on oil drilling legislation, homing in on House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, who was quoted saying that she wants “to save the planet.”

Pelosi, in an interview published Tuesday in Politico.com, defended her efforts to stall spending bills, saying as speaker she decides which bills will make it to the House floor.

“I’m trying to save the planet. … I will not have this debate trivialized by their excuse for their failed policy,” Pelosi said. “When you win the election, you win the majority, and what is the power of the speaker? To set the agenda, the power of recognition, and I am not giving the gavel away to anyone.”

Ahead of a Republican press conference Tuesday focusing on stalled energy priorities, House Minority Leader John Boehner responded by attacking Pelosi, who has been making talk-show rounds this week with a new book, titled “Know Your Power: A Message to America’s Daughters.”

“She’s got time to go out and promote her new book tour and her new book, but she doesn’t have time to schedule a vote on the floor of the House and let the American people have their will expressed?” Boehner told FOX News.

Boehner blamed Pelosi, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama for preventing relief.

“For 25 years, Democrats have blocked more American-made oil and gas. That’s why we’re in the predicament we’re in,” said Boehner, R-Ohio. Voters want Congress “to vote on more American made oil and gas. We want to do that. She, Harry Reid, Barack Obama are standing in the way.”

House and Senate Democrats are using their control of Congress to avoid voting on opening up the Outer Continental Shelf and the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve to oil exploration, which they say is unnecessary because oil companies already have leases to millions of acres of federal land. Because of the deadlock, Democratic energy priorities have stalled, too.

Pelosi countered the criticism by issuing a statement that listed a series of editorials from newspaper boards critical of the GOP plan to allow more offshore oil drilling.

“American families and businesses are struggling with skyrocketing gas prices at the pump, but President Bush and his Republican allies in Congress continue to stand in the way of real relief,” Pelosi said in the statement. “Instead, the Bush-Cheney policy, an energy plan crafted by two oilmen in the White House, revolves around the best interests of Big Oil – from protecting tax breaks to expanding domestic oil and gas drilling.”

But with a contentious election coming up, and with most Americans now supporting drilling, Boehner and Republicans are willing to go on offense.

Boehner suggested Obama is among Democrats who he says are influenced by a “radical group of environmentalists” pushing higher gas prices.

“If you listen to Barack Obama during the primaries, you know, he didn’t think $5 gas was all that bad. He was just upset it got there so quickly. And what you’ve got, you’ve got a bunch of radical environmentalists who think that we ought to have higher gasoline prices so Americans will drive less,” Boehner said.

With four legislative weeks left before the November elections, after which Congress is likely to punt big issues until the next administration takes office, little time is left to find a means to reduce oil costs, which is blamed for driving up inflation and slowing down the economy.

“They’re trying to run out the clock,” Boehner said.


Joke Of The Day

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Jul 282008
 

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden…….

‘Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon I is sure of eet.’

‘Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee.’

So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.

There’s raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon… every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.

‘Pepe, Pepe, we is saved. ‘Eees a bacon tree.’

‘Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the Desert don’t forget.’

‘Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon… ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree’.

And with that… Luis Races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up,and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, a true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

‘Pepe… go back man,you was right ees not a bacon tree.’

‘Luis Luis mi amigo… what ees it?

‘Pepe… ees not a bacon tree…

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Ees

Eees a Ham Bush.

“Made in USA” Making a Comeback

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Jul 282008
 

This is an interesting article, suggesting a change back to when people were proud to be American and showed their support by buying products that said “American Made” or “Made in America”. This trend is one that is good for us and America; hopefully one that continues, and becomes stronger.

It’s time for a change, the very opposite change suggested by B. Hussein Obama — Buy America, buy American made and produced, Invest in America, vote America, vote American, vote for a real and true American, vote against those who don’t like and love America – who aren’t proud of America and being an American, and who disrespect our values, our history, our flag and our troops, and all 43,000,000 who have served our country.

For me, it is a simple decision, an easy choice: America first, America first and foremost…. putting America first before “self”, politics and winning votes and an election. Simply put, American values, duty and honor — as the old commercial goes – “the old fashion way!”

Now let’s see some “Drilled in the USA” labels.

