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Apr 212015
 
I’m a ten-letter word, but when I am heard,
I have only four, not one letter more.

My first two sounds are neat; a kind of sheet,
That starts with spread, not the kind on a bed.

Of my sounds, the third is what will be heard,
alphabetically, in the middle of modus operandi.

If you want to hear more, then like the shore,
I end at the sea, that’s a hint, you see.

What word am I?

scarecrow

 

Apr 212015
 
Rubber Chicken A tough old fighter pilot finally regained consciousness. He found himself in agonizing pain in the base hospital’s ICU, with tubes up every orifice, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.

He then remembered he’d been in a serious flying accident on Friday.

The nurse gave him a serious, deep look straight into the eyes and he heard her slowly say, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, “Can I feel your boobs, then?”

 

 

Apr 202015
 

What the Color of Your Snot Really Means

Nasal mucus alone isn’t typically used to diagnose disease, but it can be a helpful tool to determine what’s happening in your nasal passages. Here’s a quick look at just a few of the things the various possible shades of snot might mean for your health. A special thank you goes out to otolaryngologist Raj Sindwani, MD, Cleveland Clinic Head & Neck Institute, who checked our facts (and kept our noses clean).

Source…

 

Apr 202015
 

None of his classmates liked him cause of his stupidity, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, “You’re driving me insane, Tyrone”.

One day Tyrone ‘s mom came to school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mom honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and never had she seen such a dumb boy in her entire teaching career.

The mom was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland.

25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an incurable cardio disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have heart surgery, which only one surgeon could perform.

Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful. When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome doctor smiling down at her.

She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but eventually died.

The doctor was shocked and was trying to work out what went wrong, when he turned around he saw our friend Tyrone, working as a janitor in the clinic, who had unplugged the oxygen equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner!

Don’t tell me you thought the story was about how Tyrone became a heart-surgeon.

 

via

Apr 202015
 
Rubber Chicken An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.

“Take a couple swings at that tree over there.” The foreman said.

The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single chop.

“Holy smokes, you’ve got quite the arm! You’re absolutely hired, but I need to know what you can do. Try your hand at this tree over here.” The foreman points out a much larger tree.

One, two swings and the tree crashes to the ground.

“That’s incredible!” Cried the foreman. “Wherever did you learn to chop like that?!”

“In the Sahara Forest.” Replied the lumberjack.

“Don’t you mean the Sahara Desert?” Asked the foreman.

“That’s why I’m here.”

 

 

Apr 192015
 

Mulunyan. :lol:

PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: As I said before, I’m not lucky enough to have any Italian ancestry that I know of, but — but I consider myself an honorary Italian, because I love all things Italian, and the United States would not be what we are, or who we are, without the contributions of generations of Italian-Americans.

Source…

Obama - I Consider Myself An Honorary Italian