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Feb 272015
 

Treason

Article III, Section 3, of the Constitution

Section 3 – The Text
Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against them, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort. No person shall be convicted of Treason unless on the Testimony of two Witnesses to the same overt Act, or on Confession in open Court.

The Congress shall have Power to declare the Punishment of Treason, but no Attainder of Treason shall work Corruption of Blood, or Forfeiture except during the Life of the Person attainted.

Section 3 – The Meaning
Treason is the only crime specifically defined in the Constitution. According to Article III, Section 3, a person is guilty of treason if he or she goes to war against the United States or gives “aid or comfort” to an enemy. He or she does not have to physically pick up a weapon and fight in combat against U.S. troops. Actively helping the enemy by passing along classified information or supplying weapons, for example, can lead to charges of treason.

Vocal opposition to a U.S. war effort through protest and demonstration, however, is protected by the free speech clause in the First Amendment. A conviction of treason must be based either on an admission of guilt in open court or on the testimony of two witnesses.

Congress may set the punishment, but it must be directed only at the guilty person and not at his or her friends or family if they were not involved in the crime.

Source…

Feb 272015
 
Rubber Chicken Eight year old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.

“What’s your name? asked the teacher.

“Mohammad,” he replied. “You’re in Ireland now,” replied the teacher. “So from now on you will be known as Mike.”

Mohammad returned home after school.

“How was your day, Mohammad?” his mother asked.

“My name is not Mohammad. I’m in Ireland and now my name is Mike.”

“Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, and your religion? Shame on you!” And his mother beat him.

Then she called his father, who beat him again.

The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises. “What happened to you, Mike?” she asked.

“Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two Muslims.”

 

 

Feb 262015
 

Malapropisms
(For those who might not know, a malapropism is a verbal blunder in which one word is replaced by another similar in sound but different in meaning.)

People who live beyond their means should act their wage.

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

The image of you playing Frisbee with a dog isn’t so far-fetched.

The wise never marry, and when they marry, they become otherwise.

He’s a wolf in cheap clothing.

It was a case of love at Versailles.

He’s got one of those sight-seeing dogs.

In Algiers, they spend most of their time at the cash bar.

My sister has extra-century perception.

A fool and his money are some party.

All’s fear in love and war.

Nip it in the butt.

Some viruses can lie doormat for years.

To each his zone.

Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel.

No more negotiating – it’s a dumb deal.

It’s a long road to hold.

All I want from you kids is a little piece of quiet.

Perforation is a rip off.

 

Feb 262015
 
Rubber Chicken Judi went to her plastic surgeon, Dr. Justin Bartlett, to see if he could fix her sagging face.

He said “We can do a regular face-lift or the new type called the knob. That involves putting a knob under your hair and when you notice a wrinkle you turn the knob and it pulls up the skin.”

Judi opted for the knob. The surgery was a success and she looked 15 years younger. When ever she noticed a wrinkle she gave it a turn and the wrinkle was gone.

After about 8 years Judi noticed bags under her eyes. She went back to Justin’s office and he said “Those aren’t bags, those are your breasts.”

Judi said “Well that explains the goatee.”

 

 

Feb 252015
 

Heaven And HellA holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, “Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.”

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in.

In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew which smelled delicious and made the holy man’s mouth water.

But the people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful, but because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, ‘You have seen Hell.’

They then went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man’s mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, “I don’t understand.”

“It is simple” said the Lord, “In this place the people have learned to feed one another.”