‘Made in USA’ starts to make a return


In the wake of a decades-long manufacturing exodus overseas, the climbing cost of outsourcing has some U.S. companies looking homeward.

The gap between the cost to produce goods in the United States or to produce them abroad has narrowed, thanks to a decrease in China’s competitive advantage.

The Chinese yuan has appreciated 18 percent against the dollar in the past three years, making exports more expensive and less competitive. Chinese wages have more than doubled over the past five years, and the Chinese government has lowered or eliminated tax breaks on exports.

Meanwhile, oil prices have soared from $25 a barrel in 2002 to more than $125 today, discouraging American businesses from shipping manufacturing operations overseas.

“The days are over where you just think you can go over to China to get something cheap,” said Harry Kazazian, chief executive officer of Exxel Outdoors Inc., a Haleyville, Ala., producer of outdoor recreational gear.

Exxel has been doing just that since 2005, when executives detected the beginnings of a market shift favoring homemade wares.

“It’s kind of like the light bulb goes off in your head,” Mr. Kazazian said.

“We really need to come back,” he told Exxel President Armen Kouleyan while they toured their production plants in China.

Colleagues raised their eyebrows at the plan, but Exxel soon began investing in its Haleyville, Ala., factory in preparation for a move back to the United States. The company increased the American portion of production of its best-selling family sleeping bag from 40 percent to more than 60 percent, said Mr. Kazazian. He plans to increase that to 90 percent by 2010. The company will produce 1.5 million sleeping bags this year and expects to make 2 million next year.

“We’re kind of on the front end of the trend,” Mr. Kazazian said, explaining that by maintaining its U.S. factory when other companies closed their domestic plants, Exxel avoided huge startup costs and delays when it decided to repatriate production. “We wanted to keep our options open. Whether you call it hindsight or you call it good fortune, I think that is why we’re ahead of the curve.”

No hard data are available to document the shift back to U.S. factories, said NAM Chief Economist David Huether. But a second-quarter NAM survey of 314 member companies showed that 59 percent of respondents have seen “increased costs of materials and supplies imported from abroad” and 30 percent are purchasing more supplies from domestic sources.

Mr. Kazazian said he thinks outsourcing has peaked.

Factory owners might wait and watch price trends before shifting to domestic manufacturing on a large scale, said Hank Cox, vice president of communications for the National Association of Manufacturers.

“For them to turn around and say, ‘Oops, mistake,’ that takes a lot of money to bring production back here,” he said. “It’s not just something you can do at the drop of a hat. These factors would have to continue for a while before you would see a tipping point.”

Still, economic forces make it more attractive for an increasing number of manufacturers to move toward more domestic production, Mr. Cox said. Although factories won’t gear up overnight, the sustained increases in oil prices – and shipping costs – are bringing the change closer.

Firestone Home Products, a Burnsville, Minn., maker of high-end outdoor furniture and gas grills, has decided to return 25 percent of its total manufacturing to U.S. plants from China.

China and India produce about 75 percent of Firestone’s goods today.

“There’s been steady cost increases over the last three years, and all of them have been double-digit-type increases,” said Firestone founder and President Dan Shimek, who invented Heat-N-Glo fireplaces with his brother Ron before starting Firestone in 2004. He anticipates upping American production by October.

“Our interest would be to position in the United States to begin with, so when it gets so that it’s not that much more expensive to make it here, it becomes more attractive. I would like to think that this can be done on a permanent basis,” Mr. Shimek said.

U.S. production costs are increasing along with China’s. The NAM study said 79 percent of manufacturers report increased costs for domestically produced goods. But for some businesses, reducing costs by cutting overseas shipments sweetens the incentive to manufacture in the United States.

A producer of classroom furniture for schoolchildren, Artco-Bell Corp. of Temple, Texas, has transferred production of steel and polypropylene goods from foreign to domestic sources. Although that has meant an increase in unit costs, eliminating transoceanic shipping has reduced total expenses by as much as 20 percent, said Stephen Sykes, vice president of marketing.

Over the past eight years, he said, the cost to ship a container from China increased from $2,200 to more than $7,000.

