|The only thing divorce proves is whose mother was right in the first place.|
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|One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news.
“I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” The Lord told him.
Adam looked at The Lord and said, “Well, give me the good news first.”
Smiling, The Lord explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you, one is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve.”
“Wonderful!” Adam said. “Thank you. What is the second organ?”
“The other organ,” God continued, “is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.”
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?”
The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, “The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time….”
Antonio Docampo García, founder of the Bodegas Docampo wine company, would have two bottles with lunch and another two with dinner.
Stop training for that marathon and put down the quinoa. According to a 107-year-old Spanish winemaker, the secret to longevity is drinking red wine—a lot of it.
Antonio Docampo, who died last week at the ripe, very old age of 107, regularly drank two full bottles of red wine at lunch and another two bottles at dinner. “He could drink a liter and a half at once and he never drank water,” his son, Miguel Docampo López, told La Voz de Galicia. “When we were both at home we could get through 200 liters of wine a month.” To put that in an American perspective, that’s over 250 bottles.
Docampo supported his drinking regimen by founding his own winery, Bodegas Docampo in Ribeiro. “If he produced 60,000 liters a year he’d keep 3,000 liters for himself,” said his nephew, Jerónimo Docampo. “He always said that was his secret to living so long.” He also regularly took a shot of brandy with his breakfast.
The notion that red wine can help people live longer is nothing new. An article in the New York Times from 2008 cites a study suggesting that an compound called resveratrol found in some red wines increases longevity. Though, it would take about 35 bottles a day to actually make an impact. Still, Docampo’s intake was nothing to sneer at, so maybe the resveratrol is responsible. Or maybe it was genetic. Or maybe just insanely lucky. Whatever the case, take the opportunity tonight to lift a glass of red (or an entire bottle) to señor Docampo.
|A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding.
An anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the old man and asked several questions. “Do you love her?”
The old man replied, “I guess.”
“Is she a good Jewish woman?”
“I don’t know for sure,” the old man answered.
“Does she have lots of money?” asked the rabbi.
“I doubt it.”
“Then why are you marrying her?” the rabbi asked.
“She can drive at night,” the old man said