Jun 282016
I rule the ends of the universe. I control its laws. I reign the galaxy. The start of space is the start of me. The end of the universe is the end of me. The name of my slaves bring mighty terror to you. The universe wouldn’t work if it wasn’t for me.

What am I?



Jun 282016
Rubber Chicken A pastor who was badly overworked went to the local medical center and was able to have a clone made. The clone was like the pastor in every respect–except that the clone used extraordinarily foul language. The cloned pastor was exceptionally gifted in many other areas of pastoral work, but finally the complaints about the dirty language were too much.

The pastor was not too sure how to get rid of the clone so that it wouldn’t look like murder. The best thing, he decided, was to make the clone’s death look like an accident. So the pastor lured the clone onto a bridge in the middle of the night and pushed the clone off the bridge.

Unfortunately there was a police officer who happened by at that very moment and arrested the pastor for making an obscene clone fall.




Jun 272016
A king finds a woman he wants to marry but she refuses. But since he is the king, she has to. The king gives her a deal: he will write ‘YES’ and ‘NO’ on two pieces of paper. The papers will be put into a hat and she will choose one. If it says yes she will marry him, if it says no she will not. The only problem is that the king cheats and puts two pieces of paper that say yes into the hat, but the woman is the only one who sees this.

How can the woman avoid marrying the king?



Jun 262016

A classic video of a New Jersey racetrack announcer’s call as two horses with opposing names battled it in the final furlong.


Larry Collmus is a horse racing announcer at Monmouth Park in Oceanport, New Jersey. In 2010, he provided a running commentary to a race that included horses named Mywifeknowsevrything and Thewifedoesntknow. The result was a denial-filled marital argument in the form of a horse race.

The Telegraph (auto-start video) informs us that Mywifeknowsevrything was trained by a woman and Thewifedoesntknow was trained by a man.

My advice: just apologize anyway and bet on another horse.