“For a while, [the Chinese] were buying steel better than we could buy steel,” Mr. Sykes said. “But as the scales began to balance as far as what they were purchasing in raw and what we were purchasing in raw, then the freight became the issue. The great equalizer is the boat ride back over.”

Increased wages in China have produced a new middle class, Mr. Sykes said. If Chinese wage gains remain high, he said, his company’s shift to domestic production could become a long-term change.

“I don’t know how it’s going to slip the other way,” he said.

U.S. labor costs are still higher than Chinese, but other factors help make U.S. production more tempting, said Mr. Kazazian.

“You’re never going to have $2-an-hour labor” in the United States, he said. “But with quality, time, efficiency, you close the gap.”

Mr. Sykes said he is happy that his company has reduced foreign outsourcing from 12 percent to less than 4 percent of total output in the past year and a half.

“Not only does it make it feasible, but it sure makes us feel a heck of a lot better to do business in the United States,” he said.

Mr. Kazazian said domestic manufacturing helps his company keep customers satisfied while encouraging patriotic pride.

“Given the opportunity, American workers are better than anyplace else,” he said. “The pride that they have when they come in and produce a product is something missing in a lot of other places. Because at the end of the day, there’s a lot of advantages to being made in the USA.”


Grass Guzzler: Man Rides Horseback to do his Errands

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Jul 272008
 


Ernie Runge lives in the same town as me and when this story ran in a local paper I decided that I would share it. With gas prices so high, he has decided horseback riding may be a good way to get his errands done and who can blame him.

Grass Guzzler


These days everyone is looking for a way to cut down on their fuel costs and one Douglassville man is relying on authentic horsepower to do the trick.

“I’ve done this a number of times probably for the last year and especially now that the gas prices are up,” Ernie Runge said of riding horseback to do his errands.

Runge, atop his horse Red Corner Rose, took a ride to National Penn Bank in Douglassville Friday with friends Bryan McIntyre and Lindsay Radies, both of Birdsboro.

“My buddies and I usually go horseback riding on a Friday,” Runge said, so he’s paired his rides with getting errands done.

After going to the bank Friday “we stopped at the Douglassville Hotel and had a beer,” Runge said.

A native of the local area, Runge, who owns Holiday Stables, said he’s been riding horses since he was about 12 years old. These days the 63-year-old said he rides about four or five times a week.

He enjoys riding trails throughout the local area, including the Thun Trail, but riding his horses to the grocery store, to the local bar or the bank often gets more looks and comments from people.

“We’ll get comments of ‘How many miles do you get per gallon of oats,'” Runge said.

The bank tellers at the drive thru all come up to the window to get a glimpse of him on his horse, and when he decides to use a vehicle to go to the bank they ask when he’s bringing the horse back.

Runge said he’s never gotten any negative comments or been given a hard time for riding his horses to places like the bank or the supermarket.

“I’ve never had any grief but I certainly know better than to ride down (Route) 422,” he said. “We’re cautious. We want to make sure we’re alive to do it the next day.”

Runge said he rides any chance he can get, but cutting back on fuel cost is certainly an incentive to do it for more practical things.

“I would probably do it anyway to be honest with you,” he said of riding his horse to complete chores, “but it is because of this gas crunch that we find we’re doing it more often.”

Runge explained that not all horses are suited for riding on the road or near lots of people or traffic. But his horse Red Corner Rose does.

Anyone else who thinks they’d like to ride horseback around town needs to “definitely make sure they have the quiet, gentle, thoughtful horse that’s going to accept the traffic” and other distractions, Runge said.

If the price of gasoline were to miraculously drop tomorrow, Runge said he’d still likely keep riding his horses as often as he does now.

“We enjoy doing it,” he said of horseback riding, speaking for himself and his friends. “It’s a passion. It’s my life.”



Beware of Charismatic Men Who Preach Change

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Jul 272008
 


The following letter appeared in Letters to the Editor in the Richmond Times Dispatch, Richmond, VA on July 7, 2008. It offers a reflection on the Obama’s current election-year rhetoric from a man that escaped Communist Cuba in 1968.

Mr. Alvarez’s story is remarkable. Americans better heed his words – he knows from whence he speaks!

It is very unfortunate that the black community along with mindless Liberals only see the color of Obama’s skin and not his character.

