Aug 302015
 
Red Skelton’s tips for a Happy Marriage:

Red Skelton's Marriage Tips

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me “In the Lake.”

8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said “No, jump in!”

10. Remember. Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.

12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked “What’s on the TV?” I said “Dust!”

 

Aug 302015
 

A lot of things can kill you but here are some surprising ones that you probably never knew about.

Enjoy!

This is the ultimate video to illustrate that “the dose makes the poison.” ASAP Science explains how much seasoning, how many cherry pits, and how much loud music will murder you.

Was anyone really surprised to learn that only a few cherry pits will kill someone? This video makes marijuana look surprisingly safe by comparison. Here’s something to reassure you if you ever swallow a cherry pit. They’re not kidding when they say you’ll probably be okay if you don’t chew it. Technically, cherry pits don’t contain cyanide, they contain amygdalin. There are enzymes in the gut that can turn amygdalin into cyanide, but the body regularly deals with small amounts of cyanide because quite a few thing contain some amygdalin.

The problem is when you chew cherry pits. The pit itself also contains one of these enzymes—emulsin—and chewing the pit will naturally mix the amygdalin and the emulsin to create cyanide. In that case, consuming a cherry pit can be very dangerous.

Source…

This Much Will Kill You

 

Aug 302015
 

At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word “service.”

“It’s the act of doing things for other people.” Then I heard these terms which reference the word service:

Internal Revenue Service
Postal Service
Telephone Service
Civil Service
City & County Public Service
Customer Service
Service Stations

Then I became confused about the word “service.” This is not what I thought “service” meant.

So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to “service” a few of his cows. Suddenly, it all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those “service” agencies are all about.

I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.

 

Aug 302015
 
Rubber Chicken A female truck driver decided to buy herself a big dog for protection while she was on the road. She went to the local animal shelter and asked about one particularly large and fierce looking dog and the attendant told her, “He doesn’t like men.”

Perfect, she thought, and so she bought him.

Later that week, she was in a dark parking lot and two big, rough looking men started walking toward her. Sure enough, as the attendant at the animal shelter had told her, the dog didn’t like men. He promptly ran and cowered under the nearest car.

 

 

Aug 292015
 

Fascinating!


This video contains images that might be considered NSFW.

We take a lot of things for granted in America. One is that there is most likely a somewhat clean, free bathroom nearby. That is not that case around the world. Some toilets wouldn’t even be recognizable to most Americans, such the the floor toilets found in the heartland of China. Cut Video traveled around the world to show viewers all the different types of toilets.

Source…

Public Restrooms Around the World
 

Aug 292015
 
Rubber Chicken During a lady’s medical examination, the British doctor says, “Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the part that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble.”

The lady starts taking off her undies but is interrupted by the doctor.

“No! No! …. Just stick out your tongue!”

 

 

Aug 282015
 

Sunglasses for Your Face Shape

Different sunglasses look better on different faces. Sure, you could try them all out until you find one that works, but if you need a little help, here’s an infographic that’ll help narrow it down for you.

It’s simple: first, you determine your face shape by tracing it in a mirror and comparing it to the shapes on the infographic. Then refer to the second half, which lists your face shape and the sunglass styles that match. It even explains why those sunglasses are a good fit for you, which is good to remember if you’re ever out without the guide on hand.

With that, you’ve narrowed it down from way too many options to just a handful, which makes this process a lot easier. The Sun Authority also has an interactive guide at the link below, so check that out as well if you’re interested.

Source…

The Sun Authority

Aug 282015
 
Rubber Chicken A beautiful woman loved growing tomatoes, but couldn’t seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. One day, while taking a stroll, she came upon a gentleman neighbor who had the most beautiful garden full of huge red tomatoes.

The woman asked the gentlemen,”What do you do to get your tomatoes so red?” The gentlemen responded, “Well, twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden naked in my trench coat and flash them. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much.”

Well, the woman was so impressed; she decided to try doing the same thing to her tomato garden to see if it would work. So twice a day for two weeks she flashed her garden hoping for the best.

One day the gentleman was passing by and asked the woman, “By the way, how did you make out? Did your tomatoes turn red?”

“No”, she replied, “but my cucumbers are enormous.”