Oct 182017
 

Caught on mic at a Las Vegas press conference, a reporter asks a pretty straightforward question: Was there an extraction vehicle for Stephen Paddock the night of the massacre? Did he plan to survive?

 

FBI Agent, To Sheriff Joe Lombardo: “Don’t go there.” WHAT IS THE FBI HIDING?

Las Vegas Sheriff Joseph Lombardo, FBI Special Agent in charge Aaron Rouse, Clark County Commissioner Steve Sisolak and Sen. Dean Heller held a press conference on October 4th 2017 where they gave an update on the investigation into the shooting.

In the CBS footage of the press conference Sheriff Lombardo is clearly told by someone ‘Don’t Go There’ after a question about Steve Paddock’s Car.

 

 
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Oct 182017
 
Someone valiantly took it upon themselves to splice together three times the show predicted some of the issues we’d be dealing with in the 2016 election, some 25 years or so later. It’s uncanny.

Icons like Al Bundy and Homer Simpson, while caricatures, are the symbols of the great American middle class family.

Sure they are crude, beer drinking, oafish and loud, and sometimes lazy. But they are always protecting their wives, their family, their marriage, and loving of country. They both faced temptations, and every time they held onto the sanctity of their marriages and the strength of the nuclear family.

They weren’t well to do, but they are well-intentioned and good of heart. And that makes them the perfect role models for the American man.
 

 
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Oct 182017
 
Joke Of The Day: Army Budget Cuts It was near the end of basic training and all the soldiers were getting ready for the war. A private came charging into his Lieutenant’s office and said ” Lieutenant, we don’t have enough rifles. What am I going to use for the war?”

“I don’t have time to deal with this right now” the lieutenant thought.

He grabbed a broom, sawed off the bottom, and handed it to the solder. “Here use this instead.”

“How is this going to work?”

“When you see the bad guys coming at you, just point it at them and say ‘Bangity Bang Bang, Bang Bang'”.

So the private ran out with his new “rifle”. But soon he came running back to the Lieutenant saying “Lieutenant, we don’t have enough bayonets!”

The Lieutenant grabbed a piece of string off of his desk and gave it the private. “When you see the bad guys coming just throw this at them and say ‘Stabity Stab Stab, Stab Stab.'”

So the private was all ready for his war. He was sitting in a fox hole, hating being out there, when he saw an enemy creeping along the top of a nearby hill.

He grabbed his broom, pointed it at the bad guy and said “Bangity Bang Bang Bangity Bang Bang” and he fell down dead.

“Wow this really works” thought the private. He started going through the underbrush when another enemy jumped out and try to gut him – he threw his string at him and said, ‘Stabbity Stab Stab!’. The enemy fell down, dead.

Pretty soon, he saw another guy rampaging through the woods. He pointed his broomstick at him and yelled, ‘Bangity Bang Bang!’ Nothing, so he did it again, ‘Bangity Bang Bang!’ The guy was stomping he’s feet. He threw the string, Stabbit Stab Stab!’ The enemy kept stomping towards him and plowed over him, stomping him into the ground.

Then he heard the big guy mumbling as he went past “Tankity Tank Tank Tankity Tank Tank.”

 

 

 

Oct 172017
 
“Shaving Cream” is a song written by Benny Bell in 1946, and originally sung by Paul Wynn. It is a novelty song where each verse ends with a mind rhyme of sh*t, the initial sh- segueing into the refrain, “Shaving Cream”.

For example:

“I have a sad story to tell you
It may hurt your feelings a bit
Last night when I walked into my bathroom
I stepped in a big pile of …shhhhh . . . aving cream,
be nice and clean. . . .
Shave ev’ry day and you’ll always look keen.”

Enjoy!

The original version of “Shaving Cream” was issued on Bell’s Cocktail Party Songs record label in 1946, with Phil Winston on vocals under the pseudonym Paul Wynn, and as that name was also used by Bell himself, Winston’s version has often been mistaken for Bell’s, and has appeared on Benny Bell compilation albums more frequently than Bell’s own version.

After the song began to be played on the Dr. Demento radio show in the 1970s, Vanguard Records reissued the song in 1975, and it became a hit, peaking at #30 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. Early copies of the 1975 Vanguard single credited Bell as the performer. However, after controversy ensued, the same recording was re-released with revised labels crediting Paul Wynn as performer.

A remake of “Shaving Cream” performed as a duet with Dr. Demento was released on the albums, Dr. Demento’s Dementia Royale and Dr. Demento’s 25th Anniversary Collection. Dr. Demento occasionally performed the song live in concert with “Weird Al” Yankovic’s band (Yankovic playing accordion). Another 1970s cover version was recorded by a soca group, The Fabulous Five.

Dave Van Ronk performed this song at his shows over the years, and a version is included on the CD of rarities, The Mayor of MacDougal Street. He modifies the trick of the song by changing the last line to “stick your head in a bucket of shit” rather than “a bucket of shaving cream”.

On the 2017 revival of The Gong Show, this song is performed as an intermission partway through each show, and is sung in audience sing-along fashion, led by a staff performer.
 

 

 

 

 

Oct 172017
 

You know you’re a Floridian if….

Socks are only for bowling.

You never use an umbrella because the rain will be over in five minutes.

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

Your winter coat is made of denim.

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

You’re younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65.

Anything under 70 degrees is chilly.

You’ve driven through Yeehaw Junction.

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

Every other house in your neighborhood had blue roofs in 2004-2005.

You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn’t worth waking up for.

You dread love bug season.

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren’t Hurricane Charley or Hurricane Frances. You know them as Andrew, Charley , Frances , Ivan, Jeanne, Wilma…Irene…Cheryl…Rita, Mary..Alison

You know what a snowbird is and when they’ll leave.

You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

‘Down South’ means Key West.

Flip-flops are everyday wear. Shoes are for business meetings and church, but you HAVE worn flip flops to church before.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

You know the four seasons really are: Hurricane season, love bug season, tourist season and summer.

You’ve hosted a hurricane party.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee , Withlacoochee , Thonotosassa and Micanopy.

You understand why it’s better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

You were 25 when you first met someone who couldn’t swim.

You’ve worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas and New Years.

You recognize Miami-Dade as ‘ Northern Cuba .’

 
 

Oct 162017
 
Prosecutors Say Democratic Senator Robert Menendez Used Underage Hookers

Senator Robert Menendez, D-NJ, is on trial for taking bribes from a Florida eye doctor, who committed $105 million in Medicare fraud. Among the rewards to Menendez were trips to the Dominican Republic where federal prosecutors say he may have slept with underage hookers.

If he wasn’t a Democrat, this would be the most covered trial of the century.

From the New York Daily News:

Federal prosecutors said Monday that they aren’t convinced claims U.S. Sen. Robert Menendez cavorted with underage hookers – widely seen as discredited – are false.

Lawyers for the New Jersey Democrat last week asked a federal judge to dismiss charges that the senator took bribes from a Florida eye doctor, Salomon Melgen, and in exchange used his power to do business and personal favors for him.

The defense said the case is bogus because it sprang from “easily disprovable” claims that Menendez slept with underage prostitutes while hosted by Melgen at a Dominican Republic villa.

Three women who made the prostitution allegations later recanted and said they were paid to level the charges. Neither Melgen nor Menendez was charged with soliciting underage prostitutes.

But in a motion Monday asking the judge to ignore the defense arguments, Justice Department lawyers say the hooker allegations “were not so easily disprovable as the defendants suggest.”