Beware Charismatic Men Who Preach ‘Change’


Editor, Times-Dispatch:

Each year I get to celebrate Independence Day twice. On June 30 I celebrate my independence day and on July 4 I celebrate America’s. This year is special, because it marks the 40th anniversary of my independence.

On June 30, 1968, I escaped Communist Cuba and a few months later I was in the United States to stay. That I happened to arrive in Richmond on Thanksgiving Day is just part of the story, but I digress.

I’ve thought a lot about the anniversary this year. The election-year rhetoric has made me think a lot about Cuba and what transpired there. In the late 1950s, most Cubans thought Cuba needed a change, and they were right. So when a young leader came along, every Cuban was at least receptive.

When the young leader spoke eloquently and passionately and denounced the old system, the press fell in love with him. They never questioned who his friends were or what he really believed in. When he said he would help the farmers and the poor and bring free medical care and education to all, everyone followed. When he said he would bring justice and equality to all, everyone said “Praise the Lord.” And when the young leader said, “I will be for change and I’ll bring you change,” everyone yelled, “Viva Fidel!”

But nobody asked about the change, so by the time the executioner’s guns went silent the people’s guns had been taken away. By the time everyone was equal, they were equally poor, hungry, and oppressed. By the time everyone received their free education it was worth nothing. By the time the press noticed, it was too late, because they were now working for him. By the time the change was finally implemented Cuba had been knocked down a couple of notches to Third-World status. By the time the change was over more than a million people had taken to boats, rafts, and inner tubes. You can call those who made it ashore anywhere else in the world the most fortunate Cubans. And now I’m back to the beginning of my story.

Luckily, we would never fall in America for a young leader who promised change without asking, what change? How will you carry it out? What will it cost America?

Would we?

Manuel Alvarez Jr. Sandy Hook.


Bush Should Call Congress Back To Vote On Drilling

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Jul 262008
 

In my opinion we are approaching a national emergency when a significant number of Americans will not be capable of paying $5 a gallon for heating oil to heat their homes.

Calling Congress back to vote on drilling would force the Pelosi, Reid, Obama “The False Messiah” and all of their cohorts with their windmill fantasies to defend themselves on the floors of Congress. McCain could destroy Obama on this issue.

Let’s face it, The 110th Congress is in the grip of a cowardly paralysis and it is time to force their hand.

Call Congress Back To Vote On Drilling


Leadership: When it comes to giving relief at the pump by drilling for more oil, this is truly a “do-nothing” Democratic Congress. President Bush should give ’em hell like Harry Truman did.

Article II, Section 3 of the Constitution states that the president “may, on extraordinary occasions, convene both houses” of Congress. On more than two dozen occasions in our history, presidents have done just that, forcing the Senate and House of Representatives to meet on extraordinary matters of defense or economic peril.

Sixty years ago this month, President Truman called such a special session to shame into action what he labeled a “do nothing” Republican Congress. He dubbed it the Turnip Day Session, because of the day on which it began. According to folklore in Truman’s native Missouri, “On the 25th of July, sow your turnips, wet or dry.”

Congress refused to do Truman’s bidding in the session, but the bold move saved the president’s political skin. He defied the odds that November and was re-elected — largely because the public came to view the 80th Congress as in the grip of a cowardly paralysis.

Today’s Democratic-controlled 110th Congress is just as paralyzed, but the stakes are far higher. Our irrational dependence on oil from foreign nations is squeezing American consumers and businesses with sky-high fuel prices. And it makes us vulnerable to blackmail by hostile, oil-rich regimes.

Americans use nearly 21 million barrels of oil a day. The U.S. Geological Survey has just identified 90 billion barrels of recoverable oil in the Arctic — nearly 30 billion barrels of it in Alaska. Yet House Speaker Nancy Pelosi refuses to allow a floor vote on drilling because the idea it would make a difference is “frivolous,” she said last week.

Suffering consumers disagree. This month, an IBD/TIPP Poll of 920 adults found that by more than 3-to-1 Americans believe gas prices to be a bigger problem than global warming. A broad-based 64% of respondents favor offshore drilling, and 65% want oil shale development in the Western states.

A Rasmussen survey in June found 67% of voters in favor of drilling off the coasts of California, Florida and other states, and 64% believing gas prices would drop as a result. A Zogby poll last month found that 74% want offshore drilling in U.S. waters.

This is a potential political gusher, if only Republicans would fully tap into it. Bush has the opportunity to do so before this hot, cash-guzzling summer ends. Like Truman, he can use his constitutional authority to call this negligent Congress back once it embarks on its long August recess to campaign for re-election.

In so doing, he can demand that instead of nonsolutions like its failed attempt to release more oil from the Strategic Petroleum Reserve [SPR], Congress carry out the will of the vast majority of Americans by passing laws that authorize drilling.

In one fell swoop, a presidential recall of Congress would strengthen national security, boost our economy and maybe even turn things around for Republicans and avoid the losses being predicted for them this election year.

If giving ’em hell worked for Harry, you bet it can work for Dubya.


Related:
Your Wallet: The Only Place Democrats Want to Drill
Democrats Against Drilling and the American People
Get Your Gas Pump Stickers Here!
It is time for Nancy “the Troll at the Bridge” Pelosi to Resign
Analysts Say Gas Prices Could Fall to $2 if Congress Acts
Nancy Pelosi Calls Drilling in Protected Areas a Hoax
Nozzle Rage: Getting Hosed at the Gas Pump
What do the Democratic-led Congress and OPEC Have in Common?
Democrat-Controlled Congress May Be Trying to Destroy America with $11 Per Gallon Gasoline
The Truth about Drilling in ANWR
The Oil Jihad Continues: OPEC President Predicts the Price of Oil Will Climb to $170 a Barrel before the End of the Year
OPEC’s Oil Jihad
Alaska Governor to Harry Reid: Start drilling in ANWR
Mad About High Gas Prices? An Easy Solution
10 Reasons To Blame Democrats For Soaring Gasoline Prices
Congressional Stupidity Is Destroying America
The Price Of Oil Rose 8% Today
Newt Gingrich: Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less
10 Energy Questions for the US Senate
Congress Responsible For High Oil and Gas Prices
Saudis And Democrats See No Reason To Raise Oil Production Now
The Democrat’s Energy Plan: When Common Sense Is Not So Common
ANWR Derangement Syndrome: Senate Democrats Reject Domestic Oil Drilling
Energy Pandering: Congress Divided On Energy Plan
Senators Introduce Bill to Increase Domestic Oil and Natural Gas Production
200 Billion Barrels Of Oil That Could Make The U.S. Energy Independent
Democrats Put Big Oil on Display Once Again
Corn Prices Jump to Record $6 a Bushel, Driving Up Costs for Food

Joke Of The Day

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Jul 262008
 

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’

Chuck replied, ‘Well, then just give me my money back.’

The farmer said, ‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’

Chuck said, ‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’

The farmer asked, ‘What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said, ‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said, You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’

Chuck said, ‘Sure I can Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’

Chuck said, ‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.’

The farmer said, ‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

Chuck said, ‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’

Chuck now works for the government.

He Ventured Forth to Bring Light to the World

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Jul 262008
 

This absolutely brilliant piece of political satire is hysterical on so many levels. It is definitely a must read as well as a must view. Feel free to pass it on to everyone.

He ventured forth to bring light to the world


And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.

And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth – for the first time – to bring the light unto all the world.

He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the

Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.

And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.

From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.

And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child’s very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.

And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.

From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered “Hosanna” and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet.

In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.

As word spread throughout the land about the Child’s wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child’s journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.

And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.

Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.

And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.

Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.

But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.

And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.

Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.

On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.

And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: “Yes, We Can.”


Your Wallet: The Only Place Democrats Want to Drill

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Jul 262008
 


The Tennessee Republican Party has come up with a great idea for a bumper sticker that will give the American people a way to show their disapproval of the Democrat Party’s refusal to approve increased drilling for oil in our own country.

Tennessee Republican Party offers motorists a way to express their opinion on Democrats’ refusal to address high gas prices.


The Tennessee Republican Party has released a new bumper sticker designed to help motorists express their disapproval of the Democrat Party’s refusal to approve increased drilling for oil in our own country in order to combat high gas prices and our dangerous dependence on imported oil.

The TRP releases the bumper sticker, and reiterates its endorsement of the grassroots Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less campaign, at the same time that Democrat leaders such as Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi are blocking all attempts by Republican lawmakers to force a vote on legislation to expand domestic oil drilling.

“The polls are unequivocal – the American people are ready for an energy policy that encourages more domestic oil production in addition to focusing on conservation, energy efficiency and developing alternative energy technologies, yet Democrats refuse,” said Tennessee Republican Party communications director Bill Hobbs. “And while it is the Washington Democrats who are refusing to vote to allow expanded oil drilling, Tennessee Democrat leaders like Tennessee Democrat Party Chairman Gray Sasser, Democrat Gov. Phil Bredesen and a host of elected Democrats across the state have endorsed the presidential campaign of Barack Obama, who also opposes increased oil drilling.”

More than 1.3 million Americans have already signed the Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less petition, on the web at http://www.americansolutions.com.

“A few weeks ago, I and the Tennessee Republican Party echoed the sentiments of millions of Tennesseans by joining the chorus of ‘Drill Here. Drill Now. Pay Less’,” said Robin Smith, Chairman of the Tennessee Republican party. “In sharp contrast, Tennessee Democrats have remained stone silent about moving their members of Congress to act to allow more domestic oil production.”


Related:
Democrats Against Drilling and the American People
Get Your Gas Pump Stickers Here!
It is time for Nancy “the Troll at the Bridge” Pelosi to Resign
Analysts Say Gas Prices Could Fall to $2 if Congress Acts
Nancy Pelosi Calls Drilling in Protected Areas a Hoax
Nozzle Rage: Getting Hosed at the Gas Pump
What do the Democratic-led Congress and OPEC Have in Common?
Democrat-Controlled Congress May Be Trying to Destroy America with $11 Per Gallon Gasoline
The Truth about Drilling in ANWR
The Oil Jihad Continues: OPEC President Predicts the Price of Oil Will Climb to $170 a Barrel before the End of the Year
OPEC’s Oil Jihad
Alaska Governor to Harry Reid: Start drilling in ANWR
Mad About High Gas Prices? An Easy Solution
10 Reasons To Blame Democrats For Soaring Gasoline Prices
Congressional Stupidity Is Destroying America
The Price Of Oil Rose 8% Today
Newt Gingrich: Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less
10 Energy Questions for the US Senate
Congress Responsible For High Oil and Gas Prices
Saudis And Democrats See No Reason To Raise Oil Production Now
The Democrat’s Energy Plan: When Common Sense Is Not So Common
ANWR Derangement Syndrome: Senate Democrats Reject Domestic Oil Drilling
Energy Pandering: Congress Divided On Energy Plan
Senators Introduce Bill to Increase Domestic Oil and Natural Gas Production
200 Billion Barrels Of Oil That Could Make The U.S. Energy Independent
Democrats Put Big Oil on Display Once Again
Corn Prices Jump to Record $6 a Bushel, Driving Up Costs for Food

Joke Of The Day

 Jokes  Comments Off on Joke Of The Day
Jul 242008
 

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so the angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she should get into Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, ‘Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure the angels will be pleased to see them every day, for eternity.’

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever. he angel chuckles and says,’Okay, Your Majesty, you may go’

Dolly is outraged and asks, ‘What was that all about? I show you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and gets in! Would you explain that to me?’

‘Sorry, Dolly,’ says the angel, but, even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are.

Democrats Against Drilling and the American People

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Jul 242008
 


The entire liberal Democrat community in both the US Senate and US House have been against drilling for many years…now with gas over $4.00…who is to blame ? Yes…the liberal Democrats in the US House and Senate…so don’t vote for any of them…send them packing in November along with Senator Obama…especially Senator Obama!

Democrats Against Drilling


Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and other liberal leaders on Capitol Hill are gripped by cold-sweat terror. If they permit a vote on offshore drilling, they know they will lose when Blue Dogs and oil-patch Democrats defect to the GOP position of increasing domestic energy production. So the last failsafe is to shut down Congress.

Majority Leader Reid has decided that deliberation is too taxing for “the world’s greatest deliberative body.” This week he cut off serious energy amendments to his antispeculation bill. Then Senate Appropriations baron Robert Byrd abruptly canceled a bill markup planned for today where Republicans intended to press the issue. Mr. Byrd’s counterpart in the House, David Obey, is enforcing a similar lockdown. Speaker Pelosi says she won’t allow even a debate before Congress’s August recess begins in eight days.

She and Mr. Reid are cornered by substance. The upward pressure on oil prices is caused by rising world-wide consumption and limited growth in supplies. Yet at least 65% of America’s undiscovered, recoverable oil, and 40% of its natural gas, is hostage to the Congressional drilling moratorium.

The Democratic leadership is trying to smother any awareness of their responsibility for high prices. They are also trying to quash a revolt among Democrats who realize that the country is still dependent on fossil fuels, no matter how loudly quasimystical environmentalists like Al Gore claim otherwise.


I found this quote on the Free Republic that pretty much sums it up.


Something to think about. Don’t forget to get the word out, this election is important.

The Democrats forced a freeze on SPR(Strategic Petroleum Reserve). The oil prices went up.

The Democrats passed a farm bill with Ethanol. The oil prices went up.

The Democrats pushed a bill threatening to sue OPEC. The oil prices went up.

The Democrats said “no drilling”(Can’t drill our way out, etc). The oil prices went up.

The Democrats held hearings decrying speculators, and pushed regulatory changes about speculation. The oil prices went up.

Democrats pushed for windfall profits on oil companies. Oil prices went up.

Democrats begged Saudi Arabia to pump more oil. Oil prices went up.

Democrats passed measure increasing “renewable fuel” investments. Oil prices went up.

The Democrats went on vacation (4Th of July). Oil prices went down.

Bush announced the end of the executive ban on drilling. Oil prices plummeted, biggest 2-day drop ever.

Bush administration cleared regulatory hurdles to drill in the National Petroleum Reserve in Alaska. Oil prices went down.

A new well was brought online. Oil prices went down.

Administration published new relaxed rules for shale oil. Oil prices went down.

We made it through hurricane season so far; Latest storm didn’t bother gulf – oil prices went down.

So far, it looks like everything the Democrats said would lower prices actually raised prices.

Meanwhile, everything that happened that looked like it would INCREASE SUPPLY caused the oil prices to DROP.

So, economics 101 is still operative. Supply and demand folks. It still works.

Get government involved in the market and prices go up, get them out and prices go down.

Leave the markets alone congress!! Do something productive like… oh I don’t know, go on vacations! (See above)


Related:
Get Your Gas Pump Stickers Here!
It is time for Nancy “the Troll at the Bridge” Pelosi to Resign
Analysts Say Gas Prices Could Fall to $2 if Congress Acts
Nancy Pelosi Calls Drilling in Protected Areas a Hoax
Nozzle Rage: Getting Hosed at the Gas Pump
What do the Democratic-led Congress and OPEC Have in Common?
Democrat-Controlled Congress May Be Trying to Destroy America with $11 Per Gallon Gasoline
The Truth about Drilling in ANWR
The Oil Jihad Continues: OPEC President Predicts the Price of Oil Will Climb to $170 a Barrel before the End of the Year
OPEC’s Oil Jihad
Alaska Governor to Harry Reid: Start drilling in ANWR
Mad About High Gas Prices? An Easy Solution
10 Reasons To Blame Democrats For Soaring Gasoline Prices
Congressional Stupidity Is Destroying America
The Price Of Oil Rose 8% Today
Newt Gingrich: Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less
10 Energy Questions for the US Senate
Congress Responsible For High Oil and Gas Prices
Saudis And Democrats See No Reason To Raise Oil Production Now
The Democrat’s Energy Plan: When Common Sense Is Not So Common
ANWR Derangement Syndrome: Senate Democrats Reject Domestic Oil Drilling
Energy Pandering: Congress Divided On Energy Plan
Senators Introduce Bill to Increase Domestic Oil and Natural Gas Production
200 Billion Barrels Of Oil That Could Make The U.S. Energy Independent
Democrats Put Big Oil on Display Once Again
Corn Prices Jump to Record $6 a Bushel, Driving Up Costs for Food